The Pimps

The Pimps |  Part I:  A CD review of 2010′s “F*ck This Sh*t, We’re Outta Here” by The Pimps… disguised as a letter to the Rockford Register Star and other pathetic media outlets for dropping the ball for so long.

By Andrew Whorehall

The Pimps "Oh those Bilderbergs..." Free MP3 Single

“Oh those Bilderbergs and their kooky culling plans.”

“Dear People of Rockford & to the few, powerfully, negligent, local media outlets–  specifically the Rockford Register Star, The Pimps, should be cited as much as Cheap Trick- if not more.

I’m not implying you’ve ignored them for not recording a hit cover song like “The Flame” or an original like “Surrender.”  I am assuming they’re too non-tradtionally smart, volatile and explosive for your cultural, musical tastes.  With all the worries you have at the RRStar for censorship, stories from the wire, writers with no names, those large colorful digital pictures- it’s no wonder when ‘Freedom of Speech’ is doubted now a days.  See The NYTimes for many examples but I won’t look too far, I stay local and read between the lines.  Your hard edits are very visible to these eyes.  Could you be any more obvious?

I ask that you honor & respect The Pimps for poetically naming their new record as it is named.  For that alone, local honor is past due.

'F*ck this sh*t we're outta here." by The Pimps

The record’s title, “F*ck This Sh*t, We’re Outta here,” is demographically poignant too. Add “Rockford, IL” to the end of their title line and you have one of the more successful city taglines forming one, classy, bumper sticker with a matching T-Shirt.  Said record of said title above is a gun-shot-blasted-love-letter-like-loaded-bullet written & made in our once great, industrial city.  Filled with American goodies and menacing spirits;  capitalism, weapons, partying, defeat,’FTSWOH’ is one of the midwest’s finest, punk, American recordings to come out of Rockford, IL- ever.  It’s a loud, proud, middle finger to the establishment from an economic wasteland that doubles as ground zero for dead end dreams and empty, once colorful, balloons– this is the Rockford, IL you should be reporting with urgency and explosiveness.

Face it RRStar.  Your articles are cupcakes generally filled with air.  Cupcakes are best eaten, not read.  That’s this writer’s opinion, not Sock Monkey’s, leave them out of it.  Fortunately they believe in Freedom Of Speech too as long as no one gets hurt.   Generally that seems like a pretty easy social rule to follow.  I know I’m not alone.  Get to know the people who do think for themselves,  the people that are closer to the ground than the moon.  The truth is down here in the river filth and the industrial aftermath.  Have you read your own Classified Jobs section?

A serious question disguised as a joke was just posed to me by two people on separate occasions, neither the med student or the professional knows each other.  The question turned joke was, “Did THE ONION buy the RRstar out?”

Where is this going?

Please don’t change a thing, just do what you can, to talk about the bands you ignore once in awhile.  It helps the artists and the community know a bit more about a proud, defeated hometown that has wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much talent drowning here.  You’re not helping as much as you could be, RRStar.

Why does this concern The Pimps?  This is their most cohesive album to date and possibly their last.  Either way, people ‘not’ from Rockford, IL, should know more about this band too.  This is where you have failed dear city and media of mine for years already by not assisting in a little PR when you had your chance.  WZOK, your mallhair is wearing and sounding a bit too thin.  WXRX, eat a d*ck sandwich for sucking so hard for so long.  RRStar, change your name to, ‘The Onion Jr.’

To all the media outlets in and around Rockford, IL, you’re no different than the major label that cut The Pimps from their budget in 99, trying to blindly leave them behind.  Well, no thanks to you, Rockford, IL, they’ve managed to run a decent hardworking, punk operation anyway for 16 years.  Another job well done.  This is for Sock Monkey Sound and for The Pimps. I salute you.  To the city of Rockford and to the RRStar plus other regional media outlets, iFinger you, wholeheartedly.

Regards,

Andrew Whorehall

PS:  Let me state a point that may have gone missing above (as this letter may be a bit passive, fueled by years of ‘dead air’ readings of the RRStar, and just maybe a little misdirected);  one of the best kept rock n’ roll secrets is Rockford, IL’s punk scene.  How is it that such a fertile ground for amazing musical talent keeps to itself without the industry (what remains of it) blowing its cover?  Easy.  Musicians, bands, songwriters from the midwest have a great knack for shooting themselves in the foot.  Whether it’s done ironically or because it’s our Gah Damn a’Merican right to do it, we’ve some how managed to do it better than most scenes.  It’s a pride thing, I guess.  All of this great music has been boiling over for a long time.  Call it a typical midwestern burden to bear but I’m calling it a joke that’s ran out of laughs.  This self-deprecating attitude is for math rockers and progressive jazz musicians high on country folk abnormalities.  1)  God knows math is not the people of Rockford’s specialty and 2) progressive-jazz-country-folk is for as*holes. You’re welcome.

