Deloreans!!! Two of them! AND Zombies!!! F@#k Yeah!!!

This video can’t get any better can it? Check out more Minotaur at their website.

Sock Monkey Sound

Super Pussy Gold, Live @ Kryptonite, Rockford, IL 11.19.2011 (Photo Provided by Britney Lindgren)

Live at Kryptonite, Rockford, IL
11.19.2011

Rockford, IL’s Super Pussy Gold is Lizard Skynard minus Austin’s Lizard Man. Led by sonic alchemist, composer and lead guitarist, Jason “Mossy Orenthal” Vaughn, SPG blazed through 40 minutes of mostly instrumental compositions, focusing on texture and proficiency more than song messages and meaning.  Eric “Reginald Railroad” Vaugn’s shrill synth served up stabbing high pitched punctuations between his band mates rhythmic wall of sound, driven by Cousin Jonny Wennington’s drums.  Russell “Franklin Delano” Gillespie’s bass was as loud as he and Orenthal Vaughn’s Hawaiian shirts.  Each double teamed the ‘lead man’ role with a barrage of pedal effects abused to perfection on indecipherable vocals, serving as a cross-hybrid between The Deftones, anthropomorphic chipmunks returning from space to take over mankind after devouring their leader, Alvin, and Mogwai- but creepier and heavier.

Lizard Man, with Jason "Mossy Orenthal" Vaughn (Photo by Brian Milo)

Songs from Lizard Skynard’s 2010 debut full length were performed without missing it’s beat poet-punk amphibian leader’s presence; SPG is it’s own musical monster without him performing.  New songs (from a forthcoming 2012 record), “Rise, Romans, Rise” and “Aardvark,” rely on imagination and moods more than words and performance art antics.  Vaughn’s compositions could pass as the soundtrack to a documentary about an American city in ruins awaiting it’s inevitable collapse to chaos, animals, aliens- anything.   It wasn’t difficult to close my eyes and imagine Rockford, IL – a city that’s economically, mentally, and physically weak enough to be 1 natural disaster away from possibly being ruled a Federal Disaster Emergency Area- from going up in fire to the tunes of SPG performing overhead; prison yard or war time speaker style.

Righteous, evil, apocalyptic, freaky and delicious, their live performance is exactly what their band name suggests:

Super Pussy Gold

AW  |  Andy Whorehall

Sock Monkey Sound

Former guest and sometime co-host and contributor David Pedersen drops by the studio for a chat about his forthcoming book “Love is Meat”. You can follow Dave at davispedersen.com. The book release will be held August 5th at Memorial Hall in Rockford, IL.

Music by Apex Manor

Sock Monkey Sound

“I made a list of the reasons I will never call you again.”

Who: Warren Franklin

What: Mr. F’s 2^nd long play release Your Heart Belongs to the Midwest

Does it come out soon? It does! This bad boy drops on June 11^th

Warren Franklin’s first album, Stray, came out in November of 2009.  I remember this because it was the first album I reviewed for Sock Monkey Sound.  Prior to that review I had stuck to event reviews (and with good reason).  Event/Concert reviews are entirely different animals than their LP/EP counterparts.  For all of the musical assessment and meditations on the aura of the venue, etc, etc, the thesis of a concert review mainly boils down to deciding whether or not I had fun.  A quality album review has to discuss a piece of art as a thematic whole, as a grouping of fragments, sometimes evoking the idea of synecdoche, lyricism, music theory, homage, and that’s before you even decide whether the songs are any good.

Both Franklin and my first outings were a bit scraggly and uneven.  His spent too many songs on furiously strummed and shouted rants of indiscriminant origin and down tempo plodders that were largely lacking a melodic hook.  Mine wasted half of the word count with a barely connected discourse on the nature of reviewing recorded music (some things will not change).  This is worth thinking about because, as I said, Warren Franklin’s first album came out in November of 2009. In the 18 months since then, Franklin has toured like a motherfucker* (My reviewing frequency has fallen slightly short of the level of motherfuckery but it is noticeable enough).  He’s probably touring right now.  This is exceedingly obvious when one listens to Your Heart Belongs to the Midwest.

No one would ever accuse Warren Franklin of being halfhearted.  His first middle name is, “Earnest,” and his second middle name is, “Adjective: Resulting from or showing intense conviction.”  One of the things that set apart the better songs on Stray and basically all of the songs on Your Heart Belongs to the Midwest is the seeming transparency of the source of that earnestness.  With some of the lesser Stray songs Franklin was obviously worked up enough to shout himself hoarse but one was never sure why.  There is no mystery on the new cuts.

Tour Mode

Franklin is worked up over girls.  That’s awesome because there are few better ways for music to go right than with a sentimental boy laying it down over his lady troubles.  That’s why no one but nerds liked Yes before, “Owner of a Lonely Heart.”  All of their songs were about post-classical arrangements and traffic patterns.  Your Heart Belongs to the Midwest does not have any songs about the replacement of 4-way stop signs with roundabouts and, armed with 10 songs about girls and friendship, virtually every aspect of Warren Franklin’s craft has improved.

Even if I hadn’t heard sweaty boys chant along to the lead single, “Bro Downs Know No Bounds,” about a hundred times live before hearing the record, I would dub it anthemic.  All of that time spent crooning in basements across the nation has lent Franklin’s voice a new found strength and melodic edge.  Where he once bellowed or let loose an off key caterwaul, he now employs poppy yelps and caterwauls that are in tune.   He has used the new strength to craft a hundred foot wide chant-along hook for codependents everywhere. “I found their voices so calming/out by the highway we sing.  I swear it’s gonna get better for you.”

Excluding the instrumental track, the songs on Your Heart Belongs to the Midwest are lean and quick.  They have been honed down to just the key elements required to get ears open and fists raised. I’m not sure whether it is due to a larger budget, wider network of friends, or just an increase in ambition of ability but the production has made as notable of a leap forward as the songwriting and performance.  Like its predecessor, this album is largely built on acoustic guitar and voice but the little additions and flourishes (whether they’re the jaunty trumpet and tambourine on Bro Downs or the organ on the title track) succeed in adding both musical and emotional nuance to already successful songs.  For an album with one person’s name on the cover, “You Get Weary,” is a notably collaborative track.  Essentially presented as a duet between Franklin and Anthony Sanders from Chicago’s The Island of Misfit Toys (who added background and harmony vocals across the entire album), it adds piano, banjo, and mandolin for a genuinely affecting performance.  There are some real winners on this thing.

Highlight Tracks: (You’ve Never Heard) My Aim is True, Please Return (The Thrill of the Hunt), Bro Downs Know No Bounds, You Get Weary

Final Verdict: I like it.

Visit his Facebook page for more info

Watch for the release of Your Heart Belongs to the Midwest on June 11th via Count Your Lucky Stars Records

*Motherfuckers are known to do a very large amount of touring

Sock Monkey Sound

This episode features a young band from Rockford, IL called Bloom. We talk about the local all ages scene, the RAMI Youth Charity Jam, their influences, what the future holds for them; along with a live studio acoustic performance by Bloom.

Follow Bloom on Facebook

Bloom on Reverb Nation

Sock Monkey Sound

Belvidere, IL, is a quiet little manufacturing town outside of Chicago.   Some have called it the international gateway to Rockford, IL, once known as the screw capital of the world.  It’s also home to this series first honorary, April Fools award, Cheap Trick.

Growing up in Belvidere, I’d tune into Rockford’s finest radio stations, WZOK and WXRX, at least once a day hoping to hear my homeland heroes, U2.  In between waiting for such monster hits to play like  “With or Without You“, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For“, and “Where the Streets Have No Name“, I’d have to also sit through many Cheap Trick songs featured from every record they’d ever released due to local nepotism.

In 1988, the Tricksters released “The Flame”.  It was their one and only #1 charting Billboard single.  From the same record, “Lap of Luxury”, another song, “Don’t Be Cruel”, became their second highest charting single of all time. While Bono and the Edge were taking over the world, Cheap Trick took over N. Illinois and Wisconsin with other peoples songs but their own.  Whatever pays the bills, that’s show business.  A ballad like ‘the Flame’  that they did not write was not something that settled well with their live setlists.

Cheap Trick has made a career out of being a fantastic live, rock n’ roll band; having put as much of an investment with their performances in the crowd’s pleasure, to as much pleasure in their lead guitarist’s personal axe collection. Rick Nielsen strolls the stage like a court jester, tossing off guitar pics like stale  bread crumbs to little duckies hungry for a nibble.  Many bands just use guitars with 1 neck- not the Tricksters.  Nielsen sports a 2-neck, ‘Uncle Dick’ Hamer, as well as a 5-legged (neck) Hamer, ‘Uncle Need More Hands”.  None of it makes sense unless you enjoy the feeling of being distracted by a clown at the Mall. It often overshadows the memory of hearing the the band play “Downed” or “Auf Wiedersehen” live.  NOTE: Let’s not forget the 12 string bass that Tom Petersson invented; it’s slowly taking over the interest of Jaco Pastorius fans everywhere (or just in Rockford, IL).

Something can be said for longevity in rock n’ roll and Cheap Trick truly is one of rock’s longest running, American, bands. That alone is worth honoring their current existence over. However, for a band that has as many rabid fans, Trixsters, like nerds known as Trekkies, they never quite match their live performance energy with that of their recorded output. It’s a shame actually.  A band that great live can’t quite nail the live in the studio vibe.  I’d venture to say they’ve had the wrong people calling the shots for a very long time.

Imagine them working with Dave Grohl, Jack White, or Rivers Coumo at the production helm- and maybe they’d come close to the kind of respect many have foolishly bestowed down upon them. The same kind of respect that was sent from (inebriated) state politicians honoring them on April 1st in Illinois.  A day culturally known as April Fool’s Day is also known as Cheap Trick Day in their homestate.  The Rockford, IL four-tet also influenced this article’s inaugural, April Fools, shoutout.

The locals are now gathering for a stoning at their favorite forest city taverns.  The Rockford, Illinois, radio stations are in revolt, playing “Surrender” & “I Want You to Want Me” on repeat- interjected briefly by any Aerosmith song you’ve heard 4xs a day already. Geo, Jim, and the two local rags can’t believe we’d pick on the one subject that helps them sell more, irony-free, newspapers.

“How dare yous make fun of the Cheap Trick?  Who the hell do you think you are, Irish Brian?  Go back to Belvidere or Kilkenny if you don’t like hearing ‘Dream Police.’”  Ain’t that a shame.

BK

Sock Monkey Sound

Hideaway Your Power to Vote:  “One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.” – Plato

93,000 people and counting seem to love this video above. The locals really love it, and a few nationwide media outlets picked up on it. I’ve been trying hard not to cover this, pretending to be dead with my friend El Doug. What did I learn watching this? Nothing. Wait. I learned something I already knew again; Rick Nielsen could sell Satan’s biography as a political endorsement for anyone and the locals would eat it. It does feature some nice comments about Sock Monkey Sound’s hometown, Rockford, IL–and it was made by people I respect.  Still, it features Rick Nielsen of Cheap Trick which I believe is the only reason many people watched this.

It’s a Rockford marketing gimmick.  When all else fails, mention Cheap Trick.  It’s pathetic and lazy too.  In this case, the commercial, it works as a marketing ploy quite well; but it also plays up a safe, conservative, cheap marketing trick to fool the viewer and listener from really getting to the dark heart and truth of the issues it dances with.

On the surface, Rockford, IL, can best serve Wisconsin Senators on benders (that are fighting for their state’s rights) by offering them a place to hide, play, and spend their state’s money here (while they play hooky from paying jobs they have). Afterall, in Rockford, working, having jobs, isn’t quite our specialty anymore. (Please, come here to Rockford, IL, where we have the most unemployed people in the state not to mention nationwide. You’ll fit right in, plenty of bars and churches to hideaway in.  Charlie Sheen, while I’m at it- come on over to Rockford too and hideaway with us?) To the whiners, elitists and those delusional from too much positive thinking (poor is not cool), this is not negative in its intentions, this is the cold truth. Hideaway the truth, Rockford, IL; or the “northern province” (as referred to by John Oliver on The Daily Show, Monday, March 7th).  Somehow again, Rockford, IL, is connected to what is not right about this country.  The death of an Industrial city that now markets on behalf of the death of Democracy in Wisconsin. A tragic comedy in 2 parts.

A funny thing happened in Wisconsin tonight.  Democracy took a swift blow to the head, stomach, and the heart. The heart of the midwest, and the heart of America- what’s left of it right now is yet to be seen.  Picking up similar criminal traits previous Illinois governors and leaders have practiced for decades, Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin proceeded to make moves on stripping public workers (teachers, etc.) of their collective bargaining rights. Regardless of what you think of unions, or what I think of unions (many whiners, few winners), the governor of Illino- oops- Wisconsin, moved forward on his budget cut bill minus the 14 Senator Democrats enjoying their out-of-state plight in the name of Democracy.  Democracy doesn’t matter to the GOP.  Gov. Walker along with their party’s recent poster boy, Congressman Paul Ryan, have proven their actions are  party driven, not people driven.

That is the true crime- the demolition of democracy was thrown down like a pile driver on every American from Madison, Wisconsin.  Unlike Illinois where corruption and delusional leadership has run so rampant for decades that we believe it’s normal, I don’t expect Wisconsin to be quiet about this ruse like it’s neighbor’s state has behaved.  We, Illinois, are like a herd of depressed, positively delusional, pathetic, over worked, over taxed minions who take more pride and time in luring other state’s Senators on policy benders to vacate in economically depressed cities like Rockford, IL.  When we should be standing up and yelling right back at our own state leaders too- or easier, at Wisconsin’s senators, “Get back to your f*cking state and do your job- at least you have one.”  Them being here, does not help us create more jobs- MYTH. Illinois is a state raised on myths, crime, and corn along with complacent cows and corrupt pigs.

The bill in Wisconsin is going to pass, and there will be action by the working class, the unions, teachers, public workers. They will fight and fight unlike Illinois, but there’s a core problem to address; the power of the vote. A few important facts point out that the common man and woman, those with the power to vote nationwide, took their own personal rights for granted last November when the House of Representatives was turned over to the GOP by the power of the vote.  It was a bold move the American people made, not the GOP.  It was done like this:

1.  Brains, collectively, fail.
2.  Eyes, collectively, fail.
3.  Ears, collectively, fail.
4.  Hands, collectively, fail.
5.  Vote, collectively, succeed to fail and vice versa
6.  Refer to #1 above, start there, re-educate.

The list goes on.  The power of the vote deserves respect, responsibility, and research before the act and not after.  Many Americans, Wisconsin in this case, forgot I guess.  It comes down to some core skills we’re taught as children in grade school to formulate original thought, in return, maybe a little intelligence is rewarded for the hard work. Many Americans have forgotten how to read let alone formulate a decision based on facts or reason.  Then, to make responsible decisions.  Wisconsin, you failed yourself last November.  America, are you watching? Reading? Listening?  It’s pretty scary, it’s happening right here in the heartland. To the people of Wisconsin, I commend you for standing up and yelling.  I can not say the same for Illinois.  We want you to hideaway here.  Come on, hideaway your blues with us?

We used to be a nation of dreamers, workers, leaders- we are not that I fear.  We are not what my grandfather fought for. If he were alive, he would be pissed, looking for an argument, a fight, angry, and then a laugh with fellow citizens, right there with the public workers of Wisconsin, fighting for the rights of the common man and woman.  We are now a nation of whiny failures, myself included.

As for the GOP and their new wonderboy, Paul Ryan, the party was dead in the water and feeding off of it’s spin off show last fall, The Tea Party.  Meanwhile, the Democrats have proven time and time again that they are easily manipulated, weak, unable to acknowledge that the GOP fights for their party or other countries controlled interests, and not for the American people anymore.  It’s time for people to get pissed and educated regardless of party interests.  (Refer to the numbered pointers far above.)  In Wisconsin, the GOP is alive, breathing, and destroying democracy at any cost now.  Can you blame them? No. The power of the vote is like a swinging door; don’t get caught standing there wondering what you just did or didn’t do with your vote last November.  The responsibility is all ours, America, and still there’s so much to learn from our own actions or lack of- again and again and again.

The power of the vote just did a 180 on Wisconsin.  I hate to say it, Wisconsin is only the beginning and more states will follow their lead to correct bad math at the expense of the working class.  Cities like Rockford, IL will continue to market cheap tricks on behalf of socio-economic & demographic survival. What happened across the border to my neighbor state was a constitutional blow to the idea of Democracy.  Whether you take my minion advice or that of Plato’s, maybe a hideaway in Rockford, IL isn’t that bad.  Afterall, we’ve already been educated quite well for decades on the idealisms of collective deceit and corruption at the expense of the working class.

From the heartland, they reap what you sow.
The hogs are in harvest.

AW

Sock Monkey Sound

“… quite a few people expected us to go for the jugular with a record after ‘Union’ but we were not going to be tempted by that, we care too much about the music.”

- Adam Harrison, of The Boxer Rebellion

The Boxer Rebellion just released their 3rd full length record, “The Cold Still,” a tight, 10 song record, produced by Ethan Johns (Kings of Leon, Ray Lamontagne, The Jayhawks, Ryan Adams).  They also made their debut American TV network appearance on David Letterman’s show with an invading performance of “Step Out of the Car,” that reintroduced memories of The Smiths & U2 at their most musically determined. They’ve been a band for a decade strong now. These 4 original members from all over the world (Tennessee, Australia, England), calls London home; and not so strangely, 1 of the 2 Englishmen in the band has a special, Rockford, IL connection. Having said that, meet Adam Harrison (pictured below), bassist of The Boxer Rebellion.

Andy Whorehall: You guys come from all over the world and have been playing together for 6-7 years now? Where does the band call home base, and is there one place you miss?
Adam Harrison: It’s actually been 10 years now, all based here in London. I’d say that Nate misses Tennessee, and having been there myself I can’t blame him. The mountains and food of east Tennessee would be hard to be away from if you had grown up there.

AW: Chemistry is everything for a group of guys lasting more than 5 years together in anything. It’s definitely present in your recordings & the few live outtakes I’ve heard. Were there a few bands, artists, that you four felt a connection with that brought you guys together closer?
AH: We have a few artists that we share as influences but I’d say that it’s actually our differences that bring us together, so much has been written in modern music that to be original you have to be the sum of many influences. I think like all good relationships it is our differences that keep things fresh. Having said that, we share some common loves; it is a cliche but Radiohead have to be right up there, also bands like Sigur Ros who create the kind of atmospheres that we aspire to.

AW: Any artists you guys fight over?  Fist fights?  Wrestling?  Yelling?
AH: I love Dub, the rest of the boys don’t though–we don’t fight but I plot to eventually brainwash them into digging it!

AW: Dub seems to be a line in the sand for many bands, most bands are afraid to go heavy on the bass in the studio; and wind-chime synth effects–talk about an automatic indifference.  Anytime I hear synthesizer windchimes in a song I want to hi-5 the guy that actually got away with talking the others into leaving it in a final mix.  Was there ever a point where you knew as a collective that there was a level of professional craftsmanship you set out to meet and achieve together?
AH: Yeah. I think about 2 or 3 years in we we finally crafted our sound and what we wanted from it. I think it takes a while for that to happen and for some band it never happens at all.