"To a cool person, stay that way." by The Pimps

Unlike other successful, touring, midwestern bands who were ashamed to call Rockford, IL, their home young in their careers in the 70s and 80s (um, Cheap Trick/Chicago, IL), The Pimps, embraced their roots from the get go often citing Loves Park and Machesney Park as their home-base before settling on the always marketable city name, “Rockford, IL.”  It actually worked for them somehow.  Signing a major label deal in 1999 saw the re-release of their self-made debut record, “To a Cool Person, Stay that Way.”  A punk-funk rock record that was made in Loves Park, IL, at the old Noise Chamber Studios in 1996 and 1997.   The band has been together since 1994 but their roots as friends go much deeper together.  Tony (Bass) & Stu (Vocal/Guitar) have been best friends since they left their mothers respectable wombs.  It starts there. The Pimps are a family of brothers as much as they are a band of musicians.

"More Songs About Drugs With Curse Words" by The Pimps

A well-scripted situation occurred soon after signing with a major label.  About the same time The Pimps were told to change the name of their follow up record the industry was changing, cutting budgets and cutting artists.  ”More Songs About Drugs With Curse Words,”  was made by the same local team (Jimmy Johnson / Noise Chamber) in Rockford instead of agreeing to the label’s L.A. production request.  15 months into a contract, having been featured on the “Mission:  Impossible” soundtrack and various TV song plugs, The Pimps decided they wouldn’t change their record title after one of their label’s parent company reps, Disney, got whiff of it and made a request– and so went The Pimps, another budget cut.

For the better, they worked themselves out of it in control of their career with nothing lost and everything to gain. They already established themselves as a great, touring band with subtle business sensibilities.  The Pimps, to this day, actually still sell merch at every show and get from town to town in a van with equipment towing the rear. The way bands used to- or could simply afford to.  They’ll tell you first hand, ‘it’s not glamourous, gas prices have gone up- blah blah’ but their van is so much smarter than your band’s f*cking van.

The Pimps' also known as the country punk band, 'Sons of Many Bitches'

As the whole industry took a dump and blamed downloaders in the last decade, a band like The Pimps kept movin on to their own beat. They’ve self-released 9 full length records, they sell their own singles online, pay for their own merch production,  pay for their records production- and they tour playing dives 150 nights a year or more.  Many years ago, they (like this writer as well) figured out how to take care of themselves in an economically depressed city called, Rockford, IL.  Some of their last decade’s releases are hit or miss.  Great recorded live moments exploded with color on their alter-ego (Sons of Many Bitches) country punk band’s release, “Outlaw Gold MotherF*cker” and it’s companion EP, “Apparently Uninterested in a Life of Creative Growth or Social Relevance.”  At the same time they released, “Quickly Now Gentlemen, With a Lively Step.”

"Quickly now Gentlemen, with a lively step." by The Pimps

Working, recording, teaching instrument lessons, touring and earning their right to be as lazy when they want to be while we sit at computers in a lame working environment between 8am to 7pm fulfilling someone’s leftover ideas & rules to follow about the American Dream and making money.  What a farce.  The Pimps, repeatedly, make me feel like a sucker everytime I tuck ina shirt and put on khakis.  Why?  Khakis are for church, funerals or even worse, weddings.  Those recent recorded releases sit together as key discography door openers to what happened next in the studio for The Pimps.

“F*ck This Sh*t, We’re Outta Here,” or as I’ll type it for the rest of the article will be referred to as,  FTSWOH.  Not for censorship reasons;  but for typing alone, early arthritis-enabling concerns are on the mind.  This f*ckˆng wrist is killin’ me between writing about music, playing music while designing for other musicians and clients who wear khakis.  Let’s not forget the precious times I have with myself too; lighting a candle, body oil, me on me for hours on end trying to listen to Sáde, slow deep breaths… dogs barking, lawn mowers buzzing.  Nothing kills the mood more like white people in America making domestic noises while their mistrained dogs bark uncomfortably allllll day when you’re trying to get a little love on yourself in the daytime.  Gals are cool too for these kinds of moments, but at some point it does become a financial investment that’s guaranteed to lose more than gain.  Whatever, we’re all gonna lose, mother nature, she or cancer has the cards that read that one line I’ve ripped off from Bob Dylan in his f-you masterpiece of a song, “Desolation Row.” Over and over I recite that line.  Anyway.

Let’s define a band?  Men, once kids, who set out on a mission together as friends & musicians, making mistakes together and enjoying success together.  Another simple us vs. them, old school, rock n’ roll rule… where did that rock n’ roll business sensibility go to?  Did MTV, American Idol, destroy it?  Seems like it, just “blame downloaders.”  The Pimps are five great musicians tied together by some strange brotherly thing you only hear in guys that stay together for a very long time. It’s unheard of now-a-days. Watching them perform live is one of is one of the midwest’s great punk thrills.  They work harder than any local politician, aldermen, etc., when they perform out their perfect, collective craft.  They are truly one of Rockford, IL’s finest artist ensembles to watch live.  They’ll have you questioning yourself;  ”Is this punk?  Is this country?  Is this just rock n’ roll?  Or is this comedy?” Playing music for a living is hard work, it’s supposed to be funny too, yes.  Otherwise, go put on your khakis and tuck in your Target shirt, paint on that perfect smile and die one day.  Sounds like fun.

Stu, Tony, Todd, Hilly and Dave.  Hell, throw road manager G.T.in there.  G.T. is to The Pimps as Albert Grossman was to Dylan, calling the shots most of the time on when, where, how but mainly he’s their friend too.  Albert wasn’t really Bob’s friend, he was a great, Jewish businessman with a monetary agenda that drove Dylan’s musical agenda.  Add different times, different clothes obviously.  To be able to call out the guys’ names like John, Paul, George & Ringo is unheard of now.  Think about it.  Ryan Adams dumped Whiskeytown– whoever they were (Cary Caitlin and Phil Whateversher) and the midwest’s own recent major signing, Cory Chisel, does as he wishes with or without the original Wandering Sons.  It’s just how it is now a days.  Labels can’t quite act like large greedy banks anymore.

The business of music is as suicidal as it’s ever been.  The industry cares about the songwriter in most contractual cases, how does he look first, then, how does he sound?  IS the band good looking too?  IF not, haircuts?  This is one of many selfish, liable contracted reasons why labels ruined their own sales in the 2000s, not downloaders.  Labels used to be known as an artist’s bank.  Now, where I come from? We all know artists can barely pay for a sandwich let alone the 1 million dollars they’re expected to owe back after distribution and touring slots opening for some sh*tty band like Seven Mary 3.  It’s a self-made, self-imploding, a’Merican influenced, capitalist joke of a system set up to steal or fail at some point.  Every artist gets cut at some point.  Even the great ones.  Think about every great label, their heyday, the great records, artists they released… seems like Sony or Time Warner owns everything and every contracted artist in some way, shape or form ends up owned by these 2 conglomerate media monsters… suckers or survivors?

Well, not The Pimps, for better or worse they don’t seem to care where they fit in.

"FTSWOH" by The Pimps

The road alone has taken them to this;  their 2010 release “F*ck This Sh*t, We’re Outta Here,” is a local gem of a production I’m proud to call my hometown’s own.  Not just as an artistic statement but as a pro-Freedom of Speech, American statement.  It’s an explosive, ‘go f*ck yourself and the establishment you represent,’ guitar rock, punk record with honest, lyrical sentiments dressed up in swear words.  The record bursts with great production and tones courtesy of Mark Gustafson (Recording / Engineering), Ed Dulian (Mixing) and Justin Perkins (Mastering) bringing out the aggressive tight performances that have always been known for.  They’ve never sounded this catchy either.

It’s a manipulative listening experience; smart pop-punk songs about capitalism, the music industry, working hard, partying hard, remaining relevant in a cruel world, accepting defeat, doubting victory, sharing the successes or pleasures we all seek, right and wrong. If Tom Waits’ hooked up with the Arctic Monkeys for a weekend binge, well, this is what happens when you get Tom going 130 miles an hour trapped in a Rockford, IL garage.  I’m on to you Stu Johnson;  excessively long song titles and an impressive record collection can’t fool everyone.

Influences run deep on FTSWOH, american desert blues and british garage rock trade rhythm and licks between “A Good Mechanic is Hard to Find” and “These Are The Things, I Know, I Know.” Don’t be ashamed to slam dance in your own kitchen. By the time you get to “Now Michael, it’s just T.V.” you’re ready for an ice cold beer and a foot stompin horse gallop through the house to the front door, lock it.  Now, gals, guys, grab your man or woman or whatever you prefer– this record is it, the perfect accidental aphrodisiac.  Wear a contraceptive, please. FTSWOH gets down and dirty right away, no time to waste, the sun is goin, goin, gone, get movin, try that one thing upside down. Smiles for everyone– including the neighbors and the friends stopping by your house you won’t hear knocking for minutes on end.  This is a fun, explosive, intelligent rock record worthy of many repeated, satisfying listens.

“Oh Those Bilderbergs & Their Kooky Culling Plan” is one of the catchiest a’Merican folk-rock POP songs you’ll hear this year with the worst song title.  Some glorious, fuzz guitar leads dance around Todd’s congo drums.  Normally this is a recipe for pop song failure or an easy way to contract a musical disease called, Don Henley-itis , but the song is some sorta punk-folk-rock-blues a’Mmmmerican magic. ‘Bilderberg’s…‘ may be Stu’s finest documentation as a quick witted, lyricist with something more to say when the reverb is turned down and the crowd goes away;

“If it’s their job to break our hearts,
they’re payed quite well.
Well, I’m not impressed I must remark.
If I had to guess how it all unraveled and came apart?
Well, It’s their job to break our hearts.”

Again.

Dear Rockford Register Star and to other media outlets from this strange place and beyond, please open your ears to one, loud, manic, swan song of a punk-pop record made by one of the Midwest’s great, independent, American, veteran, punk acts.  There’s 2 cover art versions, same songs, however; I prefer the one with the bearded American man eating the large dong sandwich on the cover.

Try to sit still and listen, you’ll possibly fail as you find yourself wondering when one song ends and the other begins. The rewards lay within pausing to replay and sing along with a laugh;  ”I.M. ‘Merica” or handclap your fists off with, “Gun says,’Yes’.”  Again, to repeat myself, the tones, the guitars, the pace, Mark Gustafson (Recording / Engineering) and Ed Dulian (Mixing) should be proud of their tag team effort.  FTSHOH breezes by so quick you’ll forget where your head is at by the time the last song hits– the title song.  It’s a toast to Rockford, the Midwest, hardwork, broken dreams, accepting defeat and sharing successes while singing about it with your friends one last time, moving on and out.  As 33 minutes end, ‘FTSWOH’ is an ultimate toast to themselves and to the hard work they’ve completed as a band of musicians, friends, brothers, family and to the cross roads they’re now at, personally and artistically.