AW: What UK/Euro bands should we, here in the States, keep an ear out for?
AH: ‘Everything Everything‘ are good friends of ours and make some pretty eccentric guitar music, also the new ‘Elbow‘ album is out soon and Guy Garvey, the lead singer, hung out with us for some of our recording sessions–they are an amazing band and he’s an inspiration.

AW: Any artists stateside that keep your respective attention?
AH: I love so many US bands, favorites would include ‘The National,’ ‘Interpol’ and ‘Band Of Horses,’ but there is also a really great wave of new acts, like ‘Buke And Gass’ or ‘We Are Augustines‘ that are emerging at the moment.

AW: What’s most likely being played in your tour bus, van on long drives to the next gig?
AH: A big mixture, all of the bands and artists I have mentioned already plus some wacky stuff thrown in for comedy value!

AW: Best diner you guys made a pit stop at to eat?  Anywhere in the world- please tell us, our readers will find it, and eat there!
AH: Grandma’s House (pictured left)… It’s in a place called Yreka (California) and can be found just off of highway 5 before you hit LA. It was a really surreal experience and almost exactly like walking into a random grannys front room but the food was great and the service super-friendly!

Mr. Whorehall thinks he might be 8 hands short.

AW: I know you know where Rockford, IL USA is at, we’ll get to that, but what do you think of Cheap Trick, the band?
AH: They are great and deserve their legendary status. Would I listen to them on a regular basis- no, do I respect them- definitely.

AW: You have a very personal Rockford, Illinois USA connection, care to share?  Protect names need be. We take pride in the little facts we hear here because the majority of the news we hear about Rockford, IL is about how awful we are as a city to the rest of the world.  Brag about your connection to Rockford- and was it that bad, to you, when you’ve been here as an outsider before?
AH: My wife’s family are from Rockford and I have to say that I really do enjoy visiting. Rockford seems to have some very down to earth people and I love hanging out with the in-laws and their friends. I think you can get surrounded by people who are out for themselves in the industry that I’m in and in Rockford you get none of that. The restaurants are great value and the atmosphere is relaxed. Not bad at all!

AW: Thank you, Adam. I’ll tell ya a local secret though, it’s pretty easy being down to earth living so close to Wisconsin, and then to it’s complete opposite, Chicago. We like it too & do take pride with little things, like not having a trainline, because anything we do decide to do well at this point in history is like being congratulated for Baby’s first steps. ; )  Your entire band snuck in and out of the N. IL area recently, did you make it out to any local dive bars? Catch local music? Eat anything spectacular?

JMK Nippons {Japan at sundown looks alot like Rockford, IL USA}

AH: We’ve had a few great gigs in Chicago- unfortunately the boys only got to see Rockford at night and then briefly during the day before we set off for Madison so no dive bars- we did however have an excellent lunch at JMK Nippons!

AW: You know JMK Nippons is one of Rick Nielsen’s (Cheap Trick guitarist) favorite local spots too; there’s a sushi roll named after him there called the Rick n’ Roll. I enjoy JMK greatly, though it gives me the diarreah within 30 minutes of intake everytime. I think it’s the butter.  Moving on, Adam. Many kids start bands with grand intentions, at what point did you realize The Boxer Rebellion was becoming your life, that it was more than a weekend excuse to travel a bit, meet people, play for drinks?
AH: I think I’ve been serious about making it in a serious way since i was 12! But in all honesty it was only when we signed out first deal with Universal that i thought, ‘hang on a minute, i may actually have a career here…’, since then we’ve had periods of going back to the grind but for quite some time we have been fully committed to making this happen full time, and for the last 2 years we’ve once again been 100% band, 0% shop assistant…

AW: On your newest release, “Cold Still,” you worked with Ethan Johns (Ryan Adams, Jayhawks, Kings of Leon, Ray LaMontage / pictured right) who’s produced a few of my favorite Modern American pop records; was their any apprehension goin into the sessions for ‘Cold Still’ that it might not work? Or were you simply excited to work with him?
AH: Not at all. We are very protective over our production, to the point of self producing our second record ‘Union,’ so we all had to have total confidence in his abilities before we even approached him. His past work has been beautifully crafted and his natural approach was the change we needed for a new and fresh record.

AW: What other producers made your dream list for the new record, care to share?
AH: Rick Rubin goes without saying, a true legend from Johnny Cash to The Mars Volta. You have also got to give huge kudos to Brian Eno and Daniel Lanois for what they have done in the past. Markus Dravs is also becoming a bit of legend and deservedly so.

AW: Nice mention- Markus Dravs (Arcade Fire, Coldplay, Bjork, Brian Eno, Bjork, Mumford & Sons) is definitely a name that’s joined the list of great modern album producers. Was their an effort with Johns at the helm to slow down the songs brought into ‘Cold Still?’
AH: Not really, the songs were all written apart from one and we had set out from the beginning to go a little deeper with this record–what Ethan did was to reach the potential of each track and bring it to the best possible place it could be.

AW: There’s an obvious mood, pace, and melodic difference between ‘Union’ and ‘Cold Still’… Union seems to draw more emotion from melody, tapping into a mid 90s Radiohead vibe, vs what ‘Cold Still’ draws from, rhythm- intentional? What’s the writing process like?
AH: Nathan and Todd brought ideas in for songs on past records but as we progress, more material is written by all of us as a collective, that may have led to the rythmical changes you have noticed but we still focus hard on  melodic hooks, perhaps just not as many commercially obvious ones–I think that quite a few people expected us to go for the jugular with a record after ‘Union’ but we were not going to be tempted by that, we care too much about the music.

AW: There’s definite influential nods within the atmosphere of the production to Joy Division, some of the bass lines; U2 with the guitar; the vocals tease the inner Morrisey/Chris Martin. These are the words of random music fan ‘Yanks I’ve asked for opinions from.  Me personally? I hear alot of Elbow in your music, mood and atmosphere, especially the new one. All the parts melt. Having said that, both of your full length records are very UK, European and lean towards those artist comparisons.  Is this something you’re aware of and does it ever bother you now, knowing this is your life, career?
AH: I am aware of all of the artists we are compared to, luckily though we are never referred to as ‘a rip off’ of one particular band, some bands really do have one major influence and it’s hard to avoid that when listening to them. I hadn’t read this question before referencing Elbow earlier and am completely comfortable in calling them an influence.

AW: (I’m pretty happy you mentioned Elbow earlier. I felt an honorable connection to their music through listening to The Boxer Rebellion.) Anything you else thought you were gonna be in life besides being in a band, and seeing the world?
AH: Honestly? I have never given any serious consideration to doing anything else. I’m sure that attitude will bite me on the ass one day but it provides the determination needed to slog it out in today’s music industry.

AW: Do you feel lucky to be a musician in this world the way it is?
AH: Definitely. I wake up feeling lucky and i never take for granted the fact that i can make a living out of something i absolutely love doing. Not many people can say that.

AW: Do you ever feel as if Thom Yorke and Eddie Vedder should just go work in a cafe if they’re still so sad about life and being a rock star?
AH: Thom is, contrary to popular opinion, a pretty happy guy- Eddie I have no connection to so couldn’t tell you but I think there should be space for people to explore that side of life artistically. They may experience the world from a darker perspective but without the beauty they create from it we’d be missing the whole picture.

A Jimmy Buffett Shark Fin Shirt Original

AW: I’m happy you pointed out the differences between the artist and the person, how they can differ, and from the rest of us- as they should; it is an artistic right to personally explore other voices and being misunderstood as a person, rather as an artist, is the most common result of artistic critique. It’s pretty fun. Enough of that- favorite records at the moment?
AH: James Blake (self titled), Buke And Gass- ‘Riposte,’ and Radiohead- ‘The King Of Limbs.’

AW: 2 more loaded fun questions to end this:  Why don’t more people cover Jimmy Buffet songs? And who wins a karaoke contest between Noel & Liam Gallagher?
AH: Because not everyone can pull off a shirt like Buffet and not every venue serves a margarita of sufficient quality. Noel would win as he’d have a far better knowledge of other artists, Liam could possibly manage about 3 Beatles songs and a Stone roses cover…

AW | End

{Thank you, Adam, for your time; and to Sumit & The Cobbs for making this conversation possible for SMS.}

Sock Monkey Sound

SMS Ed. Note:  El Doug & Andy have gone missing after this piece was supplied to us via an anonymous email that contained the message, “they think he’s out for himself- the fools who drink from the rockford well do not drink from the well of knowledge.”  Their whereabouts are unknown as of February 17th, 2011.  We’ve included photos of the suspects mentioned in Andy’s last entry supplied to us.  No one has seen them for days and there are no photo records of Andy or El Doug’s profiles to include as Andy’s agreement with SMS did not allow a photo of him.  Please contact us via email or phone with any details of our missing friend & writer, his friend, or the suspects mentioned. Regards, SMS

The Death of El Doug

By Andy Whorehall

“I was talkin to so & so in the pisser and they said you’re only drinking with me to tell my stories, to your advantage. You know, like, my special BBQ sauce recipe, and how you may want to sell my recipe to Heinz or KFC?! What a joke. Life’s so much easier at the BBQ plant, Andy. This is why I love my life, stirring the sauce- I don’t have to deal with minions if I don’t want to- just you. I don’t have to worry ’bout people in El Rockford, IL with their battered spirits, conservative worries and unattended-to ambition. Say what you will about the El Doug, but I make the BBQ sauce for everyone to enjoy!”
- Douglass Arthur Arbisi-Grobnik

{Read > Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6}

“Man, that felt good.” El Doug returns from the urinals with imaginary estimates on his mind, right where we last left this story. ”You know, Andy, I was gonna tell you more secrets using this menu as a metaphor.  But look at where we live.  Look at the people.  Listen to them talk. Listen to the garbage they tell other people about other people, rather than about themselves.  Look at them, listen.” Ok, Doug, where is this going?  There’s 55,000 more words I have to edit about your life- what are you really saying now?

“I was in the bathroom takin a piss next to some guy who says to me, ‘you friends with that Warhole guy out there?’ So I says to him, ‘Yeah man, wong time.  What’s it to you?’ So I’m finishing my thing, shakin off the juice, and he says-” Doug pauses for a second. “You know what, Andy?”  What, Doug, what?

“Forget it. He just doesn’t know you-” Wait, what did he look like? “I don’t know…short, asian, black tuxedo, fu man chu facial hair. I think. I couldn’t really tell but it appeared he had a pet monkey with him.  Strange, man.” A monkey?!  ”Yeah, he looked like Mr. Fuji, you know- the old 80s wrestler- that guy!”  Weird.  “Yeah, he thinks you’re an asshole because of the things you say with your pens & pencils about everything; bands, city serpents & other stuff people are afraid to talk about.  He thinks artists are vindictive or need therapy, specifically you. Like I said, forget it, let’s drink.”  No, wait, what else did he say, El Doug?

“Thinks you’re out for yourself, that what you write is just a self-serving platform for yourself and that-”  Yeah, cause I enjoy whorehalling myself ? Doubt it.

“Right? Like you have extra free time for extra free work-” Exactly, Doug. “At least professional whores get something out of bending over a few times. Then he tried buying my special BBQ sauce recipe off of me! Told me he heard about it at an after hours party. What’s Rokefort doin talkin bout my sauce after hours?! That’s my BBQ sauce!” He say anything else?

Francis The Macaque, Mister Meerasaké's pet monkey, sporting a Sock Monkey Sound T-Shirt. Huh.

“Who cares, forget it. We’re all in the same, sunk, boat. But come on! Some asian mob boss, bully with a pet monkey he called Francis wants to corner El Doggie in the shitter to tell me my business about my friends?!  F him.  F him and his monkey.  F him for talkin shit instead of  taking a shit.” What, El Doug?  This makes no sense. Asian mob bosses, monkeys, agendas, bbq recipes. We were on pace here, Doug… to tell your story, your family’s story, about growing up in Rockford, IL, and how you became the happiest part-time, anti-arts, anti-music, pro-science, BBQ stirrer of all time to ever claim El Forest Citay as your birth city.  This is a sad day, El Doug.

A gentleman 4 feet away on the corner seat, white hair peeking out from under his black White Sox hat, spruces up and leans in for a moment. He with the gray speckles of a beard growin in bright and prickly and eyes wide open and glazed must’ve been eavesdropping the whole time; “Here, here boys!  Ahahahaha- ‘Fuck him for talkin shit instead of taking a shit…now that’s some Grade A Macaque Meat!” Whuh?  ”Made ‘specially for both yawl livin the low life in and out of Rockford, IL’s Rumor Mill & Grind Shop- what was it I heard one of you sissie boys say earlier? ‘Eat or be eaten? Fuck or be fucked?’ Hail yeah, I’ll put some special Rokefort flavored BBQ sauce on that, Mr. Dog- and to you too,Warhole!”

El Doug, “Aw man I love the BBQ! You were listenin’ weren’t you old man?!  Man I got lots of secrets but you keep that recipe to yourself, put it on your fish, ok?  By the way, It’s El Doug, sir, not Mr. Doug. And I call him, Andy, he likes to create with his time because he can.  That man talkin shit in the shitter?  How ironic right? That’s just good ol’ Rockford, IL, rumor talk, Sir. Now don’t you go sharin’ my recipe with the local minions- ‘specially that asian man with the pet monkey- OH! What’s that smell you say ol’ man?!  Thas right, ROKEFORT BBQ! More for me and you- ‘specially if you keep your f*cking mouth shut.”

El Doug laughs at his own whatever and stares at the old man.  The mood has shifted slightly.  I’m in disbelief still, the asian man cornering El Doggie in the urinal thing, though demographically it all makes ironic sense- especially the part about the pet monkey.

God H. Christ, 1 out of 3 possible suspects responsible for the crimes committed against El Doug & Andy

The old man nods and tips two fingers to his hat towards us, the index slightly misaligned with the middle one, while his other hand reaches inside his coat and behind his back to smilingly conclude, “I’ll drink to that too, boys- but take your Bibles and your BBQ back to where yous came from and put those drink chips out where I can see them. Now.” Uh, what?  “I am God H. Christ and I’ve been sent to Rokefort, IL, to take back what I have mistakenly created, YOU, EL DOUG, YOU.” Whoa, whuh? “I am 1 in 3 iDammit! Do you wants me to mess with the power of 3 at once?!” No? “HAIL NO! DRINK CHIPS! ON THE BAR! NOW!” Wait, what? “NOW iDAMMIT NOW!”

I never pictured God’s wrath this way; an old, angry, drunk white guy with a subtle twang in a White Sox hat eavesdropping on us in a bar and then iDamming us- while trying to steal our drink chips.  Karen Carpenter sings from the bar jukebox overhead, “we’ve only just begun,” and technically we have.

There’s 55,000 more words I need to share with you somehow but there’s some confusion about the existence of El Doug, his purpose and overall cultural significance.  I was trying to get there but the asian man and God H. Christ are pretty powerful literary figures deserving of their own storys too. ”Big Bird, Mickey Mouse, Tony Soprano, Hank Hill and whatever fictional character you pretend to be playing video games aren’t real either; nor are they culturally & realisitically significant.”  Yes, you are right, Doug. We’ve only scratched at the surface of my friend, El Doug, aka Douglass Arthur Arbisi-Grobnik, but this story is over.

“Here, keep your bibles and your drink chips, I don’t want them.”
Douglass Arthur Arbisi-Grobnik vs. The Local Elite,
Rockford, IL.

AW

Sock Monkey Sound

Are you as terrified as I am?

CRT

SMS Ed. Note:

Sock Monkey Sound

By Andy Whorehall

“Coach Kelly. You. Are. Wrong.”
- Douglass Arthur Arbisi-Grobnik

{Read > Part 1 | Part 2}

Doug & I met in 1983, our first year of Bronco League baseball playing for the West State Grocery together. It was our 5th year as ‘organized’ baseball players; having graduated from T-Ball and Pinto to Mustang and Bronco in league structured fashion. I knew Doug was going to be my friend forever during our 3rd or 4th practice together as Team Grocery.

The Irish Führer, Coach Kelly.

Many ask how Doug earned the ‘El.’ Let this be the first & only time it’s stated that it has nothing to do with the character Kevin Nealon plays on the popular tv show, “Weeds.” It’s deeper than that.  El Doug was born out of a culturally misdirected racist comment Coach Kelly threw at him in practice when we were 11.  We refer to Coach Kelly as The Irish Fuhrer now-a-days. This specific exchange below between Doug & Coach Kelly during name check replays often. I often believe this is when the great El Doug became more of a leader than any one man called mayor of Rockford, IL. And at such an early age.

“Grabnik-Arbisi?”? Doug raised his hand.
“Check. Warhole?”? Doug kept his hand raised.
“Oh you got 3 last names?”? Hand, high.
“Coach, my name is Douglas Arthur Arbisi-Grobnik, not Grabnik-Arbisi.”? Here it comes.
“Hate to brake it to ya kid but I don’t play games with hyphens & vowels ok? Ok.  How about we make all the Mexicans here happy too? I’ll just call you, El Doug? Ok? You’re fast too- 2 laps, now!  Warhole?”? Doug kept his hand raised.
“It’s called english- 2 laps, now.”? Holding hand high.
“Coach. It’s Whorehall. Like a hooker.” ?Hand still raised, team laughs.
“Grabinski-Arbinski, we got a funny guy, like a hooker. Lemme guess your pops over there is a banker too? 4 laps and bring the bag of balls to the other dugout on your way back. Now, now now!”? Hand held high, frozen, not 1 motion to move himself towards running any laps.

(The defining moment El Doug would be my friend forever.)

“You don’t make any sense! Coach Kelly. You. Are. Wrong. 1, It’s Whorehall not Warhole; 2, I don’t run laps; 3, I’m Polish-Italian AND American, not Mexican; 4, I quit. I hope you lose you.. you, ummmm… you drunk Mickey!”

‘You drunk Mickey.’ Obviously Doug confused something he heard his ma or pops recite around the house with a Disney character. His heart was all there though the brain to mouth delivery & execution wasn’t quite perfected yet.

Stu Grobnik & Randy Whorehall chit chat with the others pops.

Doug’s hand remained high. Each finger but the middle one collapsing into a proud fist. The most memorable bird man & child could imagine.  He stood up, tried to spit, failed, and briskly ran towards his father. Stu happened to be chit-chatting with my dad, Randy, 30-40 yards away. Thus began a lifelong friendship rooted in team, irony, rebellion, pride, defense, humor, ethics, rules that are made for the breaking, the grounds for quitting, & character,

That day forward, Doug became El Doug. He owned that title with a finger, not as a quitter.  He came back to play; though he was forced to apologize to The Irish Fuhrer at his mother’s request. “The apology should have been the other way around.” Yes, Doug. But what are ya gonna do now about it?

The irony settled in at such a young age. We didn’t quite get Coach Kelly’s racist jokes til later on in life. Doug prefers to refer to Coach Kelly or thoughts of him as a mouse still. “That drunk irish Mickey. What a rat.”

Many drunk El Doggie conversations resort back to Coach Kelly if he’s feeling the blur & burn. ”Here’s my breakdown on Coach Kellys & everyone we know” Uh oh.

“Hiya I’m Mister Coach Kelly I know everything. Um lemme call up my other drunk, righteous,Rockford, IL roofing friends & we’ll fix that ourselves. Save some money, bring a keg of Miller Lite & some weed, & let’s make a party out of it? Ok. There ya go Matilda, I fixed it honey!