“F*ck this sh*t, we’re outta here.”  Or not.”

dD  |  andywhorehall.com

____________________

The band authorized a free download of one MP3 song to share from their newest record, “Fuck This Shit We’re Outta Here.” Click here to download:

“Oh those Bilderbergs and their kooky culling plans.”

{A conversation between Andy & Josh about family, music, good eats, why the Beatles are overrated & just maybe… tittays.  To Josh Watson’s dad, happy father’s day 2010, this is your son, a hard worker, great guitarist & fine performer.}

By Andrew Whorehall & Josh Watson
(Intro / Outro by dD for Sock Monkey Sound dot com.}

Josh Watson invades Chuck E. Cheese

I was approached by friend & musician, Daniel McMahon, to interview Mr. Josh Watson.  The idea was propositioned by Dan after Josh and he had traded off nasty guitar licks at an after hours party that the future local chain restaurant, Brio, was throwing for people who love After-Hours Potato Martini Drinking Contests. The winner took home the empty Potato Martini glass.  Neither musician won.  Bottom line is this, I’m not sure who won and I’m not sure I care, because;  these two guys are two of the finest guitarists & musicians the midwest has to offer.   Both possessing a large luggage of performance skills, experience, youth, character and punk rock attitude.

I don’t know Josh outside of seeing him in 4-5 different bands the past decade.  He loves cover bands and rightfully so, they’re bread butter winners around these forgotten zips.  His character speaks loud and to the point.  Every time I run into to him he looks me square in the face and says, “Gimme Nickleback, gimme fake tits brah” while raising his index and pinky fingers, others folded, and walking away.  It looks like this, imagine this is someone else’s hand in your face:

\m/

Josh lives rock n roll… so much so he scares me. I firmly believe he goes to the places in his mind that I & others go to alone to find. He doesn’t fool me though. We’ll get to that.

Out of creative fear I sent in my agent, Mr. Andrew Whorehall, to cover me with a list of questions and thoughts for Josh, to figure out Joshua Watson, hang with him for a bit and discuss some stuff… stuff n’ thangs. It was not something I could do without Mr. Whorehall. I believe Josh is fooling everyone around Rockford, IL, superior guitar skills while playing the cover band make a buck game to a T and knowing that at any moment if offered- he’s outta here for something better.

________________

On Tue, 6/8/10, Mr. Andrew Whorehall wrote:

From: Andrew Whorehall
Subject: Wattamess Watson: 21 Loaded Questions for Josh Watson.
To: imjoshwatson@yahoo.com
Date: Tuesday, June 8, 2010, 7:58 PM

Joshua,
it’s a pleasure, you’re the first local musician interview/conversation attempted for Sock Monkey I’ve been asked to partake in.  Let me put it to you like this;  You’re my virgin, I am your car, whatever happens here will not stay here, I will tell everyone about it, good and bad. Anything you say in return will not be edited to cover up the truth, use your words wisely- especially if you just got dumped or drunk.  Anything I say will be edited. With that being said, I will correct some of your written grammar if needed without changing your voice, your slang, your acronyms, your spirit.  Let it rip, Josh, here we go.

Andrew Whorehall {AW}: I’ve seen you play in many bands and you always stick out.  Be it on the guitar, the mic or casually prowling behind and in front of others- tell me a bit about your background, where you grew up, your parents influence, did they push you or stray you from music?  Did you ever tell them something you regret but never had a chance to apologize for, this is the place, tell me and I’ll share it with everyone so we forgive you for them publicly.

Joshua Watson {Josh}: I grew up on the west side of Rockford, IL and I still live on the west side today. As long as I live in this town I’ll never leave the west side. I did live in Princeton, IL for one year of my life in 1987.  My dad took a job down there and I f*cking hated it. I was so glad to come back to my friends here.  I wouldn’t say my parents pushed music on me. They bought me a sh*itty little muppets “drumset” when I was 2. Then the following 2 years they upgraded me to something better each Christmas.  So, yeah, I started out as a drummer.  Actually, I didn’t even start playing guitar til I was about 9 and it happened to be that year I lived in Princeton so I guess something good came from living in that town for a year.

Naw, I’ve never told my parents anything I’ve regretted. My parents are amazing.

AW: Funny how the Muppets marked your musical life somehow as it marked mine when the Ps bought me the “The Muppet Movie Soundtrack” record.  This is loaded, one thing I’ve noticed from a distance (facebook stalking) is that you have a great work ethic.  Many people around these sh*tty zip codes assume you party hard all the time, a man about town– you don’t fool me though, you work hard and I know it, a hunch.  How many jobs are you currently holding down and are you finding it a bit more difficult to balance all the responsibilities it takes to pay bills and commit to playing in so many bands?

Josh: I don’t party all the time.  I know that’s difficult to believe. I save that for Friday and Saturday.  I may, once in a while, do a bottle of wine or a 6 pack of Bud Heavys after UPS one night, but not so often.  The 2 jobs I work are actually fairly easy.  Guzzardo’s I love. Its great to sit around and talk about music and gear with people all day. UPS on the other hand, it’s run its course.  The pay and free benefits are a bonus though.  There is just so much bullsh*t you hafta deal with there.  I actually play in all these bands to help with the bills and drinking money.  My work schedule is Sunday thru Thursday so I never have a difficult time playing a gig– unless of course Stu Johnson decides the Sons of Many Bitches (the country-punk rock alter-ego of veteran midwesterners, The Pimps) needs to do a Wednesday night at Krypto.

AW: Jobs with benefits are rarities around here, at least you know that’s why you’re still doing it.   It’s a hard trade off man, I get  it, your time for benefits and how much is your time really worth when it’s run it’s course and you have so many other positive skills to offer given the right time and opportunity?  I believe it’s all about demographics, Josh, we’ll come back to that later.  Movin on- how many of your Facebook friends are really your friends? Do you ever feel the need to delete them for kicks?  What are your thoughts on using a scrabble bag of letters to randomly delete people from your facebook profile?

Josh: I can actually say a lot of them are my friends. I can’t give you a specific number.  There are many people on my friends list I have lotsa love for. I never delete people.  I usually will just hide them, but the scrabble thing is kinda a good idea so maybe I’ll start deleting some folks just to try it.

AW: You should, I do it all the time and more often than not it’s just good to remind yourself that Facebook means nothing outside of being a marketing tool that destroys our own lives along with many others if you know how to tag people properly in uncomfortable pictures.  I use it to destroy anything good about my other personality.  The internet is just one big free advertising orgy. Use your firewalls and change your name because Big Brother is using all of your personal data to monopolize ad dollars.  They’ll tell you it’s for national security but that’s a lie too.  Your friends will understand if you accidently delete them regardless.

Do you ever feel the urge to quit playing music altogether? Moments of frustration you know?  Some musicians say it hits when they show up 3 hours away for a gig and 4 people are there, then it happens again, and the frustration grows.   How do you, as a musician and a tax-paying American, balance the dream and reality?

Josh: I’ll never stop playing music, it’s the one thing I’m some what good at. It’s my life.  Even now that I’m in cover bands, I’m not ruling out never doing an original thing again.  I think the Sons should start writing more and doing more of our own material. I would love to write with Stu and Tony. I would love to quit my jobs and do the damn thing.   I could.  I don’t really have any bills, a wife or kids.  If someone had the life to make the dream into a reality it would be me.  It’s just a lot easier said than done.  The only moments of frustration I’ve had playing was when i was in an original band and the above things you mention would happen more often than not.  It gets old.  Also when you have band members whose hearts aren’t into as much as yours?  That’s also frustrating.

AW: Wives and babies change everything, Josh.  I’ve been married 8 times, there’s so little time for one wife.  No kids luckily, my demon seed is fine, fortunately.  I just don’t see the benefit of having children in these tough times, especially because of personal demographics, until it’s legal to sell them on Ebay. Have you ever considered being a scientist or mayor of Rockford? Do you feel the latter is a bit more achievable than the former job career I mentioned if you stay in Rockford, IL?

Sons of Many Bitches (The Pimps)

Josh: When I’m drunk I like to believe I’m a scientist. I would like to run for mayor, but people would just think I was trying to rip Jesus off.  So I’ll prolly never run.  Maybe Alderman or County Board though.  My grandparents have been on both of those. “My Grandma is on the County Board!” is another one of my favorite quotes.  If I ever do run for county board I’d run on the promise that I’d change this ‘stupid strip club law.’   Really?   I gotta drive 45 minutes to see some g*d damn titties?  That’s bullsh*t!   My Grandma is on the board right now. I tell her all the time to do something about it.   Don’t think she’s gonna make it work for me.

AW: One of the most ridiculous problems holding back our local economy is the fact we, as law abiding hard working citizens, have to drive so far to see some beautiful skin.  It makes no sense.  I could not agree more because this is why I’ve been divorced 8 times.  Wives #5&6 were strippers, cousins, can you believe that luck, Josh?  Only in Rockford, IL.  Is there anywhere else in this world you want to play music and possibly feel less stress about making a living or having to drive farther to see what man & woman has earned the right to enjoy?

Josh: Austin, or in the Dallas area.  There’s a station down there called the Range outta Fort Worth. Great station all Americana type music. The guitar players all wanna be Keith and Ronnie.  I’d love it.  They play all a bunch of local cats and the station is all about them.

AW: Ahhhh, Ronnies…. they stole him from Rod and Ian, one of my favorite band, The Faces.  You know they had 2 great Ronnies?  Ronnie Wood and Ronnie Lane.  Check out Rod’s, “Never a Dull Moment.“ His finest post-Faces work because of Ronnie Wood, he co-wrote and played on many of those great British, folk-rock tunes.  Do you have any pets like, say a gold fish, dog, anything?  If you have a cat, skip the details, I don’t want to talk about cats.  If not why not?

Josh: I hate cats.  I think cats are only good for punting.  It’s probably because I tormented my Aunt’s cat as a child.  ‘Sugar’ was the cats name.  That thing fucking hated me.  I have a dog named ‘Otto.’  He’s one of my hero’s. He’s a husky/shepherd mix.  That f*cker has got it made too.