“Meanwhile, 2 years later after the roof caves in, call the professionals to undo the wrong you’ve done to do it right.  Guess who you call?  Here’s a guess:  Vowel-Hyphen-Consonant. El F*cking Doug. To think he was our coach with a mouth like that?! People like him ruin it for everyone. What a jerk… this f*king town.” This *cking town. Three words that end many of El Doug’s drunk rants.

I tend to blame Coach Kelly for Doug’s drinking problem. But without The Irish Fuhrer, there may never be an El Doug. So was born ‘The’ Doug as some fortunate enough have come to know him. The promise of a good leader was always inside him; humble enough to take a lap or two for the team (or not) depending on the situation. Not anymore. Instead we got another decent young man ruined by politically incorrect community leaders leading young cubs into a life of irony too early.  The good ol’ boy way is also the Rockford way. Depending on your sense of humor, the worst was yet to come.

Welcome to Rockford, IL, saddle up to the bar.
Here’s a bible & a drink chip, stick around for awhile won’t ya?
You still haven’t met El Doug; or the other dumb drunks.

AW | andy whorehall
{Email | Web}

Sock Monkey Sound

{Read > Part 1 | Part 3}

© classicalmusicguide.com

“Ideas are worthless if you can’t pay your bills with them.”
- Douglass Arthur Arbisi-Grobnik

His birth name is Douglass Arthur Arbisi-Grobnik. We call him El Doug, D.A., & a few other nicknames. The son of a Rockford-Italian on his mother’s side;  and the grandson of a respected Polish-Chicagoan accordion player, Slats Grobnik, on his father’s side.  He’s the best friend you can have in this world, says it how it is whether you like it or not. A direct reflection of his own roots.

Grand-Pop’s Grobnik used to argue that, “this world went to sh*t when the accordion was replaced by guitars. All the idiots came outta their woodsheds and made the rock music. Garbage. You kids now a days don’t even know what music is.  I’d rather you all be deaf than listen to that nonsense.” G.P.Grobnik was a great man but carried a total disregard for the arts after his beloved accordion was replaced by the guitar.

Thus, El Doug grew up to love sports and hate music, art– anything that “promotes a life of misery, filth, depression, alcoholism, homelessness & poor hygiene- which lest I remind you is quite f*cking different than filth.  You want me to go on?”  And he does.

He can go on and on about Science and Sports vs. Art.  He believes, “ideas are worthless if you can’t pay your bills with them.”  Even if you offer to disagree he’ll prove one way or another he is right and you are wrong. The Doug is always right.

The boys & I tend to call him El Doggie when he’s out of line. Reasons for this are too early to tell you, and the ladies may not like why.  So let’s focus on the first priority, ‘how did Douglass Arthur Arbisi-Grobnik become El Doug?’  How did the ‘El’ end up in front of Douglass Arthur Arbisi-Grobnik’s abbreviated first name?

“Ha. Wouldn’t you like to know more about the El Doug? You filthy, disgusting, dead & dreaming city dwellers. I’ve got BBQ sauce to stir, later!” Yes, El Doggie, and in the 3rd person? Now get to work—there’s an average of 7 to 18 unemployed people waiting in the imaginary employment line for you to lose your welfare-waged job.

AW | andy whorehall
{Email |  Web}

Sock Monkey Sound

{SMS Ed. NOTE: ”El Doug vs. The Local Elite” is a new series that won’t be ending anytime soon.  Come back often to read the next 30,000 / 60,000 words. We’re giving away the first half of the book.  We have no idea what we’re doing with the other 30,000 words but chances are you will pay for the book’s production at Kickstarter because that’s what all the city leaders are doing now-a-days in Illinois to raise money to save cities from being attacked by Wisconsin, Indiana & IOWA!!!!! Oh God, Iowa. Iowa can be so mean. Ok? Ok.}

By Andy Whorehall

‘El Doug’ is a good friend of mine. He’s been lurking in the shadows of these pieces for quite awhile, offering ideas in passing while choosing to remain anonymous. Til now. With permission he’s agreed to help this guy out of a nasty writer’s block.  A block created by old fashioned holiday cheer, winter cold, and direct email criticism. Top it off, The Decemberists recently released a great little record that can be summed up with one phrase, ‘R.E.M., before Bill Berry left.’ That’s a good thing, for both bands in 2011. It’s pretty hard to start off the year on the wrong foot when everything’s going great.

“You’re no Lester Bangs.  Hell.  You’re not even Will Pfeiffer.” – Anonymous

You are 100% correct. My name is neither–nor did I ever claim to be a dead, rock journalist; or a small town movie buff / paid journalist.  If there’s any similarities I’m missing out on, send them to me because I enjoy their scribblings, and you’re still right. I’m neither one of those men mentioned, so I offer you zero apologies, ok? Ok. Thanks for reading.

Then there’s the other kind of criticism, from childhood friends who loathe rock n’ roll, art, culture more than the average, say, alien. I don’t feel so qualified to write about music when I’ve got anti-arts advocates like my lifelong friend, D.A. Arbisi-Grobnik, throwin curve balls at me.

“I don’t know how you do it man. Rock n’ Roll is a lie. A myth, an instigator for alcoholism, homelessness & irresponsibility. Feed the addicts, fuel the egos.  I like money, Andy. It pays the bills and feeds our faces. What band do you know of books a gig at Red Lobster to play for free crab legs? Thought so–not the bands you write about.”

Say hello to Douglass Arthur Arbisi-Grobnik.  The man responsible for 2-3 phone calls a week that begin with: “Listen to this…,” “I just saw…,” and “Did you see today’s paper?”

“Did you see that article in the paper today?”
Which one?

“‘Where the Elite Meet to Eat.‘ The LOCAL ELITE LIKES TO EAT… in Rockford.  The Rockford Elite, irony- Get it?”
Yeah, I get it- today’s paper?

“Yep. Rick Nielsen, first paragraph, likes to eat at a restaurant he part owns; Dave Syverson likes to eat at that same restaurant he part owns with Rick; Mike Dunn likes to eat a cheeseburger at a bar he now owns that his son runs for him… uh… so the elite gets to name drop their businesses that they own too?  Free advertising.”
Free irony if anything.

“But us poor people?  ’Here’s a billboard from Taco Bell & The Register Star. Thank you for making Taco Bell your best place to eat Mexican food!”
Taco Johns is so much bett-

“Here ya go moo moos, meet the elite. Oh & here’s some free advertising for the restaurants they co-own that they eat at while the rest of this town pays for their newspaper ads. The irony, Andy- it’s killin me.”
Me too, Doug.

“I gotta get outta this place.”
Me too, Doug, me too.

© J. Lee / Driving around in Rockford, hungry.

Doug & I would like to send free props out to everyone who has to pay any publication to advertise their local business.

“Businesses I do not co-own that I enjoy to eat at are: The Olympic Tavern, your Stuffed Chicken Breast Dinner & No-Bread Fred preferably; to the Deli Italia, your Basil-Tomato-Mozarella sandwich; Capri, the BEST pizza in town; and also to Chens, Nunzios, and Tito’s Kitchen. There’s many more. Your presence on the north west side makes poor people–non-elitists & local hobos–feel elite.”

To the elitists, hipsters, local celebrities & leaders, El Doug has a few more plugs for restaurants he & I don’t co-own.

“I love the local places rich white people eat at, it’s their right to, but I prefer to eat at Chipotle, Noodles, Chilis & B-DUBS. Red Lobster, for my hard earned money, is the best anti-elitist joint in town though.”
Damn it, Doug. Did ya have to tell ‘em for free? Now they know.

Bye bye, wall.

AW | andy whorehall
{Email |  Web }

SMS Ed. Note: Sales representatives looking to advertise their chain restaurant businesses on Sock Monkey Sound, please contact us. We’re not too hip or elite to turn your marketing interests down, or your ad dollars.  We’re very poor, most of us unemployed or self-employed. We like money, spicy garlic wings, reserved tables or booths, fire-roasted guacamole sauce, complimentary drinks, crab legs, free dessert, & the barbacoa burrito bowl with 3 crispy taco shells on the side.

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Mary's Place, Rockford, IL

Caught a young band from Beloit, WI, the Abominable No Men, out of the blue in Rockford’s oldest bar on the River. The band is young, talented, fantastic, rough on the edges (as these ears prefer), with a great frontman/lead guitarist, Thomas Dapper. The rhythm section served to inspire and support Dapper. Releasing a touch sluggishly when expected, but building perfect moods and serving as Dapper’s foil to excrete smooth, Slash/Homme-like solos. The band impressed, chugging alongside Dapper, often falling behind like a single dopplegänger, intentionally, and then following his new leads.

Not knowing any songs they were performing, I’ll assume they were originals. Amazing original songs, some were more instrumental than anything; reminding me of Mogwai, Queens of the Stone Age and a marching band coming through to take new listeners. I had to ask the bar owner who they were, he, like me, impressed.

Abominable No Men (Beloit, WI)

Dapper & company has the goods, with a little live seasoning and age, the ‘No Men’ (as I think they should be renamed for booking & self-marketing ease:  despite the sly slap on Bush-ism, whether they meant it or not) is another fine, talented, young band with tons of promise to keep an eye on from the Northern IL & Southern, WI region. I’ll await their first studio record with great interest. Catch them if you can, seems like they, or Dapper, will be around awhile to reckon with- and they’re only going to get better. Scary.

aW

_________________________________________

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Sock Monkey Sound

By Andrew Whorehall

Premise: In 1998, I saw Wilco play On The Waterfront to about 8 people, if that.  In 1999, I saw The Jayhawks’ great songwriter, Gary Louris, proclaim, “Wow, we’ve never played to a bunch of chairs before.”  Waterfront always provides lasting memories.  This year, a $9 Elephant Ear I didn’t buy did just that. Downtown businesses ‘have to’ abide by the rules set forth by the On the Waterfront, Inc. committee.  Meaning, prices on alcohol have to be consistent with festival prices.  Here’s the problem;  I wanted 1 Elephant Ear, it cost 18 tickets which is equal to $9.00.  I left downtown with a stomach fulfilled instead by The Octane, a regular downtown joint that served me a single meal for $9.  If you’re gonna place rules on downtown businesses (which is WRONG), place rules on the asshole elephant ear making vendors that are only down there 3 days a year.  This town is retarded, sure, but I’m not retarded enough to blow $9 on an elephant ear when I can get a decent meal for the same amount at Octane.  The math is alllllll wrong- on all fronts.  On The Waterfront, Rockford, IL, 2010.

2010 On The Waterfront, Rockford, IL: HEADLINERS

The self-proclaimed ‘largest street festival’ also serves as a mass gathering of vendors with slight potential to gang rape specific individuals’ wallets and purses with bad, bad, bad, bad, bad math.  If you rely on respectable math to determine your moods, Waterfront is not the place to discover or maintain ‘happy’ unless you’re into adorable (cheap) hookers, concrete beds and 32 flavors of social diseases.  If you don’t care for numbers that weigh heavily against your personal and financial reality, you’ll love it!

Enough non-fiction, this piece is about the horrible facts discovered in a short amount of time at the Waterfront on a Saturday afternoon into sundown.

Last I checked, Rockford, as a city, it’s people, economically are not doing that well so you’d expect smaller ticket prices and less credible bands for what they do proudly advertise as “Illinois’ Largest Street Festival.”  I want to see the math equation that proves that tagline.  Is it based on territory?  Shoe size?  Judging by the bookings and confusing price packages for admissions, seems like this year’s committee hired a special mathematician to do the numbers.  They make ticket prices and 3-Day passes seem so confusing for no reason. No, I’m not going to be that guy that buys tickets to a street festival in Rockford, in advance- no, too complicated & unnecessary.  They’re not hooking me on that based on experience and a half-assed sales pitch;  have you seen the bands lineup?  I like to walk up to a gate, pay, get stamped, go in;  like in any other city, block party.  I don’t want a ticket unless you’ve booked Led Zeppelin with John Bonham, brought back Sam Cooke from the grave, or fine, I’d settle for Chicago’s own_______ but I’m not giving it away, you have to pay for marketable advice here.   The Waterfront committee seems to be lacking in the marketing research & booking department.

Wilco: 1998 On the Waterfront: above, Jeff Tweedy & Jay Bennett, better days.

TIP: Just call them tickets or stop wasting $$$$ on printing cost for 4 color tickets with a die line and tear.  Charge less, stamp the hand, rubber band the wrist for drinkers- Jesus, it’s not that hard.  For this year’s LARGEST street festival In Illinois, I doubt the Waterfront Committee is doing that well either with math equations or common sense, cents, scents, sense.  Geddy Lee, Pavement, check please.

Facts:

Bought 1 ticket for $15 dollars at the gate, for one day admission, for one person.

Billy Idol- headlined, rad.

Dierks Bentley- headlined, solid gold.

Adam Lambert- headlined, prophetic.

Hinder - headlined, game changers.

Weird Al- headlined, genius.

There ya go, the headliners for Illinois’ LARGEST street festival.
Three words xs5;  No, thanks.

Many other facts that are negative in a large looming manner;  as mentioned above, local downtown businesses having to match drink prices in accordance with Waterfront, Inc.’s committee rules (silly- and intrusive.)

Intrusive:  The cost of an elephant ear and the reality of math.  The cruelest fact of them all was this:

$9.00 for 1 Elephant Ear.  18 tickets, $9, the Oasis stage.

Comment: Who the f*ck do you think you are to charge $9 for an elephant ear?  Please answer below in the comments area of this post.  Tell us what math went into that decision to charge 18 tickets (each .50 cents) for a festival favorite of many people, including this guy.  I chose otherwise, sadly.  So did my cohorts. For the same amount you could drink 2 beers.  I’m a fan of logic and do what I can to surround myself with logical people.  Thanks for the reality check, Waterfront.  You see, again, respect true math;  it reveals all the answers you need for a good or bad time.  We still had a good time mocking the reality of that math, bad math.

SupplyCore has the best sign in all of downtown Rockford, IL

Positives: My friends and I love drinking on other peoples business property downtown;  especially under the glowing gaze of a Bush Jr. Era’s favorite contracted, millitary, provider of procured supplies;  SupplyCore.   My favorite Rockford company- so much drama!!!  And here I am drining cold beer staring at the glowing green sign!   The Provenzano brothers redefine the term, “family business.”  If anything, I feel bad for the parents of what has become our own city’s version of Cain & Abel, dueling brothers.  A successful shame, what money can do and does to destroy a family- an awful f*cking shame.

Here’s to the Highlight:  Guzzardo’s Emerging Artist Showcase on the Oasis Stage had me thinking why they couldn’t have that featured right before a respectable headlining act- not Hinder, not Adam Lambert, not Dierks Bentley, not Billy Idol,  maybe Weird Al (I like Al);   again, I said, “respectable.”  My reasons for such are simple and supportive to the local music community that is rich in talent.  Seeing Xen / Darren Garvey / Crankupmadonna compete and support each other should be brought to the main stage, Waterfront committee.  Show off your local talent the way other cities, block parties, festivals do in regards to having a local act open for a headlining act.  Throw it all in the blender- give up on the path you’ve gone down on the past few years and start over.  Now’s the time for new blood.

There’s an entirely different demographic you’re missing- a large one that’s fed up with the Rockford way.  Start researching other festivals that are working quite well in dark, technological, word of mouth times;  Pitchfork Festival, St. Pat’s Block Party (both Chicago)- start there and then come to us- again, I’m not going to speak on behalf of the others but I’m stating it now, “We’re not helping for free but we’ll help- this is isn’t Natural Helpers Camp.”

I end on that, I am ashamed of my hometown again;  specifically the Waterfront committee, a pathetic offering of sorts that doesn’t live up to your advertised tagline:  “Illinois’ Largest Street Festival.”  To me you’re just another large Illinois math problem that has the wrong people doing the math.  Suggestion:  new blood & now.

aW  |  andywhorehall.com

Sock Monkey Sound

By Andrew Whorehall

Summer vacation, head south in Illinois for affordable decisions.

Every year I venture the roads 3-5 hours south from Rockford, IL to a place I call a poor man’s paradise.  Southern Illinois.  It’s affordable and the sights are glorious between northern, central and southern IL.  Stop by Peoria, IL, for a buffet meal at Big Al’s, located downtown.  Don’t stay too long, you’ll contract something & end up with a drawl somehow.  Journeying through Illinois listening to dialects is a national past time for me like fishing is for others.  Where some people prefer to catch a fish and practically choke it to death as they pose for a picture to then throw it back, I prefer to take in the sounds that humans make when they talk. Illinois has the best dialects of everywhere.  You’ll ask yourself, “Where am I again?  How did this happen?”  Accents, drawls and twangs, are developed naturally and then exported to places like Mississippi and Texas for ‘Made in America’ authenticity.  Some of these traits show up in every small town in America but the special twangs are created from the middle of everywhere & nowhere known as Illinois.  ”My twang?  Made in Illinois, Exported to America.”

Once you’ve had enough of Peoria’s hedonistic pleasures;  strip bars, the gambling boat, great eateries, you’ll realize that downtown Peoria could have been a model for Rockford, IL, to follow decades ago to save itself from economic despair, oh well.  Onwards, as far south as we will go and then head north, summer vacation, 2010.

Art, God's favorite.

Have you ever felt goosebumps approaching St. Louis from the distance?  It’s magical and free.  Seeing the St. Louis arch from the distance reminds me that there is a God that has a sense of humor.  For miles and hours you’re surrounded by nothing but gas stations and a slightly tan-brown/sometimes green earth begging for rain.  Out of nowhere there’s this giant piece of steel called art, plopped down in the middle of nowhere announcing you are arriving to the middle of nowhere.  It’s best appreciated from afar.  Reggie “Railroad” Reynolds, my childhood friend, says to our other friend, Ray, “Look Rayray, there’s half of Ray Kroc’s dream.”  Once you make it to downtown St. Louis, venture towards the Mississipp River and stand under the Arch.  Remind yourself you’re looking up at ‘art.’  They call that art, half of Ray Kroc’s dream.

Standing under art.

Once you’re there I suggest making some swift decisions;  choose the Missouri side of St. Louis.  The beaches along the mighty Ole Miss’ are best taken in around dawn, when soft scents from the west meet the stench from the south.  Survive the beaches along the Mississippi River for a night and head back into town for a night of rap-country music.  It’s one of the few cities in America that can lay claim to ghetto-billie music where gangster rap and pop country hook up for hits.  One of St. Louis’s finest ghetto-billie rappers is Nelly.  He claims to be a St. Louis native but he was actually born in Austin, Texas.  He dueted with Tim McGraw once on a hit song called, “Over & Over.”  If you stay a night or two in St. Louis, you begin to understand how these sorts of awful creations end up becoming hits throughout the country.

The beaches of St. Louis, MO.

We hit the road, there’s no point in going any more south from St. Louis unless you’re looking for the Gulf.  We (Reggie, Ray, Sheila-Shantina & I) head back north through the shores of Southern Illinois to Farmerville, IL.  We stopped there to take a jog around the town, pay our dues to old memories.  One weekend in 1993, I slow danced for the first and last time to Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight.”  My bird at the time was the reigning Montgomery County Queen winner, who by default, had to be there.  She ended up sleeping with a minor league baseball coach from Springfield, IL that summer and told me weeks after the county fair I drove 4 hours to attend.  We didn’t last beyond school starting up again but luckily, “Wonderful Tonight” was still very wonderful.  She has been divorced 3 times since.  ”Southern girls got nothing to lose,” Sheila wakes to sing to us from the backseat while I recount my time in Farmersville with the guys, heading to the finest early lunch joint in town, Subway.