AW: Man, all dogs have it made.  I really believe dogs are more honorable than humans.   Have you ever asked fellow musicians for girl advice? Do you find their opinions to be bloated and hedonistic?   Since we’re on the subject, what do you think of squirrels and chefs?

Josh: One of my best friends of 25 years is a musician, so of course I’ve asked him for advice.  His opinions are NOT too bloated or hedionstic, there are plenty of musicians opinions whose are though– prolly including myself, ha.

Squirrels are just rats with a bushy tails. Have you’ve ever been to Canada?  The Squirrels are black up there.I love chefs. I’m fat, I love food.

AW: No, I’ve never been to Canada, I’m afraid I’ll love it.  I need to be somewhere I loathe to create.  You’ve perfected the art of playin’ in a cover band, the Stones, the Crowes coming up, have you ever considered your own band? I ask because you’re too good of a performer and guitarist to continue playing in bands with local indie has-beens– like Mark Muraski of Golden Rocket and Stu Johnson of Sarkoma. ; )

Josh: I’ve been writing my own stuff since 5th grade, I still do.  I was in an original band with the same guys for many years. We eventually became the Buddha Nuggs then the Van Dammits.  We recorded 2 cd’s and played a lot shows. It was fun but a lot of hard work.  Even more hard work when only half the band is really into it.  I’d love to do an original thing again, if I can find the right guys.  Actually Stu and Mark would prolly be 2 guys I’d wouldn’t mind being involved in an original project with.

Tony Crisman (The Pimps / Sons of Many Bitches) performs with Josh, right.

AW: Stu & Mark are great musicians, collaborators, much to learn from both those guys as well.  It’s too bad about The Van Dammits, Josh, good band.  Seems like a lotta good bands split when the work starts to pay off a  bit and larger opening slots get booked, etc.   I’ve never understood it from my perspective around these parts.  It’s as if we all want to secretly quit at everything that starts to go good to prove some sort of self-destructive point because at the end of the day when the work is done, we’re still living in Rockford, IL.  I’m under the assumption you’ve played with everyone.  Anyone locally you want to play in a band with you haven’t had a chance to yet? (NOTE:  You can’t say “Cheap Trick.”  I will not allow it because Geo Braun, journalist, from the Rockford Register Star has that band covered quite well.  She’s a groupie is my theory.)

Josh: Man I have played with a lot great musicians in this town. I haven’t really thought about it..  I’d really like to play with Steve Van Horn. He’s the man on Drums. We always talk about it when I’m drunk. lol, but it just has never happened yet.

AW: Steve’s a name I keep hearing in different circles as well, great drummer who hides that fact- thanks for blowing his cover. You own many things, on your Facebook page you state, “I pretty much own the tri-state area” I agree with reservation and it’s dependent on this next question:  Have you ever wanted to own a sitar? Prove me wrong, seems like a pretty pointless instrument, right? Snobs use it, dare to be different pop stars, would you agree? The Beatles were praised for using it, George Harrison with his foo foo beliefs and middle eastern flavors tried to ruin late 60s rock n’ roll wouldn’t you say?  Is this why you prefer the Stones over the Beatles?

Josh: I haven’t owned a sitar.  I wouldn’t say its a pointless instrument. We actually used to have an electric one at Guzzardo’s that I was gonna use to record a part on a Van Dammit’s song. It would have fit perfectly.  It never happened though.  I couldn’t tell you what the first song the Beatles used a sitar on but Brian Jones played one on Paint It Black and that came out in ’66.  I prefer the Stones to the Beatles because I love my rock n roll Loud, Live, sloppy, sexy, dirty; in your face, 3 chords, guitar weaving, driven– and the fab four just don’t do that for me. Great songwriters, musicians, huge influence.  Just not my cup of tea.

AW: Not my cup of tea either, too many songs about love and loving and feeling the love and needing the love, what a songwriting cop out for these ears.  I’m happy you mentioned Brian Jones, subconsciously I knew he was tied to the Sitar movement too but was blanketed by rock n’ roll tragedy.

I’ll take the Kinks over the Beatles and Stones, Stones easily trump Beatles in a runners up race.   Songs about common men, relationships damaged, not so perfect vocals but honest intentions, rock n’ roll for me is the Kinks.  Ray & Dave Davies’ smarmy songs never get old.  I want to meet the characters in their tunes, but the Beatles?  Yawn.  Eleanor Rigby?  She sounds like a log.  Fr. Mackenzie?  Who cares, the Fr. in McCartney’s tune doesn’t.  Rita, the meter maid?  Sounds like a girl trying to be a dude dressed in military clothes serving tea- cmon, that’s crazy.

Take McCartney, you can’t trust him as a writer, why?  The guy left his 2nd wife who has one leg- you don’t leave a wife with one leg, period. The Beatles?  Never rock n’ rolled after “Beatles For Sale.”   They lost the plot personally, roof top performances don’t count either, a marketing gimmick. That’s all the Beatles were in the end.  Positively speaking, they found it ‘artistically’ after 1965 on record, but that doesn’t mean they rock n’ rolled. (George Martin found it for them, artistically.)  Bottom line, there’s no great Beatles record without George Martin. The record they did with Phil Spector, “Let It Be” is trying, boring, a power battle between too many egos.  When it comes to their live reputation?  The Beatles are a spotty, British, bar band with nice mod clothes tailor made to put on for shows at their thespian best.