Farmersville, IL

After enjoying Farmersville, IL’s finest sandwich and chips shop, a foot-long Italian sub with Doritoes, we make the trek to Springfield, IL, the state’s capital.  This is our first trip to what we find out by locals downtown is “the first capital city that had a house the governor didn’t live in.” No matter where you go in Illinois, there appears to be a feeling that none of us belong where we’re at.  Some blame Rod Blagojevich, others blame ‘Maw & Paws egg-anne-sparm.’

Springfield appears at first to be a fine, functioning, city with a surviving downtown, supported by government employees and independent businesses, but it is just another city abused by federal government, often controlled by Chicago styled politics.  The streets are as bad as Rockford, IL’s.  (Large unexplained potholes and half foot like cracks in the streets everywhere.)   The recession & an ex-governor’s trail of questionable legislation seems to have affected the Springfield’s 120K population’s psyche more so than the overall unemployment rate, which is much lower than a larger city near Chicago, like Rockford;  8.2% vs. the generous reported rate of 14.8%.  Being this is our first trip to the nation’s capital we decide to focus on new experiences since it appears the downtown is a pretty busy place unlike other downtowns left to hang in Illinois.

Roast Beef Horseshoe

This trip has goals besides enjoying the sounds and scents that only come from a place like Southern Illinois in the summer.  We’re here for our first “horseshoe” meal and a VIP visit to the State Fair.  The ‘horseshoe’ we find easily- they’re everywhere in Springfield, IL but word is, they’re not always authentic.  We find an a great menu at “Darcy’s” that serves many variations of “horseshoes.”  I enjoy a plate that is layered from the bottom up with texas toast, roast beef, fries piled on top and a delicious homemmade cheese sauce covering the whole thing.  Word is the buffalo chicken horseshoe that the other 3 ate was to die for.  The special cheese sauce came with part ranch dressing and part bleu cheese mixed in with something unknown on top of the texas toast and fries, and chicken.  Instant nap or heart attack- whichever your body can handle you will have to decide for yourself.

See the Llamas in Illinois

The first night in Springfield is spent getting drunk at an art show downtown conveniently located above a bar named “NorbAndy’s.”  We eventually move over to a local bar, “Brewhaus,” for an amazing beer list and free popcorn.  Earlier in the night we end up buying a $10 print of aliens destroying Chicago that is currently sitting on the dresser in the house of friends we crashed at.  We were the only bad vibes delivered from the northern IL area that night.

It’s so nice to go somewhere where no one knows who you are and you can get drunk and pretend your name is Jim, Rodger (Roger, or Radjhah) with fake accents that oppose or match the locals’ drawls and twangs.  Reggie decides he’s going to be an asian ad firm owning mob boss named Mister Meerasaki.  We laugh, Reggie is obviously not Asian, nor does he own an ad firm.  So we drink, eat free popcorn, enjoy a late night meal at “La Bambas” and pass out.  Springfield is heaven on Earth!

Winner

Day two in Springfield, IL is the highlight of the year as well as the peak- conclusion to our Southern IL Summer Vacation, 2010.  The four of us take it easy til early afternoon nursing a hangover and prepping our first State Fair visit.  After all the phones were charged and batteries loaded into our cameras, we hit the State Fair grounds. There’s lots of walking to begin and many people do look at you as if you are from another planet.  Eventually when you find the hot spots (food stands & barn stalls), you’ll notice nothing but children screaming or begging for attention in all directions from their parents to go on rides, milk a cow, play a game, eat ice cream.  Springfield may be heaven so far but the Illinois State Fair is hell.  I felt like I belonged there with the animals, caged or tied in their stalls, facing directions opposite that of the humans staring at them. My northern accent felt alone next to everyone else’s.  My friends tend to blend in easier, speaking with their fake accents for kicks.  I felt horrible for the animals, I hope they felt bad for me.

Another cheap labor tactic found at the fair.

We lived our whole year for this Summer Vacation moment, the Illinois State Fair.  It surpassed any premeditated visions or assumptions I may have made about what it could be like at the State Fair amongst the state of Illinois’s finest humans and animals in one spot.  Words can not do justice for what we saw and what we ate.  The food was amazing… the animals were depressed… and the humans there were were out of this world.   Few pictures survived because Sheila lost her camera, Ray lost his wallet and Reggie lost his mind.

Neither of us made more than a few words worth remembering on our drive home to Rockford, IL, until Reggie, gazing out the window towards a field of wind powered turbines, quietly muttered, “This must be what it feels like to be a Rockford Refugee.”

Southern Illinois, thank you, we will see you again next summer.

aW  |  andywhorehall.com

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Sock Monkey Sound

Xen schooling the SMS Crew on Rhymes

Find Xen at:
xenmusic.bandcamp.com
myspace.com/xenmc2
twitter.com/xen826

sockmonkeysound.com
Hotline:815-315-9552

http://www.facebook.com/rockfordfestaitaliana

Sock Monkey Sound

By Andrew Whorehall

Operation Rockford Fail:  A sexy, blond highlighted, orange skinned boy from Naperville, IL, win’s Fox39′s, “Rockford Star” contest before a hot, screaming, Market Day Crowd.  The contest is a Midwest preliminary for the amazing TV show, “American Idle.”  The winner, Clayton Heinrich, is from Naperville, not Rockford.  Whatever, it’s funny either way.  Good job, Fox39.  Thanks for the article.

Clayton, from Naperville, wins "Rockford Star" & performs "Hallelujah" {Photo by Ben Woloszyn, @ www.rrstar.com}

The kicker was this: The crowd, FOX39 endorsed winner, performed Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah,” to a very happy crowd of American Idle fans as his encore performance. The Milky Market Day crowd was glazed over with tears of joy and shiny bright, white smiles.

“Rockford Star” contest aside, the Market Day event in downtown Rockford, was wonderful.  I ate a hometown cupcake by CAKED, absolutely delicious, drank a hometown Carlyle brew, the Irish Stout- amazing, and ordered 3 wood-ovened pizzas to go by an unknown family business that has no business location- yet.  PLEASE start a business, the pizza I brought home was great.  Not better than downtown’s long established, Capri, but great.

While waiting for the pizza, I stood in awe of Naperville boy’s performance of “Hallelujah.” Something terrible happened overnight in my sleep. It has ruined my appreciation for the song, now, 19 hours later.  I woke up today and tried listening to John Cale’s version (the destruction of the soul version as I call it, see below), Jeff Buckley’s… even Rufus Wainwright.  Scarred.  It’s going to take some time.

I vented my complaints about this performance (along with the ironic fact the boy was from Naperville, not Rockford) on the popular social media outlet, Facebook. Or as I’ve resorted to calling it amongst people who really get my sense of humor; Tardbook, MrMurasakisbook, Titanpridebook, Americasbook, Assbook, Phishfansbook, Noonereadsanymorebook… the list goes on.

It spurred some good questions and comments by some of my favorite people.  A friend from one of my favorite local pubs and eateries, The Olympic Tavern- a family owned, Rockford establishment for 65 years, pointed out;  “NO mention of Cheap Trick anywhere.” The RRStar’s famed journalist, Geo, a HUGE Cheap Trick fan (17 related articles she’s posted on the Tricksters at RrStar since last Oct. 7th, 2009), failed to mention anything about our beloved hometown musical heroes while covering “Rockford Star.” She’s always known for covering the Trickster tid bits so this was strange to see, read. I learned this boy with the nice highlighted hair and altar boy voice was from Naperville, IL- not Rockford.  Good job, Fox39, Rockford, the milky-faced crowd with their slimy smiles and sweaty brows cheered him onto victory.

Click here for yesterday’s proof of the “Rockford Star” coverage by RRStar and Geo.

There was a comment posed by an ex-patriot Rockfordian, now Arizonian, resident who asked:  “I almost want to hear this rendition to see how it went. There are a couple versions people did on YouTube that were pretty good, but Buckley’s version? Man I don’t know if that one will ever be surpassed.” I agree, why even attempt something that’s been destroyed by John Cale and Jeff Buckley? I’d argue their versions are far better than Cohen’s original; but neither of theirs would exist without Leonard Cohen’s. Hmm. so I thought about it more.

And I started thinking about why Clayton’s version works the best for Rockford, America, white people. It was the sound of his performance, the delivery, almost mocking Buckley’s version without trying…. hmm, what was it about this version I can’t stand? I’ve been sitting on it all day, it’s affected my creative work process (I do have billable work to do too) so  horribly I can’t find the right Saturday afternoon soundtrack to work to.

Let’s try to describe how this version of “Hallelujah” sounded and appeared to me, standing there, waiting for my 3 pizzas.

1. Find a business that calls itself a church- if you’re in AZ, wander into the desert, find a Rockford Metro Centre or Peoria Civic Center looking venue with a disturbing metal white Cross, or a nice Logo.  We have one here with a stroked 1pt to 3pt. lined box around an,”h.” The letter “h.” Design wise, it’s a great logo- Rockford LOVES it. Now, park your car away from the cross near the quickest assumed exit. Go inside.

2. Wait for a spiritual service to begin, buy some coffee, maybe purchase a book and a CD too. I opt for bumper stickers and gawking at the hot, born again 28 year olds that used to party hard when they were 16-26.  I like to prove my capitalist allegiance to the Lord’s people on my car while driving with a bumper sticker. It’s an Illinois thing, maybe you can start a trend in AZ or other states need be?

3. So wait, just wait for the band to start playing…. wait, sit through the lecture performance, look over the crowd, beautiful women everywhere. A spiritual lesson of sorts.  Some of these performances & lectures by those that call themselves ‘ministers’ or ‘priests’ include long-winded reasons to NOT see that movie Tom Hanks was in, “DaVinci Code.” My favorite visit to a fake church for laughs was the one I was dragged to for political research before the 2004 election– to physically see how the Republican party was funding video advertisements endorsing President Cheney and his pal, George Bush Jr’s, anti-abortion stance through video advertisements filtered through Evangelical churches preaching about family morals and anti-abortion laws.  Yawn.  SO SUBLIMINAL and creepy.  Somehow it worked, another 4 years were rewarded to President Cheney.  What a dumb country.  (Bush’s campaign = smart but creepy.  Get the dumb, white, christian people to vote based on abortion laws and the war on their own emotions- FEAR OF TERROR.  There will be laughs for decades, major thank yous to christian elephants, FOX television, Florida and Ohio.)

My Chemical Romance, or exactly what fake coffee-serving church band members look like for example.

4. Now, sometime before your next bowel movement and after the spiritual performance/lecture thing that causes people to stand and cheer and praise stuff, there’ s a good chance one of the band members- the best looking one who also could be a member of My Chemical Romance or AFI (or any sh*tty emo glam band) will step out to sing, like on American Idle, with an acoustic guitar, all sensitive and fake, white, R&B like.

5. At this point you will imagine “Halleluah” as it was originally written by Cohen as you prefer it performed, perfected versions by Buckley and Cale.

6. Grab your wife, galpal, coffee, book, cd, whatever, briskly walk-jog to your car. Drive home.  Now try to forget what just happened, get some sleep.

Does that help you imagine what I saw and listened to? I wonder if she, Geo (The RRStar journalist) or the crowd was even aware that Clayton was singing a Leonard Cohen original. A masterpiece with regards to modern day classical pop songwriting having been covered by so many respectable artists. I awoke from a night’s nap and thought further; HOW DARE YOU COVER this song if you can’t deliver it’s age and wisdom properly.

Clayton, how dare you?

FOX39, how dare you allow him to perform this traditional pop masterpiece to a crowd of salivating humans without cutting the mic off?  I AM SCARRED.

Now, after wasting your time,  here’s what it really looked and sounded liked.

I feel bad for Clayton, I have to point this fact out second to lastly– this is not about you, son. I honor and respect your ability to get up and perform alone before a predominantly jaded Rockford, IL crowd on a hot, sweaty, beautiful day. You did what you came to do from Naperville, to win. Hi five, you couldn’t pay me to perform in front of a majority, white, Rockford, sweaty or snobby crowd. You could pay me and then feed me afterwards to throw market day vegetables at the crowd (no problems there).

Also, this is not about the Market Day Event- it was great. If the point was overlooked, this is about irony, my hometown and a few other disturbing facts: Fake Churches, Arizona dreams, Facebook, Evangelical Republicans with business agendas using anti-abortion as a foil for votes- successfully (and disturbingly) I’ll add. Bottom line fact;  You made a “Rockford Star” out of a Naperville boy. Good job Fox 39, operation fail.

Now, sit back, listen, watch this if you need to, I can’t anymore. Then, damn the Mississippi River for being so inviting, so cruel.

dD  | andywhorehall.com

Sock Monkey Sound

The Pimps

The Pimps |  Part I:  A CD review of 2010′s “F*ck This Sh*t, We’re Outta Here” by The Pimps… disguised as a letter to the Rockford Register Star and other pathetic media outlets for dropping the ball for so long.

By Andrew Whorehall

The Pimps "Oh those Bilderbergs…" Free MP3 Single

“Oh those Bilderbergs and their kooky culling plans.”

“Dear People of Rockford & to the few, powerfully, negligent, local media outlets–  specifically the Rockford Register Star, The Pimps, should be cited as much as Cheap Trick- if not more.

I’m not implying you’ve ignored them for not recording a hit cover song like “The Flame” or an original like “Surrender.”  I am assuming they’re too non-tradtionally smart, volatile and explosive for your cultural, musical tastes.  With all the worries you have at the RRStar for censorship, stories from the wire, writers with no names, those large colorful digital pictures- it’s no wonder when ‘Freedom of Speech’ is doubted now a days.  See The NYTimes for many examples but I won’t look too far, I stay local and read between the lines.  Your hard edits are very visible to these eyes.  Could you be any more obvious?

I ask that you honor & respect The Pimps for poetically naming their new record as it is named.  For that alone, local honor is past due.

'F*ck this sh*t we're outta here." by The Pimps

The record’s title, “F*ck This Sh*t, We’re Outta here,” is demographically poignant too. Add “Rockford, IL” to the end of their title line and you have one of the more successful city taglines forming one, classy, bumper sticker with a matching T-Shirt.  Said record of said title above is a gun-shot-blasted-love-letter-like-loaded-bullet written & made in our once great, industrial city.  Filled with American goodies and menacing spirits;  capitalism, weapons, partying, defeat,’FTSWOH’ is one of the midwest’s finest, punk, American recordings to come out of Rockford, IL- ever.  It’s a loud, proud, middle finger to the establishment from an economic wasteland that doubles as ground zero for dead end dreams and empty, once colorful, balloons– this is the Rockford, IL you should be reporting with urgency and explosiveness.

Face it RRStar. Your articles are cupcakes generally filled with air. Cupcakes are best eaten, not read. That’s this writer’s opinion, not Sock Monkey Sound’s, leave them out of it.  Fortunately they believe in Freedom Of Speech too as long as no one gets hurt. Generally that seems like a pretty easy social rule to follow. I know I’m not alone. Get to know the people who do think for themselves, the people that are closer to the ground than the moon. The truth is down here in the river filth and the industrial aftermath. Have you read your own Classified Jobs section?

A serious question disguised as a joke was just posed to me by two people on separate occasions, neither the med student or the professional knows each other.  The question turned joke was, “Did THE ONION buy the RRstar out?”

Where is this going?

Please don’t change a thing, just do what you can, to talk about the bands you ignore once in awhile.  It helps the artists and the community know a bit more about a proud, defeated hometown that has wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much talent drowning here.  You’re not helping as much as you could be, RRStar.

Why does this concern The Pimps?  This is their most cohesive album to date and possibly their last.  Either way, people ‘not’ from Rockford, IL, should know more about this band too.  This is where you have failed dear city and media of mine for years already by not assisting in a little PR when you had your chance.  WZOK, your mallhair is wearing and sounding a bit too thin.  WXRX, eat a d*ck sandwich for sucking so hard for so long.  RRStar, change your name to, ‘The Onion Jr.’

To all the media outlets in and around Rockford, IL, you’re no different than the major label that cut The Pimps from their budget in 99, trying to blindly leave them behind.  Well, no thanks to you, Rockford, IL, they’ve managed to run a decent hardworking, punk operation anyway for 16 years.  Another job well done.  This is for Sock Monkey Sound and for The Pimps. I salute you.  To the city of Rockford and to the RRStar plus other regional media outlets, iFinger you, wholeheartedly.

Regards,

Andrew Whorehall

PS:  Let me state a point that may have gone missing above (as this letter may be a bit passive, fueled by years of ‘dead air’ readings of the RRStar, and just maybe a little misdirected);  one of the best kept rock n’ roll secrets is Rockford, IL’s punk scene.  How is it that such a fertile ground for amazing musical talent keeps to itself without the industry (what remains of it) blowing its cover?  Easy.  Musicians, bands, songwriters from the midwest have a great knack for shooting themselves in the foot.  Whether it’s done ironically or because it’s our Gah Damn a’Merican right to do it, we’ve some how managed to do it better than most scenes.  It’s a pride thing, I guess.  All of this great music has been boiling over for a long time.  Call it a typical midwestern burden to bear but I’m calling it a joke that’s ran out of laughs.  This self-deprecating attitude is for math rockers and progressive jazz musicians high on country folk abnormalities.  1)  God knows math is not the people of Rockford’s specialty and 2) progressive-jazz-country-folk is for as*holes. You’re welcome.

"To a cool person, stay that way." by The Pimps

Unlike other successful, touring, midwestern bands who were ashamed to call Rockford, IL, their home young in their careers in the 70s and 80s (um, Cheap Trick/Chicago, IL), The Pimps, embraced their roots from the get go often citing Loves Park and Machesney Park as their home-base before settling on the always marketable city name, “Rockford, IL.”  It actually worked for them somehow.  Signing a major label deal in 1999 saw the re-release of their self-made debut record, “To a Cool Person, Stay that Way.”  A punk-funk rock record that was made in Loves Park, IL, at the old Noise Chamber Studios in 1996 and 1997.   The band has been together since 1994 but their roots as friends go much deeper together.  Tony (Bass) & Stu (Vocal/Guitar) have been best friends since they left their mothers respectable wombs.  It starts there. The Pimps are a family of brothers as much as they are a band of musicians.

"More Songs About Drugs With Curse Words" by The Pimps

A well-scripted situation occurred soon after signing with a major label.  About the same time The Pimps were told to change the name of their follow up record the industry was changing, cutting budgets and cutting artists.  ”More Songs About Drugs With Curse Words,”  was made by the same local team (Jimmy Johnson / Noise Chamber) in Rockford instead of agreeing to the label’s L.A. production request.  15 months into a contract, having been featured on the “Mission:  Impossible” soundtrack and various TV song plugs, The Pimps decided they wouldn’t change their record title after one of their label’s parent company reps, Disney, got whiff of it and made a request– and so went The Pimps, another budget cut.

For the better, they worked themselves out of it in control of their career with nothing lost and everything to gain. They already established themselves as a great, touring band with subtle business sensibilities.  The Pimps, to this day, actually still sell merch at every show and get from town to town in a van with equipment towing the rear. The way bands used to- or could simply afford to.  They’ll tell you first hand, ‘it’s not glamourous, gas prices have gone up- blah blah’ but their van is so much smarter than your band’s f*cking van.

The Pimps' also known as the country punk band, 'Sons of Many Bitches'

As the whole industry took a dump and blamed downloaders in the last decade, a band like The Pimps kept movin on to their own beat. They’ve self-released 9 full length records, they sell their own singles online, pay for their own merch production,  pay for their records production- and they tour playing dives 150 nights a year or more.  Many years ago, they (like this writer as well) figured out how to take care of themselves in an economically depressed city called, Rockford, IL.  Some of their last decade’s releases are hit or miss.  Great recorded live moments exploded with color on their alter-ego (Sons of Many Bitches) country punk band’s release, “Outlaw Gold MotherF*cker” and it’s companion EP, “Apparently Uninterested in a Life of Creative Growth or Social Relevance.”  At the same time they released, “Quickly Now Gentlemen, With a Lively Step.”

"Quickly now Gentlemen, with a lively step." by The Pimps

Working, recording, teaching instrument lessons, touring and earning their right to be as lazy when they want to be while we sit at computers in a lame working environment between 8am to 7pm fulfilling someone’s leftover ideas & rules to follow about the American Dream and making money.  What a farce.  The Pimps, repeatedly, make me feel like a sucker everytime I tuck ina shirt and put on khakis.  Why?  Khakis are for church, funerals or even worse, weddings.  Those recent recorded releases sit together as key discography door openers to what happened next in the studio for The Pimps.

“F*ck This Sh*t, We’re Outta Here,” or as I’ll type it for the rest of the article will be referred to as,  FTSWOH.  Not for censorship reasons;  but for typing alone, early arthritis-enabling concerns are on the mind.  This f*ckˆng wrist is killin’ me between writing about music, playing music while designing for other musicians and clients who wear khakis.  Let’s not forget the precious times I have with myself too; lighting a candle, body oil, me on me for hours on end trying to listen to Sáde, slow deep breaths… dogs barking, lawn mowers buzzing.  Nothing kills the mood more like white people in America making domestic noises while their mistrained dogs bark uncomfortably allllll day when you’re trying to get a little love on yourself in the daytime.  Gals are cool too for these kinds of moments, but at some point it does become a financial investment that’s guaranteed to lose more than gain.  Whatever, we’re all gonna lose, mother nature, she or cancer has the cards that read that one line I’ve ripped off from Bob Dylan in his f-you masterpiece of a song, “Desolation Row.” Over and over I recite that line.  Anyway.

Let’s define a band?  Men, once kids, who set out on a mission together as friends & musicians, making mistakes together and enjoying success together.  Another simple us vs. them, old school, rock n’ roll rule… where did that rock n’ roll business sensibility go to?  Did MTV, American Idol, destroy it?  Seems like it, just “blame downloaders.”  The Pimps are five great musicians tied together by some strange brotherly thing you only hear in guys that stay together for a very long time. It’s unheard of now-a-days. Watching them perform live is one of is one of the midwest’s great punk thrills.  They work harder than any local politician, aldermen, etc., when they perform out their perfect, collective craft.  They are truly one of Rockford, IL’s finest artist ensembles to watch live.  They’ll have you questioning yourself;  ”Is this punk?  Is this country?  Is this just rock n’ roll?  Or is this comedy?” Playing music for a living is hard work, it’s supposed to be funny too, yes.  Otherwise, go put on your khakis and tuck in your Target shirt, paint on that perfect smile and die one day.  Sounds like fun.

Stu, Tony, Todd, Hilly and Dave.  Hell, throw road manager G.T.in there.  G.T. is to The Pimps as Albert Grossman was to Dylan, calling the shots most of the time on when, where, how but mainly he’s their friend too.  Albert wasn’t really Bob’s friend, he was a great, Jewish businessman with a monetary agenda that drove Dylan’s musical agenda.  Add different times, different clothes obviously.  To be able to call out the guys’ names like John, Paul, George & Ringo is unheard of now.  Think about it.  Ryan Adams dumped Whiskeytown– whoever they were (Cary Caitlin and Phil Whateversher) and the midwest’s own recent major signing, Cory Chisel, does as he wishes with or without the original Wandering Sons.  It’s just how it is now a days.  Labels can’t quite act like large greedy banks anymore.

The business of music is as suicidal as it’s ever been.  The industry cares about the songwriter in most contractual cases, how does he look first, then, how does he sound?  IS the band good looking too?  IF not, haircuts?  This is one of many selfish, liable contracted reasons why labels ruined their own sales in the 2000s, not downloaders.  Labels used to be known as an artist’s bank.  Now, where I come from? We all know artists can barely pay for a sandwich let alone the 1 million dollars they’re expected to owe back after distribution and touring slots opening for some sh*tty band like Seven Mary 3.  It’s a self-made, self-imploding, a’Merican influenced, capitalist joke of a system set up to steal or fail at some point.  Every artist gets cut at some point.  Even the great ones.  Think about every great label, their heyday, the great records, artists they released… seems like Sony or Time Warner owns everything and every contracted artist in some way, shape or form ends up owned by these 2 conglomerate media monsters… suckers or survivors?

Well, not The Pimps, for better or worse they don’t seem to care where they fit in.

"FTSWOH" by The Pimps

The road alone has taken them to this;  their 2010 release “F*ck This Sh*t, We’re Outta Here,” is a local gem of a production I’m proud to call my hometown’s own.  Not just as an artistic statement but as a pro-Freedom of Speech, American statement.  It’s an explosive, ‘go f*ck yourself and the establishment you represent,’ guitar rock, punk record with honest, lyrical sentiments dressed up in swear words.  The record bursts with great production and tones courtesy of Mark Gustafson (Recording / Engineering), Ed Dulian (Mixing) and Justin Perkins (Mastering) bringing out the aggressive tight performances that have always been known for.  They’ve never sounded this catchy either.

It’s a manipulative listening experience; smart pop-punk songs about capitalism, the music industry, working hard, partying hard, remaining relevant in a cruel world, accepting defeat, doubting victory, sharing the successes or pleasures we all seek, right and wrong. If Tom Waits’ hooked up with the Arctic Monkeys for a weekend binge, well, this is what happens when you get Tom going 130 miles an hour trapped in a Rockford, IL garage.  I’m on to you Stu Johnson;  excessively long song titles and an impressive record collection can’t fool everyone.

Influences run deep on FTSWOH, american desert blues and british garage rock trade rhythm and licks between “A Good Mechanic is Hard to Find” and “These Are The Things, I Know, I Know.” Don’t be ashamed to slam dance in your own kitchen. By the time you get to “Now Michael, it’s just T.V.” you’re ready for an ice cold beer and a foot stompin horse gallop through the house to the front door, lock it.  Now, gals, guys, grab your man or woman or whatever you prefer– this record is it, the perfect accidental aphrodisiac.  Wear a contraceptive, please. FTSWOH gets down and dirty right away, no time to waste, the sun is goin, goin, gone, get movin, try that one thing upside down. Smiles for everyone– including the neighbors and the friends stopping by your house you won’t hear knocking for minutes on end.  This is a fun, explosive, intelligent rock record worthy of many repeated, satisfying listens.

“Oh Those Bilderbergs & Their Kooky Culling Plan” is one of the catchiest a’Merican folk-rock POP songs you’ll hear this year with the worst song title.  Some glorious, fuzz guitar leads dance around Todd’s congo drums.  Normally this is a recipe for pop song failure or an easy way to contract a musical disease called, Don Henley-itis , but the song is some sorta punk-folk-rock-blues a’Mmmmerican magic. ‘Bilderberg’s…‘ may be Stu’s finest documentation as a quick witted, lyricist with something more to say when the reverb is turned down and the crowd goes away;

“If it’s their job to break our hearts,
they’re payed quite well.
Well, I’m not impressed I must remark.
If I had to guess how it all unraveled and came apart?
Well, It’s their job to break our hearts.”

Again.

Dear Rockford Register Star and to other media outlets from this strange place and beyond, please open your ears to one, loud, manic, swan song of a punk-pop record made by one of the Midwest’s great, independent, American, veteran, punk acts.  There’s 2 cover art versions, same songs, however; I prefer the one with the bearded American man eating the large dong sandwich on the cover.

Try to sit still and listen, you’ll possibly fail as you find yourself wondering when one song ends and the other begins. The rewards lay within pausing to replay and sing along with a laugh;  ”I.M. ‘Merica” or handclap your fists off with, “Gun says,’Yes’.”  Again, to repeat myself, the tones, the guitars, the pace, Mark Gustafson (Recording / Engineering) and Ed Dulian (Mixing) should be proud of their tag team effort.  FTSHOH breezes by so quick you’ll forget where your head is at by the time the last song hits– the title song.  It’s a toast to Rockford, the Midwest, hardwork, broken dreams, accepting defeat and sharing successes while singing about it with your friends one last time, moving on and out.  As 33 minutes end, ‘FTSWOH’ is an ultimate toast to themselves and to the hard work they’ve completed as a band of musicians, friends, brothers, family and to the cross roads they’re now at, personally and artistically.

[quote]F*ck this sh*t, we’re outta here.”  Or not.[/quote]

dD | AW

____________________

The band authorized a free download of one MP3 song to share from their newest record, “Fuck This Shit We’re Outta Here.” Click here to download:

“Oh those Bilderbergs and their kooky culling plans.”

Sock Monkey Sound

By Andrew Whorehall & Josh Watson
(Intro / Outro by dD for Sock Monkey Sound dot com.}

Josh Watson invades Chuck E. Cheese

I was approached by friend & musician, Daniel McMahon, to interview Mr. Josh Watson.  The idea was propositioned by Dan after Josh and he had traded off nasty guitar licks at an after hours party that the future local chain restaurant, Brio, was throwing for people who love After-Hours Potato Martini Drinking Contests. The winner took home the empty Potato Martini glass.  Neither musician won.  Bottom line is this, I’m not sure who won and I’m not sure I care, because;  these two guys are two of the finest guitarists & musicians the midwest has to offer.   Both possessing a large luggage of performance skills, experience, youth, character and punk rock attitude.

I don’t know Josh outside of seeing him in 4-5 different bands the past decade.  He loves cover bands and rightfully so, they’re bread butter winners around these forgotten zips.  His character speaks loud and to the point.  Every time I run into to him he looks me square in the face and says, “Gimme Nickleback, gimme fake tits brah” while raising his index and pinky fingers, others folded, and walking away.  It looks like this, imagine this is someone else’s hand in your face:

\m/

Josh lives rock n roll… so much so he scares me. I firmly believe he goes to the places in his mind that I & others go to alone to find. He doesn’t fool me though. We’ll get to that.

Out of creative fear I sent in my agent, Mr. Andrew Whorehall, to cover me with a list of questions and thoughts for Josh, to figure out Joshua Watson, hang with him for a bit and discuss some stuff… stuff n’ thangs. It was not something I could do without Mr. Whorehall. I believe Josh is fooling everyone around Rockford, IL, superior guitar skills while playing the cover band make a buck game to a T and knowing that at any moment if offered- he’s outta here for something better.

________________

On Tue, 6/8/10, Mr. Andrew Whorehall wrote:

From: Andrew Whorehall
Subject: Wattamess Watson: 21 Loaded Questions for Josh Watson.
To: imjoshwatson@yahoo.com
Date: Tuesday, June 8, 2010, 7:58 PM

Joshua,
it’s a pleasure, you’re the first local musician interview/conversation attempted for Sock Monkey I’ve been asked to partake in.  Let me put it to you like this;  You’re my virgin, I am your car, whatever happens here will not stay here, I will tell everyone about it, good and bad. Anything you say in return will not be edited to cover up the truth, use your words wisely- especially if you just got dumped or drunk.  Anything I say will be edited. With that being said, I will correct some of your written grammar if needed without changing your voice, your slang, your acronyms, your spirit.  Let it rip, Josh, here we go.

Andrew Whorehall {AW}: I’ve seen you play in many bands and you always stick out.  Be it on the guitar, the mic or casually prowling behind and in front of others- tell me a bit about your background, where you grew up, your parents influence, did they push you or stray you from music?  Did you ever tell them something you regret but never had a chance to apologize for, this is the place, tell me and I’ll share it with everyone so we forgive you for them publicly.

Joshua Watson {Josh}: I grew up on the west side of Rockford, IL and I still live on the west side today. As long as I live in this town I’ll never leave the west side. I did live in Princeton, IL for one year of my life in 1987.  My dad took a job down there and I f*cking hated it. I was so glad to come back to my friends here.  I wouldn’t say my parents pushed music on me. They bought me a sh*itty little muppets “drumset” when I was 2. Then the following 2 years they upgraded me to something better each Christmas.  So, yeah, I started out as a drummer.  Actually, I didn’t even start playing guitar til I was about 9 and it happened to be that year I lived in Princeton so I guess something good came from living in that town for a year.

Naw, I’ve never told my parents anything I’ve regretted. My parents are amazing.

AW: Funny how the Muppets marked your musical life somehow as it marked mine when the Ps bought me the “The Muppet Movie Soundtrack” record.  This is loaded, one thing I’ve noticed from a distance (facebook stalking) is that you have a great work ethic.  Many people around these sh*tty zip codes assume you party hard all the time, a man about town– you don’t fool me though, you work hard and I know it, a hunch.  How many jobs are you currently holding down and are you finding it a bit more difficult to balance all the responsibilities it takes to pay bills and commit to playing in so many bands?

Josh: I don’t party all the time.  I know that’s difficult to believe. I save that for Friday and Saturday.  I may, once in a while, do a bottle of wine or a 6 pack of Bud Heavys after UPS one night, but not so often.  The 2 jobs I work are actually fairly easy.  Guzzardo’s I love. Its great to sit around and talk about music and gear with people all day. UPS on the other hand, it’s run its course.  The pay and free benefits are a bonus though.  There is just so much bullsh*t you hafta deal with there.  I actually play in all these bands to help with the bills and drinking money.  My work schedule is Sunday thru Thursday so I never have a difficult time playing a gig– unless of course Stu Johnson decides the Sons of Many Bitches (the country-punk rock alter-ego of veteran midwesterners, The Pimps) needs to do a Wednesday night at Krypto.

AW: Jobs with benefits are rarities around here, at least you know that’s why you’re still doing it.   It’s a hard trade off man, I get  it, your time for benefits and how much is your time really worth when it’s run it’s course and you have so many other positive skills to offer given the right time and opportunity?  I believe it’s all about demographics, Josh, we’ll come back to that later.  Movin on- how many of your Facebook friends are really your friends? Do you ever feel the need to delete them for kicks?  What are your thoughts on using a scrabble bag of letters to randomly delete people from your facebook profile?

Josh: I can actually say a lot of them are my friends. I can’t give you a specific number.  There are many people on my friends list I have lotsa love for. I never delete people.  I usually will just hide them, but the scrabble thing is kinda a good idea so maybe I’ll start deleting some folks just to try it.

AW: You should, I do it all the time and more often than not it’s just good to remind yourself that Facebook means nothing outside of being a marketing tool that destroys our own lives along with many others if you know how to tag people properly in uncomfortable pictures.  I use it to destroy anything good about my other personality.  The internet is just one big free advertising orgy. Use your firewalls and change your name because Big Brother is using all of your personal data to monopolize ad dollars.  They’ll tell you it’s for national security but that’s a lie too.  Your friends will understand if you accidently delete them regardless.

Do you ever feel the urge to quit playing music altogether? Moments of frustration you know?  Some musicians say it hits when they show up 3 hours away for a gig and 4 people are there, then it happens again, and the frustration grows.   How do you, as a musician and a tax-paying American, balance the dream and reality?

Josh: I’ll never stop playing music, it’s the one thing I’m some what good at. It’s my life.  Even now that I’m in cover bands, I’m not ruling out never doing an original thing again.  I think the Sons should start writing more and doing more of our own material. I would love to write with Stu and Tony. I would love to quit my jobs and do the damn thing.   I could.  I don’t really have any bills, a wife or kids.  If someone had the life to make the dream into a reality it would be me.  It’s just a lot easier said than done.  The only moments of frustration I’ve had playing was when i was in an original band and the above things you mention would happen more often than not.  It gets old.  Also when you have band members whose hearts aren’t into as much as yours?  That’s also frustrating.

AW: Wives and babies change everything, Josh.  I’ve been married 8 times, there’s so little time for one wife.  No kids luckily, my demon seed is fine, fortunately.  I just don’t see the benefit of having children in these tough times, especially because of personal demographics, until it’s legal to sell them on Ebay. Have you ever considered being a scientist or mayor of Rockford? Do you feel the latter is a bit more achievable than the former job career I mentioned if you stay in Rockford, IL?

Sons of Many Bitches (The Pimps)

Josh: When I’m drunk I like to believe I’m a scientist. I would like to run for mayor, but people would just think I was trying to rip Jesus off.  So I’ll prolly never run.  Maybe Alderman or County Board though.  My grandparents have been on both of those. “My Grandma is on the County Board!” is another one of my favorite quotes.  If I ever do run for county board I’d run on the promise that I’d change this ‘stupid strip club law.’   Really?   I gotta drive 45 minutes to see some g*d damn titties?  That’s bullsh*t!   My Grandma is on the board right now. I tell her all the time to do something about it.   Don’t think she’s gonna make it work for me.

AW: One of the most ridiculous problems holding back our local economy is the fact we, as law abiding hard working citizens, have to drive so far to see some beautiful skin.  It makes no sense.  I could not agree more because this is why I’ve been divorced 8 times.  Wives #5&6 were strippers, cousins, can you believe that luck, Josh?  Only in Rockford, IL.  Is there anywhere else in this world you want to play music and possibly feel less stress about making a living or having to drive farther to see what man & woman has earned the right to enjoy?

Josh: Austin, or in the Dallas area.  There’s a station down there called the Range outta Fort Worth. Great station all Americana type music. The guitar players all wanna be Keith and Ronnie.  I’d love it.  They play all a bunch of local cats and the station is all about them.

AW: Ahhhh, Ronnies…. they stole him from Rod and Ian, one of my favorite band, The Faces.  You know they had 2 great Ronnies?  Ronnie Wood and Ronnie Lane.  Check out Rod’s, “Never a Dull Moment.“ His finest post-Faces work because of Ronnie Wood, he co-wrote and played on many of those great British, folk-rock tunes.  Do you have any pets like, say a gold fish, dog, anything?  If you have a cat, skip the details, I don’t want to talk about cats.  If not why not?

Josh: I hate cats.  I think cats are only good for punting.  It’s probably because I tormented my Aunt’s cat as a child.  ‘Sugar’ was the cats name.  That thing fucking hated me.  I have a dog named ‘Otto.’  He’s one of my hero’s. He’s a husky/shepherd mix.  That f*cker has got it made too.

AW: Man, all dogs have it made.  I really believe dogs are more honorable than humans.   Have you ever asked fellow musicians for girl advice? Do you find their opinions to be bloated and hedonistic?   Since we’re on the subject, what do you think of squirrels and chefs?

Josh: One of my best friends of 25 years is a musician, so of course I’ve asked him for advice.  His opinions are NOT too bloated or hedionstic, there are plenty of musicians opinions whose are though– prolly including myself, ha.

Squirrels are just rats with a bushy tails. Have you’ve ever been to Canada?  The Squirrels are black up there.I love chefs. I’m fat, I love food.