Soap box over, man, sorry.  Speaking of classic rock gods and performing,  as a child, did you ever say out loud to your parents about the other kids your age, “f*ck their He-Man dolls, I wanna shred some faces off brah”?

Josh: No way man.  I loved He-Man, GI Joes, Lego’s, Hot Wheels.  Actually when I was that young I was all about baseball. I thought for sure one day I was going to play for the Cubs.

AW: Thank god you never played for them! Lovably losing is not cool.  For many years I pretended I was Ryne Sandberg against Bruce Sutter of the Cardinals, 1984, when he hit those homers in the extra inning game.  That still marks my childhood memories.  Then I grew up  and realized the Cardinals represent winners, not lovable losers.  The Cubs are the picture perfect example of a business that takes from the poor to feed the rich.

Do you consider Oasis a classic rock band or not?  What are your thoughts on the brothers’ Gallgher? Choose your words wisely, they did tour with the Robinson brothers (Black Crowes) which I hear you consider the inheritors to the Stones’ mantle.

Josh: I like Oasis especially their first 2 albums.  I saw them opening night at the then Rosemont Horizon right after ‘Whats the Story’ came out.  Noel was singing.  They wrote some good catchy tunes.  The Gallagher Bros are a bunch of wankers though. A Bunch of f*cking sods.  I did catch them on the ‘Brotherly Love’ tour too with the Crowes with Liam singing, I thought they sounded much better. I consider Guns n Roses inheritors of the Stones mantle too. I’m talking Appetite GnR. To too bad Axl is such a stupid f*ck face. They probably coulda went on to do great things.

AW: Isn’t “Champagne Supernova” the ultimate show closer for any cover band though?  Would you ever name a band or your child, “Champagne Supernova”?  Please offer us some baby names to consider because many people in Rockford love making babies- do you?

Josh: If and when I ever have babies they will be named:
Trays On, Shots On and of course Drinks On.

AW: Triplets?! Loads! On your facebook info page you state you are a “Conservative” but you’ve also been caught many times saying, “Sit on My Face,” and “I own this God Damn town.” Many conservatives may not like your opinions or ability to ride the fence, how do you feel about Al Gore winning the election in 2000, getting robbed by the conservative movement with help from the Supreme Court?  Don’t you think 2000-2008 may have been a bit different without crazy conservatives in office?

Josh: I actually voted for Gore. I’m a moderate conservative. More fiscal conservative. I don’t give a flying f*ck what hardcore right-wingers think.  Same goes for the far left.  I tend to lean right.  Everyone I know is more liberal.  Used to make for some fun drunk debates.  Who knows if those 8 years woulda been different. Probably not.  Gore’s a f*cking douchebag.  All politicians are. I bet his wife left him because he lost though. Poor chap.  There’s something else the left can blame Bush about– haha, Gore’s marriage ending! I’ve lost interest in politics.  All they care about is money and getting re-elected.  F*ck em. I used to watch the cable news shows and get all fired up.  Now I just watch ESPN and Billy the Exterminator on A & E.

AW: Caring for American politics has become trivial.  I realized my vote really didn’t matter in 2000 after Gore was instructed to give up the argument, I adopted the notion that the wrestling sport I enjoyed as a child was just as real as politics and elections. On Saturday at 5:57am on Facebook you said:   “actually.. I dont even GIVE a F*CK!!!! I need to hang out on the east side! Im wasting my f*cking time” I occasionally go to Buffalo Wild Wings to escape my side of town or to the always amazing Old Chicago for Italian Nachos.  It’s so different than, say, hanging out with a potato martini and hot chicks in high heels at Brio, correct?  Occasionally I hit the Lung Fung for a Banana Pineapple Smoothie too, have you tried it yet?  Mossy Vaughn (The Heavils, Lizard Skynard) recently sent me to Chen’s for some delicious eats- have you tried them yet?  What’s your favorite local eats?  Which nationality makes the best food for Josh?  Please explain where you were wasting your time as well.

Josh: Haha thats just another great “I’m feeling sorry for myself moment.” I felt down on my luck because I was unable find any random chick to take home and spoon.  It happens sometimes.  I meant the east side, just to try and find some new chicks to hang out with.  In the words of Keith Richards “Sometimes you just need to change the backdrop!“ It might be easier over there. Haha, Chens is the jam man, I haven’t eaten there in a while. Lung Fung is amazing too haven’t tried the smoothie tho.  Asian Cuisine is hands down my favorite for good eats even tho i’ll just about eat anything you put in front of me.  Except fish, unless of course its between a chicks legs.

AW: Speaking of chicks and fish sticks sandwiches, you’ve played everywhere in Rockford, imagine you’re a tour guide now. Where are the hottest waitresses and bartenders with no personalities to meet if you’re a stranger passing through the Rock River Valley?

Josh: Who gives a shit about personality?  Show yo fawkin tits!