AW: No, I’ve never been to Canada, I’m afraid I’ll love it.  I need to be somewhere I loathe to create.  You’ve perfected the art of playin’ in a cover band, the Stones, the Crowes coming up, have you ever considered your own band? I ask because you’re too good of a performer and guitarist to continue playing in bands with local indie has-beens– like Mark Muraski of Golden Rocket and Stu Johnson of Sarkoma. ; )

Josh: I’ve been writing my own stuff since 5th grade, I still do.  I was in an original band with the same guys for many years. We eventually became the Buddha Nuggs then the Van Dammits.  We recorded 2 cd’s and played a lot shows. It was fun but a lot of hard work.  Even more hard work when only half the band is really into it.  I’d love to do an original thing again, if I can find the right guys.  Actually Stu and Mark would prolly be 2 guys I’d wouldn’t mind being involved in an original project with.

Tony Crisman (The Pimps / Sons of Many Bitches) performs with Josh, right.

AW: Stu & Mark are great musicians, collaborators, much to learn from both those guys as well.  It’s too bad about The Van Dammits, Josh, good band.  Seems like a lotta good bands split when the work starts to pay off a  bit and larger opening slots get booked, etc.   I’ve never understood it from my perspective around these parts.  It’s as if we all want to secretly quit at everything that starts to go good to prove some sort of self-destructive point because at the end of the day when the work is done, we’re still living in Rockford, IL.  I’m under the assumption you’ve played with everyone.  Anyone locally you want to play in a band with you haven’t had a chance to yet? (NOTE:  You can’t say “Cheap Trick.”  I will not allow it because Geo Braun, journalist, from the Rockford Register Star has that band covered quite well.  She’s a groupie is my theory.)

Josh: Man I have played with a lot great musicians in this town. I haven’t really thought about it..  I’d really like to play with Steve Van Horn. He’s the man on Drums. We always talk about it when I’m drunk. lol, but it just has never happened yet.

AW: Steve’s a name I keep hearing in different circles as well, great drummer who hides that fact- thanks for blowing his cover. You own many things, on your Facebook page you state, “I pretty much own the tri-state area” I agree with reservation and it’s dependent on this next question:  Have you ever wanted to own a sitar? Prove me wrong, seems like a pretty pointless instrument, right? Snobs use it, dare to be different pop stars, would you agree? The Beatles were praised for using it, George Harrison with his foo foo beliefs and middle eastern flavors tried to ruin late 60s rock n’ roll wouldn’t you say?  Is this why you prefer the Stones over the Beatles?

Josh: I haven’t owned a sitar.  I wouldn’t say its a pointless instrument. We actually used to have an electric one at Guzzardo’s that I was gonna use to record a part on a Van Dammit’s song. It would have fit perfectly.  It never happened though.  I couldn’t tell you what the first song the Beatles used a sitar on but Brian Jones played one on Paint It Black and that came out in ’66.  I prefer the Stones to the Beatles because I love my rock n roll Loud, Live, sloppy, sexy, dirty; in your face, 3 chords, guitar weaving, driven– and the fab four just don’t do that for me. Great songwriters, musicians, huge influence.  Just not my cup of tea.

AW: Not my cup of tea either, too many songs about love and loving and feeling the love and needing the love, what a songwriting cop out for these ears.  I’m happy you mentioned Brian Jones, subconsciously I knew he was tied to the Sitar movement too but was blanketed by rock n’ roll tragedy.

I’ll take the Kinks over the Beatles and Stones, Stones easily trump Beatles in a runners up race.   Songs about common men, relationships damaged, not so perfect vocals but honest intentions, rock n’ roll for me is the Kinks.  Ray & Dave Davies’ smarmy songs never get old.  I want to meet the characters in their tunes, but the Beatles?  Yawn.  Eleanor Rigby?  She sounds like a log.  Fr. Mackenzie?  Who cares, the Fr. in McCartney’s tune doesn’t.  Rita, the meter maid?  Sounds like a girl trying to be a dude dressed in military clothes serving tea- cmon, that’s crazy.

Take McCartney, you can’t trust him as a writer, why?  The guy left his 2nd wife who has one leg- you don’t leave a wife with one leg, period. The Beatles?  Never rock n’ rolled after “Beatles For Sale.”   They lost the plot personally, roof top performances don’t count either, a marketing gimmick. That’s all the Beatles were in the end.  Positively speaking, they found it ‘artistically’ after 1965 on record, but that doesn’t mean they rock n’ rolled. (George Martin found it for them, artistically.)  Bottom line, there’s no great Beatles record without George Martin. The record they did with Phil Spector, “Let It Be” is trying, boring, a power battle between too many egos.  When it comes to their live reputation?  The Beatles are a spotty, British, bar band with nice mod clothes tailor made to put on for shows at their thespian best.

Soap box over, man, sorry.  Speaking of classic rock gods and performing,  as a child, did you ever say out loud to your parents about the other kids your age, “f*ck their He-Man dolls, I wanna shred some faces off brah”?

Josh: No way man.  I loved He-Man, GI Joes, Lego’s, Hot Wheels.  Actually when I was that young I was all about baseball. I thought for sure one day I was going to play for the Cubs.

AW: Thank god you never played for them! Lovably losing is not cool.  For many years I pretended I was Ryne Sandberg against Bruce Sutter of the Cardinals, 1984, when he hit those homers in the extra inning game.  That still marks my childhood memories.  Then I grew up  and realized the Cardinals represent winners, not lovable losers.  The Cubs are the picture perfect example of a business that takes from the poor to feed the rich.

Do you consider Oasis a classic rock band or not?  What are your thoughts on the brothers’ Gallgher? Choose your words wisely, they did tour with the Robinson brothers (Black Crowes) which I hear you consider the inheritors to the Stones’ mantle.

Josh: I like Oasis especially their first 2 albums.  I saw them opening night at the then Rosemont Horizon right after ‘Whats the Story’ came out.  Noel was singing.  They wrote some good catchy tunes.  The Gallagher Bros are a bunch of wankers though. A Bunch of f*cking sods.  I did catch them on the ‘Brotherly Love’ tour too with the Crowes with Liam singing, I thought they sounded much better. I consider Guns n Roses inheritors of the Stones mantle too. I’m talking Appetite GnR. To too bad Axl is such a stupid f*ck face. They probably coulda went on to do great things.

AW: Isn’t “Champagne Supernova” the ultimate show closer for any cover band though?  Would you ever name a band or your child, “Champagne Supernova”?  Please offer us some baby names to consider because many people in Rockford love making babies- do you?

Josh: If and when I ever have babies they will be named:
Trays On, Shots On and of course Drinks On.

AW: Triplets?! Loads! On your facebook info page you state you are a “Conservative” but you’ve also been caught many times saying, “Sit on My Face,” and “I own this God Damn town.” Many conservatives may not like your opinions or ability to ride the fence, how do you feel about Al Gore winning the election in 2000, getting robbed by the conservative movement with help from the Supreme Court?  Don’t you think 2000-2008 may have been a bit different without crazy conservatives in office?

Josh: I actually voted for Gore. I’m a moderate conservative. More fiscal conservative. I don’t give a flying f*ck what hardcore right-wingers think.  Same goes for the far left.  I tend to lean right.  Everyone I know is more liberal.  Used to make for some fun drunk debates.  Who knows if those 8 years woulda been different. Probably not.  Gore’s a f*cking douchebag.  All politicians are. I bet his wife left him because he lost though. Poor chap.  There’s something else the left can blame Bush about– haha, Gore’s marriage ending! I’ve lost interest in politics.  All they care about is money and getting re-elected.  F*ck em. I used to watch the cable news shows and get all fired up.  Now I just watch ESPN and Billy the Exterminator on A & E.

AW: Caring for American politics has become trivial.  I realized my vote really didn’t matter in 2000 after Gore was instructed to give up the argument, I adopted the notion that the wrestling sport I enjoyed as a child was just as real as politics and elections. On Saturday at 5:57am on Facebook you said:   “actually.. I dont even GIVE a F*CK!!!! I need to hang out on the east side! Im wasting my f*cking time” I occasionally go to Buffalo Wild Wings to escape my side of town or to the always amazing Old Chicago for Italian Nachos.  It’s so different than, say, hanging out with a potato martini and hot chicks in high heels at Brio, correct?  Occasionally I hit the Lung Fung for a Banana Pineapple Smoothie too, have you tried it yet?  Mossy Vaughn (The Heavils, Lizard Skynard) recently sent me to Chen’s for some delicious eats- have you tried them yet?  What’s your favorite local eats?  Which nationality makes the best food for Josh?  Please explain where you were wasting your time as well.

Josh: Haha thats just another great “I’m feeling sorry for myself moment.” I felt down on my luck because I was unable find any random chick to take home and spoon.  It happens sometimes.  I meant the east side, just to try and find some new chicks to hang out with.  In the words of Keith Richards “Sometimes you just need to change the backdrop!“ It might be easier over there. Haha, Chens is the jam man, I haven’t eaten there in a while. Lung Fung is amazing too haven’t tried the smoothie tho.  Asian Cuisine is hands down my favorite for good eats even tho i’ll just about eat anything you put in front of me.  Except fish, unless of course its between a chicks legs.

AW: Speaking of chicks and fish sticks sandwiches, you’ve played everywhere in Rockford, imagine you’re a tour guide now. Where are the hottest waitresses and bartenders with no personalities to meet if you’re a stranger passing through the Rock River Valley?

Josh: Who gives a shit about personality?  Show yo fawkin tits!

AW: Tshirt in production now, you get copyright.   Where are the nicest, maybe not so pretty ones with great personalities and good conversations? Nevermind, no one cares.  Back to really hot gals;  On June 3rd at 10:17pm you said, “hmm I dunno what it is but in the past few weeks I’ve seen more hot moms at guzzardos than the whole past 7 years Ive worked there.. word must be out that I know Ryan Moore.” WHO is Ryan Moore and why should every man know this man to know hot moms?  Have you ever tried Target? They have hot moms there too.

Josh: Ryan Moore is one of my best friends who prefers cougars.  He’s on the prowl for cougars– anywhere.

AW: Ryan sounds like a hero to all men and women too.   Ok Josh, I’ve gotten off track, I knew you were gonna be good game for this but I’m gonna get serious for the last two questions.  Your dad is a major inspiration, on May 29th at 2:29am you said on Facebook, “theres nothing better than drinking beer and listening to the stones at 2 am than with my old man.. greatest f*cking times ever!!” You do know how lucky you are, correct?  Not many of us men get to drink a beer and listen to the Stones til 2am with dad- that’s a pretty rare feat and I want to talk about your dad a bit being that Father’s Day is approaching. It seems he may have the greatest influence on you as a musician?  Yes?  No?  You guys ever punch each other in the arm for kicks?Seems like he’s a cool dad, how did he approach you about the birds and the bees as a kid? All my dad said to me was,  ”keep your zipper up.”  He was being very wise and I love him for that but you and I know hot ladies like BBQ fish sticks sandwiches, orange juice and loose zippers, correct?

Josh: Yeah man I’ve been dealt a great hand in life.  Great family, friends. Lotsa luck.  My pops is a big influence on me.  He plays guitar.  He taught me some of the basic things for playing guitar and I just kinda went from there.  He’s a huge Stones fan also.  Thats where I get it.  I’ll put money on it that there isn’t another Father/Son duo that has seen the Stones 40 times together across the Country. Matter of fact he drunk dialed me lastnite, he was watching some Stones on blu-ray and was like, “Man next time you come down here we’re gonna put this motherf*cker on!  Keith is on fire!”  He gave me “Exile On Main Street” on casette for Christmas in 1987 every since then I’ve played guitar. I knew right then and there, “ok I’m a guitar player now.”  I don’t think we’ve ever punched eachother in the arm, ha. F*ck, I think all he ever told me was to ‘wrap it up.’  We never really sat down and had “the” talk. Hot ladies do LOVE fish sandwiches and loose zippers!

AW: YES, they do!  And orange juice!  OJ and ribs too!   Alright Josh, name off 10 songs you can’t live without for one reason or another….. then name off 10 songs you play with all of your bands you can’t wait to play again and again.  Also, if you’d like to ask me a question, your turn, do it here and I’ll give ya what I got to conclude this piece.

Josh: Well you know the Stones have recorded over 400 songs so this might be hard to narrow down..
Wild Horses
Tumblin’ Dice
Beast Of Burden
Gimme Shelter
Jumpin’ Jack Flash
Memory Motel
Before They Make Me Run
Love In Vain
Moonlight Mile
Far Away Eyes — this will change tomorrow I’m sure

AW: Man, I love, love, love Far Away Eyes, for me– the finest Stones moment.

Josh: I love to play these songs:
Jumpin’ Jack Flash
Midnight Rambler
Wild Horses
Good Hearted Woman
Amos Moses
Sometimes Salvation
Thorn In My Pride
Descending
and if the Van Dammits ever do a reunion show.. Titties N Fiddies and No Shame
And now for you Mr. Whorehall.. Would you agree that “gimme Nickleback, gimme fake tits” is the greatest line Donkey Boy (USA), has ever written?

AW: dBUSA is one of my clients… I argued that line by the way, it’s too ironic.  Let’s be honest, Josh, it’s a… physically handicapped line.  It’s no different than the band it mocks, Nickelback, or the fake fun bags it pokes at.  Mainly it pokes at the people that support these items.  Americans love sh*tty music and hot chicks with fake tits.  Some days I consider myself an a’Merican male too, not today.  I’ve been feeling British of late.  I know it brings smiles for us but in some regards many people believe Nickleback and fake tits are good things.  They’re not.  They’re poison.  Planet Earth would be so much healthier minus those two.  It’s a part of America that scares the sh*t out of some of us.  Stu Johnson and the Pimps found something punk in it dBUSA didn’t find yet in the studio.   The song was a bit more political in nature with many references to Georgie Jr. and Oil fields before Stu and dBUSA rewrote half of via text messaging to be a touch more sexist, a’Merican- rather than political.   A smart move for rock n’ roll and entertainment’s sake.  Just a little middle finger is all it is.

The greatest line though? Hasn’t happened yet.  When it does, I’m writing a check in your name for that nasty country-rock guitar solo you knocked out for dBUSA’s/Pimps version of, “I.M. a’Merica.”  Cheers man, you got a drink on me next time we run into each other.

Best of luck and safe travels,
Mr. Andrew Whorehall

Josh recording during the Sons of Many Bitches debut record.

__________________________________________________________

So concludes Andrew Whorehall and Josh Watson’s email exhange.
Thanks for your time guys, especially Josh– I know you got two jobs and a gig somewhere to get to.
For Sock Monkey Sound and Dan McMahon,
I leave you, Josh, with ownership rights on this piece.

dD  |  andywhorehall.com

Sock Monkey Sound

Starring Randall Poffo  and Robert Zimmerman too.
{Performance art, conspiracies, wrestling, comedic methods & communication devices plus a mix tape playlist to consider before telling someone to F*ck off. Warning: This could get messy, chances are it will.}

by Andy Whorehall

Andy, Mike, Randy and Bob.

There are many ways to tell someone off.  There are many ways to get a point across without swearing.  The silent treatment works wonders, it really does, but does it really get the point across?  Music always seems to deliver the finest f-off messages known to man.  Wrestling, comedy, poems can send a message loud and clear too.

While most kids worshiped Han Solo, I preferred Boba Fett, an assassin who played both sides as perfectly as he could while letting actions speak for demands made of him.   He did as told but only upon payment.   Not much different than being an American in 2010, yes?  Boba Fett eventually suffered a pointless character death much so like his creator’s (George Lucas) film career– off the deep end and into the quicksands of time.  The string of late 1990s Star Wars films confirms what I felt as a child, no connection at all to George Lucas’s films, zero beginning and zero closure.  In some ways this was one of the loudest-yet-silent F-offs handed to an entire generation in favor of trying to please the masses through pop cultural methods; toys, value meals, underroos.

Enter a few taunting pop culture art forms, comedy and wrestling.   Each field led by true anti-artists whose legacies are proving to be far greater an artistic achievement than George Lucas’ film career;  Andy Kaufman and Randy Macho Man Savage.

Macho Man Randy Savage prepares to body slam the Lord's mom while Mean Gene & friends wonder WTF is goin on?

Sith Lord Kaufman

According to various rumors, Randall Macho Man Poffo has been banned from the WWF (WWE) for life.  A roman tragedy.  The juiciest rumor implies that Savage may have slept with wrestling mogul, Jim McMahon’s daughter, Stephanie, who was 18 at the time (and super muscular, just the way Randy likes them.). I’ve chosen to believe the report that he refused to merge his career in the direction Jim McMahon was going with business and cable TV plans.  He bailed on McMahon taking one of wrestling’s major endorser, Slim Jim, with him elsewhere.  McMahon’s enterprise returned the favor with a lifetime ban.   The latter is the truth, it killed the art of enjoying wrestling for performance art’s worth over enjoying football or other fake, scripted, American sports like the NBA for many people.

The NBA is a modern day version of the 1980s WWF, It has never survived the loss of it’s main, marketable, Roman Hero character, Air Jordan.  The NBA struck gold with Michael, he becoming the ultimate prima-donna-prototype for marketing an overpaid, egotistical, ball hog.  A champion on the court (as was scripted by the NBA) but his off court actions proves otherwise.  To error is human.   Horrible gambling habits (enough so that what he gambles would save a city from economic depression) that forced him to take an early retirement to, uh, play baseball for the same owner that ran the NBA team he played for. Hmm, coincidence?  No– character protection.  His divorce, which warranted a very quick settlement, was the most paid settlement in the history of divorce settlements at the time, 2006.   Juanita turns out smarter than Mike in business ventures.  (A note to very successful men, stay  away from strippers and the thousand dollar an hour escorts.)   I wouldn’t doubt his divorce is financially backed as well and has been paid and protected for by the NBA to protect it’s biggest marketable image. Call it a conspiracy but I wouldn’t put it past the NBA for investment and profit gain reasons alone remaining on Jordan’s image, legacy and the NBA’s growing mistrust from the public.  An early, quick retirement from the NBA were amidst gambling allegations that I still believe were forced down upon by the NBA to protect his on-court marketable image as many sports critics smarter than I believe as well.

"Air Head" by Andy Whorehall | Buy an archival print of this for around $5000.82 at http://rararararasaidthegrizzlybear.com

I just offered a pretty slimy set of assumptions but hiding the facts are not an uncommon practice for American, capitalist-like business models merged with athletics to pull off for profit and protection.  Face it, it’s best to be a fan of nothing sports related because advertising and marketing athletics is about as slimy as tag-team American capitalism gets– Real Estate and Banking are closing in so fast they’re rewriting the American Dream everyday, rich scumbags everywhere making fools out of you and me.  Liars everywhere, doubt every product, every sale, doubt every word including these.

Now, I’m not blaming Michael, let’s blame the NBA for making the character they made and portrayed for profit and protection.  After all, Jordan is anything but air, he is simply human as proven by his actions off the court.  What did he do again that was so great?  He put little orange balls through a metal red rim.  Big deal. A different kind of performance artist I’d rather not enjoy nor trust with my dollars and sense.

Andy Kaufman’s career, life, is the blueprint for perfecting performance art and placing trust in the buyer;  a believer in a limited abstract craft like Andy’s– to make people laugh and think simultaneously.  Living art. Kaufman possessed communication skills that blurred the line between reality and performance art, a true gift.  He regularly, like Bob Dylan, referred to himself as being a “song and dance man” instead of a comedian or entertainer.  His abstract ability to confuse yet humor, with no gray area, is a communication skill you understand or you don’t from a listening and viewing perspective.  Andy’s abstract comedic style was no less different than the great Randy Macho Man Savage’s wrestling persona too.  One phrase could define their parallel skills as being, “in your face.” Randy enjoyed talking too much to the camera and Andy enjoyed messing with the camera to get inside the heads of those on the other side of it, us.

Watch Macho Man sell the Slim Jim goods with an opening line that altogether mocks art and literature; “Art thou bored?” Some unlucky sap making 24k/year working in an ad firm probably wrote that line for him to which I offer, thank you– you’re brilliant but I hope you left advertising, it’s scummy.

I never quite understood the Star Wars thing as my school mates did but when Andy merged comedy with wrestling, it was unlike anything you’d beg your parents to take you to, to see on the big screen.  Excitement and comedic awe awaits every old Andy clip I can find.  So much so I’d rather watch old footage of Andy Kaufman than talk to another human being about how my or your day has been.  Here’s an example, Andy giving hygiene lessons to hillbillies after a wrestling match went bad in Memphis:

Seeing Andy wrestle on TV in the Southern league was free on Saturday and late Sunday morning airings with recaps on ABC sometimes.  People my age around me forget wrestling used to air from Midwestern high school gyms like Boylan H.S. in Rockford, IL, the middle of nowhere.  The arenas and cable TV fought for ad dollars, rights and larger venues eventually leaving markets like Rockford’s in the dark aside from a yearly visit to the Metro Centre for TNT Nitro events.   Wrestling over the course of the late 70s to the early 90s rose to squash specific hillbilly-like municipal markets with awesome, target-audience, precision.

Andy spent about 3 and a half years chasing his childhood dream after he decided being on TV’s hit show, “Taxi”, was below him and needed to offset that paying job with one that didn’t pay a dollar to entertain.

Sith Lord Andy takes a beating from a lady….

Jerry Lawler, Andy’s main nemesis in the Southern (Memphis) league, eventually confessed it was all a hoax they scripted 10 years after Andy’s rumored death from lung cancer in 1984.  NOTE: Kaufman never smoked but told many close to him his final joke would be faking his death to escape the public’s eye.  Andy is or was awesome whatever you choose to believe.  Imagine being a kid, wondering what the hell Andy Kaufman was going to do next?  I never believed the news of his death then and now.  I refuse to believe he ever died.  Maybe the greatest song and dance act is the last one either way.

For my money, I’ve learned more about how one should tell someone off from Andy Kaufman’s actions over anyone else.  Have you ever faced a question or statement you don’t want to reply to?  Recite a lyric from a song or book, never show the cards.  Not even Jesus perfected the art of a comeback, being nice got him killed, right?  He was a passive pushover and died for what?  To forgive you and me?  Sorry, that’s foo foo and if I’m wrong I’d be more than willing to discuss why at the gates of a mythological place called Heaven.  Let’s face the facts the media fails to advertise, he wasn’t white and that beard is questionable.

A virgin miracle, white and bearded? Sure.

People with power issues still make decisions to fight for possession of oil, land, control for financial gain, growth and what nots.  “If you’re real, go forgive them, Jesus.  I’m doing ok forgiving myself.” Good health, instead of forgiveness from a super-hero sold by religious organizations, goes a lot farther in this cruel world.   Science 1, Art 0.

Being silent is a wonderful act if you’ve got someone to tell off- it’s the christian thing to do, sure, but being nice and quiet gets a person nowhere in this world.  It’s all about survival.  See Michael Jordan, a great liar;  SUPER rich and SUPER creepy just like chefs who run businesses can be.  See Randy “Macho Man Savage”, a large, muscular, brilliant performance artist/liar;  Slim Jim paid for his retirement but something we aren’t supposed to know about got him banned from wrestling.  See Bob Dylan, one of the best liars ever, he may have made lots of children with many ladies in many states, he may have not- the song and dance champ, a prophet even, maybe.  Andy Kaufman, my personal favorite liar, died of lung cancer but never smoked and still makes me laugh consistently for over 30 years.

They didn’t so much as tell lies or act out lies, they perfected them and made people believe in their craft regardless of profession.  A beautiful result combining performance art & silently telling everyone off their way without ever having to use the F word.  An example, Andy performs “The Great Gatsby” on national TV– Saturday Night Live, please sit through his awful, fake, English accent and listen to the audience get testy, it’s brilliant:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IL3Dp6Oh3Fw
{ed note- Embedding is disabled for this video so you have to follow the link to check it out.}

Andy was known to read the entire Great Gatsby on his college stand-up gigs, often driving them to the exit door when they realized, “this is not a joke, this is real, f*ck him.”

Sometimes you just have to let it out though, holding in all those F words do come in handy.  The greatest live television moment regarding telling someone off came courtesy of the David Letterman show in 1982 starring Andy Kaufman and Jerry “The King” Lawler.  Lawler was a very popular wrestler in the late 70s and was approached by Andy to start a feud.  The feud blurred the lines between reality and art.  Take a look and learn from the greatest Andy moment ever on how to use the F word properly:

I always imagine I’m Andy takin’ the initial hit, Jerry Lawler’s hand slap, just to earn the right to snap on those I consider my demon Jerrys;  friends, family, the general public, Wal-Mart, a’Merica, shady athletes, perverted politicians, our deceitful government, banks, my mortgage loan officer, employers and bad bosses I never had a chance to call their initial, pathetic, bluffs on.  Most times an act of silence works well but there’s still no closure and passive thoughts accumulate regardless.

… & still became Womens Wrestling Champ

If swearing isn’t your thing, consider digging out your old cassette or CD boom-box and pulling a John Cusack (watch “Say Anything” if you’re too young to know) with a Bob Dylan song.  Instead of playing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” really loud, gather the song I’ll reveal below as performed by many artists.  Burn them to a disc or dub them from cassette to cassette– another age old, pointless, romantic art form that died with technology and the advancement of womens rights to deny such meaningless, chivalrous acts.

Only one song must be shared with your emotional offender.  The point can not be made otherwise. This mix will prove your love’s lasting worth and provide the friendship a stronger base to move forward with on separate paths.  The message in Bob Dylan’s “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” could go both ways depending on which lyrics one retains or recites, depending on days and moods.  The song metaphorically represents 2 very famous, emotional, ‘F’ word statements and how to use them simultaneous upon delivery; “I f*rgive you” and “go f*ck yourself.”

Sith Lord Zimmerman

If playing this song doesn’t work, send her a box of Manolo shoes with abstract, red, Bic penned engravings on the leather. If she’s not a shoes kinda gal, send her more than a few $10 gift certificates to Wal-Mart and Cinnabon inside a box of non-vegetarian items– assuming most women are now vegetarians too.  Seriously though, too each their own, but what’s up with many gals not eating the meat?  You’re missing out.  Now, for you women needing advice on what to send a guy;  send him a box of Star Wars figures with the arms missing or half of a Michael Jordan (or Ted Williams) rookie card.  If he’s not that type of guy and you fear he may find that rather funny, just send him a 3-night vacation package to Rockford, IL with a gift card that can only be used for coffee and books at the property located at 1280 South Alpine Road, Rockford, IL.  He’ll love the coffee & hot chicks that used to party hard there.  He’ll never be able to thank you properly.

Back to the boom-box, approach your offender, stand tough, arms above you like that sad sap Cusack character and press the ‘Play/Pause’ button down.

Stand like this, you'll need a boom-box but skip the trench coat, that's creepy.

Side A

1. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” – Bob Dylan / Live At The Gaslight – 1962

2. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” – Ramblin’ Jack Elliott / Vanguard Visionaries

3. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” – Billy Paul / The Best of Billy Paul

4. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” –  Bryan Ferry / Frantic

5. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” – Johnny Cash / Orange Blossom Special

6. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” – Peter, Paul and Mary / Best of

7. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” –  Elvis Presley / Walk a Mile In My Shoes

8.  “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” – Melanie / As I See It Now

9.  “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” – Ted Lennon (W/Brett Dennen) / The Calm

10. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right (Demo)” – Bob Dylan / The Bootleg Series, Vol. 7: No Direction Home

Side B

11. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” –  Waylon Jennings / Phase One 58-64

12. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” –  John Martyn / London Conversations

13. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” –  Bob Dylan / The Bootleg Series, Vol. 6: Bob Dylan Live 1964 – Concert at Philharmonic Hall

14. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” –  Nick Drake / Tanworth-in-Arden

15. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” –  Donkey Boy (USA) / & The Anthony Graigs < Free MP3

16. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” –  Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons (Performing as The Wonder Who?) / Jersey Beat

17. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” –  Bob Dylan & The Band / Before The Flood

18. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” –  Odetta / Odetta Sings Dylan

19. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” –  Mike Ness / Cheating at Solitaire

20. “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” –  Bob Dylan / The Freewheelin Bob Dylan

Many different versions of the same song, the same words but delivered with different emotions.  Depending on the day and moods, one always hits home. Whatever you do, DO NOT include Joan Baez’s version. If you’re asked why she’s missing from the mix, vaguely recite a different Dylan line from the masterpiece, “Desolation Row”;  “I had to rearrange their faces and give them all another name.”

Who cares what follows, your subject is thinking too hard for once.  Remember to do as Andy sometimes would do to people, practice stage hypnosis.  Don’t smile, everyone wants you too but you’ll lose the wheel, bye-bye closure.  Finally, wait for your subject to stare back or get angry for no reason, then, turn around and walk away.  Don’t think twice, it’s all right.

(For Joe Angileri, the perfect laugh for an F bomb story featuring real people and events.)

dD  |  andywhorehall.com

___________________________

Two more Kaufman moments, so many and not enough time.

Andy on the Dating Game show.
The key line:  ”I want food.”

Andy plays his favorite 45 record.
The sweetest, silent, child-like irony of lip-syncing “Here I come to save the day!”
(‘Shh, don’t tell anyone though, I may fail.’)

Sock Monkey Sound

by Alex Danger Stewart

What: Six Nights Alone EP Review

Where: The band is from Rockford, IL. I’m writing this on a Compaq notebook.

Why? They asked us for coverage and I agreed because I support local music.

Keep Explaining: And that was a really long time ago because I forgot because I’m pretty flaky, then Chip reminded me today and I felt bad so I’m reviewing it now.

I usually have a pretty deliberate process when I review new music. Assuming that it’s a digital release (Vinyl has extra steps) I load it onto my Ipod and listen to it alone in my apartment (usually while eating a sandwich or Annie Chun Noodle Bowl™) not really thinking, just listening. Then I let my reactions percolate for a couple of days before finding a free evening and hoping on the train (usually the Brown Line cause it seems to take longer to get places), headphones in tow, to test out the dichotomy between listening to it in a noisy anonymous environment and also doing so in the near solitude of walking through a residential neighborhood in Lincoln Park or Ravenswood. Then I often come home and write the first couple hundred words of the review before getting distracted and doing other things (usually sleeping). Then, about a week later, I finally force myself to sit down and finish it and I usually play the key songs again while writing about them.

This review is pretty much ignoring those methods.

Why?

Well, for a couple of reasons. First, because the band solicited coverage from Sock Monkey Sound. Don’t get me wrong, I love it when bands give me free music in exchange for press. It’s happened like 3 times so far and it makes me feel like a professional. But I do have some integrity and I’m pretty unlikely to have any built in sentimentality for a band that I’ve never heard of just because they’re local so I’m not as motivated to care about being super thorough, or about holding back some of the harsher criticisms I might think up. Plus I think all of these songs are on the band’s Myspace page (how am I supposed to feel elitist if everyone can hear them for free?). The second reason is that I’m coming into this review with somewhat low expectations.

Why?

There are, once again, a couple of reasons. One of the band members has a somewhat checkered history and I take a little bit of issue with the way they are promoting themselves. Singer/guitarist Aaron Whalen used to be in Killing Abraham (http://www.myspace.com/killingabraham) which was a band for which I held an unbridled hatred. I so vehemently disliked them that (like 4 years after the last time I even had the displeasure of seeing them play) I made an unflattering reference to one of their shitty songs in the Special Thanks section of my band Boys Like Jason’s (insert shameless plug (http://boyslikejason.bandcamp.com/) )self released debut EP last year. That’s quite petty, but I can’t help it. They were that bad. You, the reader, have to ask, “Isn’t that unfair to prejudge a band based on one member’s past creative efforts?” No because he is listing himself as a former member of Killing Abraham on Six Nights Alone’s Myspace page so he’s actively asking us to draw comparisons to those past efforts. That leads to my second cause for some suspicion that this band might suck. Their Myspace page lists their influences as “Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, and people who aren’t afraid to do something different.” Waylon, Willy, and Johnny are ALWAYS the influence that bands list when they want to cover up the fact that their main influence is Uncle Tupelo/Son Volt’s first album and that at least 2 members really enjoy the Johnny Cash American releases. Bands who list those influences never ever ever sound anything like Waylon, Willy, or Johnny.

Here’s why this band might not suck, though: I love Uncle Tupelo and SNA has a ton of shows booked over the summer in diverse venues across the Midwest and Eastern part of the country. Plus they have an old guy playing pedal steel. I fucking love pedal steel guitar and old guys are usually really good steel players. So……….After too long of a prologue, I’ve sat down with two beers (beer makes me less discerning) and it’s time to listen to/write about the songs.

This band totally sounds like Uncle Tupelo’s first two releases. I fucking knew it! “Don’t Care,” could easily have been a demo that didn’t make the cut from the No Depression sessions. Whalen’s voice is clearly not as good as Jay Farrar’s but that’s a totally unreasonable thing to criticize. Apart from a very misplaced breakdown at 2:30, I’m totally jamming to this. The pedal steel is good enough to almost carry the end of the song through some rough patches. Good job Mark Oberfoell.

Every Alt Country band has a song about drinking your life away that rings slightly untrue (mostly because Alt Country band members are usually too young to have developed a really strong drinking problem). “Ode to Zeus,” is that song for Six Nights Alone. Pushed along by a nice train beat, this has the makings of a pretty solid song along. I’m noticing a trend though. At about the halfway point of every song, they divert from the loud country style that was totally working and start sticking in pop punk elements. This does not work. I wish they would stop.

“Shout! Wont Take Out Makers,” has my favorite lyric so far. “Well I spent two weeks sober and I didn’t even know her. Help me drown my pain away.” That’s really good. The title is actually pretty clever, referring to the detergent’s inability to wash out stains from my favorite bourbon. This song is working for me.

I don’t have much to say about, “Stealin Your Heart.” This song mostly works except, once again, there’s a damn half time break down 2 ½ minutes into the song. Stop that!

Finally, a song in 12/8. “Sunset Blvd,” brings some much needed head bobbing and a bit of doom. Mark Oberfoell is fucking owning this song with his pedal steel. And there are no break downs! I might listen to this song again just for the hell of it.

Complaints that I have overall: The production feels too contemporary for such a bartastic band. I don’t feel like they’re playing together in a smelly, beer stained room, which is always the aesthetic that you want when a band mixes loud and twang. In a similar vein, the meter is way too straight. I’d like to hear drummer Paul Metz loosen up and let things swing a little. Also I really wanted a guitar solo somewhere in the EP. If they had replaced every breakdown with a twangy solo, I’d be a happy man.

Final Verdict: I don’t know that I enjoyed these songs enough to recommend them outright, but if you walk into a bar and find this band playing, stick around for a little while. There are some definite positive points in every song. The best parts were those that ignored the band’s pop punk instincts. That should be obvious, though.

Check out Six Nights Alone at http://www.myspace.com/6nightsalone

Sock Monkey Sound

Sock Monkey Sound welcomes local Rockfordian and patron of the arts, Mr. Chris French alongside Photographer Aryn Kresol (http://arynkresol.blogspot.com) on the eve of his show this weekend during Rockford’s Spring Art Scene. Topics include: weddings, art, hot asians, long tooths, and photography stuff. And of course – Get Positive!

Featuring Music by:
The Wiitala Brothers
Six Nights Alone
Telekinesis
Xen
Joan Osborne

Emerging Artist Registration Form

www.artsforeveryone.com
www.theelementrockford.com

Sock Monkey Sound

Sock Monkey Sound welcomes Travis Legge, writer and director of the upcoming slasher film Raymond Did It. We talk about what it’s like to be an indie filmaker and storyteller, what makes a good B movie, George Romero’s greatness, and play the longest round of Get Positive EVER! Guest co-host Dave Pedersen kicks ass, destroys tables, and talks about things the only way Dave can – drunk. Rated R for really long language, sexual situations, gore and mild violence.

Featured music by:
Mana Kintorso
Birds and Batteries
Erodecay
Elsinore
Big Star

Visit Aegis Studios to check out all things Travis.

Support Raymond Did It by donating here at http://www.indiegogo.com/Raymond-Did-It

Sock Monkey Sound

Geronimo! vs. Patrick

Chicago’s Geronimo! have a lot of things going for them. They make awesome music and are pretty fun guys to be around. They also like to play hard and heavy. Those are two of the better adjectives one might use to describe music. Plus they feel ok about referencing Mudhoney without shame. That’s cool too. I recently sat down on my email account and interviewed Kelly Johnson (Guitar/Singing), Ben Grigg (Keys/Singing), and Matt Schwerin (Drums) about various musical topics.

On your Myspace page you claim that, “Sometimes we play really well. Sometimes we play really sloppy. We always play really loud.” What importance do you think that volume plays to rock and roll music?

Kelly Johnson: If we play really loud, we can still sound sort of cool even if we’re playing real crappy. When I see a live band, I want to be able to feel it in my groin. It’s a personal problem, really.

Ben Grigg: Volume creates a much more visceral experience for a listener in a live setting I think. One can become more readily immersed into music if you can physically feel it. It’s also seems more legitimate if you have to be screaming over the roar of the instruments to make yourself heard. It makes it seem like what you are screaming is pretty damn important or intense. Seeing a rock band set-up and play with noticeable restraint on their volume also makes them seem kind of wimpy too I think.

You recently appeared on our flagship podcast. What was that experience like?

KJ: No one at Sock Monkey prepares you for the experience after appearing on the podcast. I can barely finish a meal at Johnny Pamcakes without some chucklehead coming up and jawing off about “you guys are the greatest” or “i love how great you guys are” or “i like great things, and you guys are my favorite great thing” and the like. I didn’t realize it was going to be so tough to be so well-liked. It’s easy to be adored though. And hailed.

Matt Schwerin: It was fun. We got to talk to some buds and play some music. The end result ended up being pretty chatty

Did they offer you rum? They offered Jim Hanke rum.

KJ: We showed up drunk.

BG: No, in fact, we had to bring our own case of beer, which those greedy bastards readily consumed. I’m pretty sure they were sneaking pulls of rum while we weren’t looking too, just so they wouldn’t have to offer us any.

MS: No rum. Maybe we’ll get some next time if our album gets named best Chicago album of the year.

How much of a penis was Pat?

KJ: I’ve seen Pat in penis-mode, and he had more of a schlong thing going on that day. My favorite Pat though, is boner Pat.