AW: Tshirt in production now, you get copyright.   Where are the nicest, maybe not so pretty ones with great personalities and good conversations? Nevermind, no one cares.  Back to really hot gals;  On June 3rd at 10:17pm you said, “hmm I dunno what it is but in the past few weeks I’ve seen more hot moms at guzzardos than the whole past 7 years Ive worked there.. word must be out that I know Ryan Moore.” WHO is Ryan Moore and why should every man know this man to know hot moms?  Have you ever tried Target? They have hot moms there too.

Josh: Ryan Moore is one of my best friends who prefers cougars.  He’s on the prowl for cougars– anywhere.

AW: Ryan sounds like a hero to all men and women too.   Ok Josh, I’ve gotten off track, I knew you were gonna be good game for this but I’m gonna get serious for the last two questions.  Your dad is a major inspiration, on May 29th at 2:29am you said on Facebook, “theres nothing better than drinking beer and listening to the stones at 2 am than with my old man.. greatest f*cking times ever!!” You do know how lucky you are, correct?  Not many of us men get to drink a beer and listen to the Stones til 2am with dad- that’s a pretty rare feat and I want to talk about your dad a bit being that Father’s Day is approaching. It seems he may have the greatest influence on you as a musician?  Yes?  No?  You guys ever punch each other in the arm for kicks? Seems like he’s a cool dad, how did he approach you about the birds and the bees as a kid? All my dad said to me was,  ”keep your zipper up.”  He was being very wise and I love him for that but you and I know hot ladies like BBQ fish sticks sandwiches, orange juice and loose zippers, correct?

Josh: Yeah man I’ve been dealt a great hand in life.  Great family, friends. Lotsa luck.  My pops is a big influence on me.  He plays guitar.  He taught me some of the basic things for playing guitar and I just kinda went from there.  He’s a huge Stones fan also.  Thats where I get it.  I’ll put money on it that there isn’t another Father/Son duo that has seen the Stones 40 times together across the Country. Matter of fact he drunk dialed me lastnite, he was watching some Stones on blu-ray and was like, “Man next time you come down here we’re gonna put this motherf*cker on!  Keith is on fire!”  He gave me “Exile On Main Street” on casette for Christmas in 1987 every since then I’ve played guitar. I knew right then and there, “ok I’m a guitar player now.”  I don’t think we’ve ever punched eachother in the arm, ha. F*ck, I think all he ever told me was to ‘wrap it up.’  We never really sat down and had “the” talk. Hot ladies do LOVE fish sandwiches and loose zippers!

AW: YES, they do!  And orange juice!  OJ and ribs too!   Alright Josh, name off 10 songs you can’t live without for one reason or another….. then name off 10 songs you play with all of your bands you can’t wait to play again and again.  Also, if you’d like to ask me a question, your turn, do it here and I’ll give ya what I got to conclude this piece.

Josh: Well you know the Stones have recorded over 400 songs so this might be hard to narrow down..
Wild Horses
Tumblin’ Dice
Beast Of Burden
Gimme Shelter
Jumpin’ Jack Flash
Memory Motel
Before They Make Me Run
Love In Vain
Moonlight Mile
Far Away Eyes — this will change tomorrow I’m sure

AW: Man, I love, love, love Far Away Eyes, for me– the finest Stones moment.

Josh: I love to play these songs:
Jumpin’ Jack Flash
Midnight Rambler
Wild Horses
Good Hearted Woman
Amos Moses
Sometimes Salvation
Thorn In My Pride
Descending
and if the Van Dammits ever do a reunion show.. Titties N Fiddies and No Shame
And now for you Mr. Whorehall.. Would you agree that “gimme Nickleback, gimme fake tits” is the greatest line Donkey Boy (USA), has ever written?

AW: dBUSA is one of my clients… I argued that line by the way, it’s too ironic.  Let’s be honest, Josh, it’s a… physically handicapped line.  It’s no different than the band it mocks, Nickelback, or the fake fun bags it pokes at.  Mainly it pokes at the people that support these items.  Americans love sh*tty music and hot chicks with fake tits.  Some days I consider myself an a’Merican male too, not today.  I’ve been feeling British of late.  I know it brings smiles for us but in some regards many people believe Nickleback and fake tits are good things.  They’re not.  They’re poison.  Planet Earth would be so much healthier minus those two.  It’s a part of America that scares the sh*t out of some of us.  Stu Johnson and the Pimps found something punk in it dBUSA didn’t find yet in the studio.   The song was a bit more political in nature with many references to Georgie Jr. and Oil fields before Stu and dBUSA rewrote half of via text messaging to be a touch more sexist, a’Merican- rather than political.   A smart move for rock n’ roll and entertainment’s sake.  Just a little middle finger is all it is.

The greatest line though? Hasn’t happened yet.  When it does, I’m writing a check in your name for that nasty country-rock guitar solo you knocked out for dBUSA’s/Pimps version of, “I.M. a’Merica.”  Cheers man, you got a drink on me next time we run into each other.

Best of luck and safe travels,
Mr. Andrew Whorehall

Josh recording during the Sons of Many Bitches debut record.

__________________________________________________________

So concludes Andrew Whorehall and Josh Watson’s email exhange.
Thanks for your time guys, especially Josh– I know you got two jobs and a gig somewhere to get to.
For Sock Monkey Sound and Dan McMahon,
I leave you, Josh, with ownership rights on this piece.

dD  |  andywhorehall.com