MS: Less than anticipated. He did give us some ridiculous nicknames which he printed up on a sticker machine. Mine is too inappropriate to repeat.

You cited Sonic Youth, Fugazi, Nirvana, Ska, and Stoner Rock, as influences. Was that truth or a lie? Do you have any other influences that you forgot to say?

KJ: I can only speak for myself when I say these answers are true. Except not ska. I have a fascination with groovy fuzz rock and girl power pop. My quest in Geronimo! is to find a happy medium between Robyn and The Melvins. This is not a lie.

BG: The ska thing is my fault. It’s what I started listening to on my own and playing first. I have no regrets about it, but it’s not something I’m into anymore. With Geronimo! I just like to play heavy and aggressive stuff and of course I like Sonic Youth, Fugazi, Nirvana, etc, so maybe that comes through.

MS: I think I’m influenced by just about any band I listen to and enjoy. Radiohead will always be an influence, whether my music sounds like them or not. In Table Legs, there is one specific part where my drum part is directly influenced by DJ Shadow’s “Endtroducing”.

I’ve read a couple of things that call you grungy. Do you feel good about that or insulted?

KJ: We’ve been compared to Silverchair twice. I don’t give a fuck if people call us grungy. I unapologetically listen to all things labeled “grunge” and was raised on grunge bands. When I got into indie™ music, I was embarrassed to be caught listening to a band like Nirvana or Soundgarden, but in my ‘old age’ I’ve embraced it. I think the negative associations people have with ‘grunge’ deal with the mopey or depressed sound people stereotype it with, like some of the stuff on In Utero. I don’t think those representations of that ‘musical style’ hold up as strongly though, and if you look at the meat of that time period like early Nirvana, “Goo,” “Badmotorfinger,” or “Superfuzz Bigmuff” it’s just straight, energetic rock music.

BG: It seemed a little strange at first, kind of like “Why are you comparing us to this genre from when we were kids?” but it makes perfect sense to me now. Those bands are what my brother was playing for me when I was a kid. When I think of cool or heavy music, I’m somehow drawn towards that stuff. I don’t think we sound just like Silverchair or whatever but that really doesn’t bother me. I like that sound.

MS: I’m rather indifferent. I certainly don’t see it as a banner to wave around but its not insulting either. The music we play is the natural result of the collaboration between the three individuals in the band and whatever people want to classify it as doesn’t really matter.

Speaking of Nirvana, the Geronimo! Blog (http://deepwarmth.blogspot.com/) has video of you playing a cover of Breed in Little Rock, AR. What prompted that? Did you ever practice it or just decide to play it?

KJ: We practiced it, maybe, 3 times. It’s one of my favorite songs, and it’s real simple. I love that about it. That’s what floors me about Nirvana. All of the songs are jokingly simple, but there is a power in them that still lasts. Bands try so hard to throw everything but the kitchen sink into a rock song, but here you have Nirvana stripping everything down to two chords and a beefy rhythm, and it blows away what most bands could even conjure up in their best song.

I used to know every instrument part of every song on Nevermind (excluding the drum fills). Cool, huh? Even Endless Nameless??!! That song is like, half feedback.

MS: Um…yeah….

Yeah my band in high school would do an Endless Nameless thing at the end of Sonic Youth’s 100% Pretty awesome…
Have you ever tried to write a song in 7/8 time?

MS: I can’t say that I have.

KJ: Yes, it was only 87.5 percent successful. Then we decided to write one where we were soft for a while, then got loud, then got soft again. Then loud.

What is the album called and when does it come out?

KJ:The album is called ‘Fuzzy Dreams.’ It will be officially ‘released’ or what not on April 30, when we play our release show at Schuba’s (18+) in Chicago with our pals Kid, You’ll Move Mountains, polarOPPOSITEbear and Inspector Owl.

Ben and Kelly both use Big Muffs. Why do you like that pedal? Why use the Russian made muff instead of the American?

KJ: I personally just like the way the Russian model sounds. Besides the VERY first distortion pedal I ever used (the Grunge DOD pedal which I still own, blech), the Big Muff is what I grew up using. That exact pedal is the one I used in my first band in late high school/early college. I’m just comfortable with it, and I haven’t found any other pedal that sounds so close to a Tyrannosaurus Rex tearing through a jungle. I have to take a second to thank my friend Joe Robinson, who previously owned the pedal but passed it on to me. I also use his Fender Deville, which he let me borrow like 2 years ago and has not asked for it back. As you can see, Joe is essentially the reason Geronimo! sounds the way they do and the reason we are able to fulfill live obligations.

BG: I started playing with it just for Geronimo! really. It really sounds great with my keyboard and having Kelly and I play mostly with the same distortion helps to blend our instruments a little better at times. Actually, I’m not sure if it does, but it sounds cool.

Your Myspace page also says that Kelly plays, “Asscut Guitar.” What the hell is that?

KJ: When I was living in DeKalb, one night I left my car parked on the street. When I got up the next morning, someone had sideswiped it. The car is a Cutlass Ciera, and the silver ‘Cutlass’ part of the logo got knocked off. I decided to rearrange it to spell ‘Asscut’ and glue it on my guitar. The guitar cuts significantly more asses these days, and I feel it really comes through in our sound.

Ben often seems to play lines that would traditionally be played on a bass. Why use a keyboard instead?

BG: There are a few reasons, really. First, playing bass-like lines on a keyboard as opposed to a bass allows me to play things that might not be possible on a bass. I can play three or more octaves at once and throw some other stuff on top to make a really thick full sound, a big noise. I like it when a three piece sounds like a larger group so I try to make us sound bigger and more full when I can.

Secondly, I don’t play bass. I learned a few Weezer songs once for a Halloween show and that was fun, but I don’t own a bass and I don’t really know how to play one. When we first started jamming as Geronimo!, I was playing keys, so we just kept that as the formula. There didn’t really seem to be any need to add a bass player. It wasn’t so much a decision to play keyboards as bass as it was a natural move based on what the songs needed.

It’s always fun to defy people’s expectations as well. If I saw a band set up with just a keyboard and a guitar I’d probably think they were some sappy Ben Folds style something-or-other. Nothing against that, but I think I’d be pleasantly surprised if they started playing loud aggressive music instead.

The Nord Electro II is my favorite sampler ever. Would you like to comment on that?

BG: What is this, amateur hour? Total bullshit. The Nord Electro II is not a sampler. Ever heard of Google my friend? Geez Louise.

You’re right. That was a test. Good job… Did you see The Office baby special?

MS: No.

KJ: I did see it. I watched about 2 minutes of it then put it on mute and searched for band videos online. Was there a part about Jim trying to change a diaper? Jesus Christ.

No! Jim had practiced on every baby shaped object in the office so he was good at it. But Pam accidentally breast fed the wrong baby.

Anyways- What is your favorite pizza restaurant?

KJ: There is a place in Chicago called Bacci’s where they have ginormously big pieces of pizza for 5 bucks. It also comes with a small drink. I’m generally a quantity over quality man. Actually, we went to a Pizza Hut on tour this past January, and I have to say, it was really nice in there! It’d been a while since we’d all been to one and sat down, but it was real clean and warm. Like gold banister things and lots of classy green.

BG: In Rockford it’s Primo’s Pizza, followed closely by Lino’s. Paisano’s on Main St. used to be number one, but they’ve been closed since I was in high school. Sam’s and Pino’s are up there too. I have to give a shout out to Villa de Roma too for being open and delivering till like 4am on weekends. They rule. So yeah…

MS: Oh boy. There are so many good ones. In Rockford, I’d have to say Sam’s Pizza. In Chicago, there are too many good places to mention but for sheer value, I’ll say Bacci’s. We’ve had the honor of eating at many fine pizza places on the road as well, including two great ones in Little Rock.

Who is your favorite drummer? I want answers from all three. Matt Schwerin is an acceptable answer.

KJ: I don’t care if it’s obvious, I love Dave Grohl. Also, I first realized how cool it was to watch drummers the first time I saw the band Troubled Hubble play. Nate Lanthrum is a behemoth. Also Brian Chippendale from Lightning Bolt. I will say that none of them rock a Michael Jordan shirt like Matt Schwerin though, so the rest of ‘em can go to hell.

BG: I feel a little silly for completely agreeing with Kelly on this one, but I think Dave Grohl was really the first drummer I admired. A bunch of friends of mine and I played in a “band” in early high school and we had a mean cover of Everlong (I’m sure it was terrible actually), but watching my friend Mike play those fills in the chorus really struck me. Troubled Hubble definitely had a huge influence on me as well. Nate was the first drummer I remember who was really fun to watch. He still is, especially watching him and his brother Andrew play together. It’s a treat.

Of course, I have this video of Matt Schwerin playing in Columbus with his shirt off. I watch it at work constantly, and I mean all the time.

Similar to my answer to the band’s influences, I really think I take something away from every drummer that I hear and like. Not sure I could say I have a total favorite. John Bohnam was amazing, yes. I don’t really listen to much Led Zeppelin. But he had the bombast. John Theodore who played in the Mars Volta I liked, also for his bombast. Glen Kotche from Wilco, I dig. Phil Selway from Radiohead.

Finally, what are your hopes and dreams for the future?

KJ: I’m really hoping to buy an adult bed very soon. Right now I’m sleeping on a flat futon mattress in my room. The rest of the guys might say they hope to keep writing songs we are proud of and recording music together. But I know they mostly just want to see me in that adult bed

MS: I would like to continue creating music that I am passionate about. I would like to continue to travel, both while playing music and otherwise. I’d like to be able to support myself working in the photography industry. I’d like to display some of my artwork in galleries. I’d like to fall in love. I’d like to have a family. I’d like to live a life of moral high-ground and love for all creatures. I’d like to continue to grow and challenge myself until the day I die, which hopefully will be in my 80′s or 90′s.

BG: To get back to the year 1985. Preferably with the help of a crazy-haired scientist. It would also somehow involve a Delorean or something. I’m not sure. It’s kind of a pipe dream at this point.

For more Geronimo! fun go to

www.myspace.com/thegeronimoband

or

http://deepwarmth.blogspot.com

Sock Monkey Sound

In the cold, dark morning of my kitchen waiting for coffee to brew and approving of my dog’s bowel movement from the frosted over back door, I turned around, flipped on my kitchen boom-box radio cassette playa’ and accidently bumped the scan button. It ended up on static. Let the dog inside, figure out what happened, get radio back to normal, find a clean cup and pour coffee. Somehow between figuring out what happened and trying to find normal I decided that 12.03.2009 would mark the beginning of a new outlook focusing on local radio stations I could find in the morning for positive, if not ironic, moments to ponder on and about.

Radio stations are everywhere in every a’Merican town playing in the background and they’re bad, real bad, tasteless, infectious ear numbing fast food for the brain with vacuum like soul sucking powers. It can be worse than ‘white’ noise and for my money, local radio is worse than the buzz of a fridge waking me up at 4am. It’s impossible to beat them, if it weren’t for bad radio stations playing awful music and DJs sharing awful insight– anyone’s appreciation for listening to anything but what the radio plays would be different, yes?

It’s good to occasionally keep an ear on what the rest of a’Merica is listening to- the popular stuff. “Most of it is garbage,” is an easy assumption however being surprised by a good ol’ fashioned pop song is where it’s at sometimes for stressless moments. So I did it, On December 3rd, 2009, I listened for the first time in a long time to local Rockford area radio with intent to enjoy and took notes. Not only for self-torture or a personal waste of time but for laughs in need of an a**hole’s opinion or defense. I believe in the theory you can’t complain about something if you don’t do it or try it out for yourself. I’ve sat through many Hanson X-Mas Record listenings to say outright, “It’s pretty good… for a Christmas record and for a pop group.” Those boys have some soulful killer harmonies, they do.

The DJs and commercials are another story when listening to any local radio station anywhere in the world. If they have the power to persuade thousands of people with mindless banter, I believe it’s a fair tradeoff to share written, mindless banter about it. Now then.

You know, the radio used to be important, it did, for some of us it meant sitting making mix tapes from songs we heard as a child on any random station and then doing our own mindless banter in between. Calling in and pranking the DJs with jokes n’ stuff or requesting odd songs that even then, may get a shot of being played on the radio if a copy is lying around the station. I can still recall the amount of times I called in “I’ll Be You” off of ‘Don’t Tell a Soul’ by The Replacements to defeat Rick Astley in the nightly top 10 countdown at 10, 1989? Had to be.

Once the grunge movement occurred (while everyone else assumes downloading killed the music industry) radio went bye bye as the way to hear new music. Nirvana, grunge, the greatest Doors cover band ever – Pearl Jam – and bands alike (Crudd, Nucklebutt) that sounded just like the first one mentioned took over playlists… and soon playlists were being purchased in bulk to repeat, replay, cram into peoples brains by greedy corporations on the spending loose. Pay to play was already in effect for decades, not like the 90s though. Today’s playlists are 5000xs worse because they’re polluted by American Idol rejects and a few winners. I hear cats crooning in the alley that sound just as good to me as an American Idol winner. The only way to hear a decent song get some airplay is on a TV commercial sometimes.

Backtrack a bit, the 80s weren’t so bad now that we’re all so removed to observe such. One of the reasons for turning off the radio sometime around the mid to late 90s was that every song on the radio started to sound constipated and trapped right outta’ a high school dance playlist. Oasis in the early 90s, still (to me at least) was like a breath of fresh recycled air to hear on American radio partially because most people didn’t get Oasis- or still don’t. To quote Noel Gallagher in an interview with John Norris from MTV about the 90s and pop stars, grunge, etc.:

“I hate pop stars who go on whinin’ about the price of fame and this that and the other. Let me just tell you that being famous is great. I love it, man. I think it’s the best when you get stopped walking down the street for an autograph, that’s the best feeling in the world. Then you get people like Eddie Vedder, you know what I mean? It’s like, what’s the point? Why is he in a band if he’s so pissed off, you know what I mean? Why don’t you just work in a car wash you know what I mean? Or like McDonald’s or something. ”

That’s the truth, no one really got Oasis being on American radio because they weren’t singing about depressed American boys named ‘Jeremy’ or whatever, depressing stuff. Life’s already depressing enough as it is, listening to Oasis felt good and meant nothing everytime “Don’t Look Back In Anger” squeaked through the speakers. Feeling good about nothing is the sign of a great, great pop band or song. Rarely do I hear a pop song that makes me feel nothing and happy all in one sitting. “It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.” Yeah. 1987, where’d ya go too?

Now-a-days Pearl Jam and their sound alikes have been replaced by the Kings of Leon and… and…? The boys in Kings of Leon sound backed up, as if they haven’t dropped a load off in weeks. Is it them though? Or is it the way the song was mixed to be played on bad radio stations in multiple droppings? Most of the pop songs sound as if they are being sung from inside an empty pop can or from a toilet bowl. The radio formula. Whatever it is, it’s pretty bad. Who is to blame for this; Sean Combs? John Shanks? Will.I.Am? Butch Walker? The Matrix? Mark Ronson? Or are the major labels in conglomeration with corporate radio to mass produce horribly mixed music for mass digital consumption? Yes. That’s a separate article. Enough and moving on to the recession research listening experiment.

Listening Ratings: I devised a ratings system for my local radio experiment. Hi-5: Surprised, amused, learned something, heard an impressive string of songs. The DJ didn’t talk or when he did he actually told me (the listener) what the f*ck was being played and the actual name of the song without having to guess what he really mumbled through above Radio Station Call Letter and sh*tty tagline narrative. Yawn: Tolerable, head scratching, almost unlistenable but like bad TV, can’t seem to turn it off so ‘ok.’ Garbage: Can I get a refund on my time or will someone be returning my brain cells back to their rightful place?

________

Here we go, let’s try this out. On 12.03.2009 I tested my local FM radio listening skills with a pen and a notebook.

ZOK, 97.5 FM “Today’s BEST Music.” / Rockford, IL / 9am-10am+ estimated.
The first part of the hour was spent listening to an engaging conversation between DJ Steve and some guy named Bob Greene on the phone. Bob apparently was Oprah’s best ‘woman’ like friend in her wedding– or she was his ‘best woman’? I couldn’t tell by the vocal inflections both men were sharing live on-air as Bob was obviously talking from a phone. DJ Steve was asking him about a book he wrote about a diet for treating diabetes. I wanted to know more but this is not the math and science hour I learned. It’s about Oprah, not important subject matters. The conversation was mainly spent talking about Oprah’s weight and how Bob was just contacted by his friend to help get her back into shape for 2010. I learned many things in this conversation I was unaware of:

1. Oprah is quitting her show?! What planet have I been on? Yawn?

2. She is starting her own TV Network?! Where have I been again? Yawn.

3. The DJ said, “Oprah has been such a force in all of our lives…” A reoccurring problem, why do I feel nothing?

That’s where I forget why I’m listening to Rockford radio. Has she been a force?

I can remember one time in 36 years of being on this planet I’ve sat and watched an episode of Oprah and the most memorable thing about it was my grandfather sitting in his chair taking a post-yard work nap, 3-4-5 in the afternoon, the summer of 198_? My grandmother came upstairs to sit in her ‘wait for a client’ chair and says, “Oh good you have Ofrah on, I like Ofrah, did your grandfather feed you.” (Note: My grandma ran a beauty salon shop and business out of my grandparents house in their South Rockford, IL basement for over 40 years and this is why the TV was always on in the sun porch/client waiting area. It’s not like Grandpa and I had a choice after we were done workin in the yard.)

My memories of Oprah are not that of being a force but of my grandma butchering her name over and over for years. “Ofrah.” Forcefully, I remember my grandmother enjoying her while waiting for clients to show up and then when she got sick and left this cruel world for a far much better place. I know when my grandpa took care of her, she couldn’t miss Oprah. Magically my mom started doing the same thing. Screwing up names was and still is their/ my mom’s specialty. I love them for that phonetic gift greatly.

Above: Enjoying Rockford’s downtown before WZOK existed, after WW2.

All right, where were we? That’s right, 97ZOK, DJ Steve, Bob Greene and Oprah stories. I learned nothing from this conversation on the radio that morning outside of the fact Oprah is ending her show. That’s news for some people? How many I’m not sure. I know she helps sell books so that’s cool in some way because people should listen to Oprah if she even comes close to mentioning this word to millions of a’Mericans who don’t, “read.”

DJ Steve, that Bob guy or Oprah has diabetes was the other thing I learned, someone has the diabetes I learned. I wanted to know more about diabetes and the diet book but not Oprah or her weight. It would have been appreciated by this listener to have known more about a diabetic’s diet instead of Oprah Winfrey’s future and past. Something’s going to get all of us one day and that particular day, 12.03.2009, WZOK got me. Here’s a conservative non-liberal thought I notated with manic scribbles in that notebook while listening to the ZOK, “Thank God for NPR. Thank Dog for NPR. Thank Gob for NPR. Thank Bob? Thank Bob.”

Moving on. There were a few songs dropped on my ears after the failed Bob Greene infomercial hosted by DJ Steve.

Tunes I heard or could remember in this hour on ZOK’s “Morning Show”:

1. Some girl singing about something with an auto-tune mixing filter applied so that she appeared to be singing from inside an empty soup can. The sound was unlistenable, no mention of her name, the song name, had a nice beat that sounded like it was made on a 1982 casio and she was singing about being pretty, I think? Yawn.

2. Beyonce: Good song! Holy sh*t, I actually heard a good song on FM radio?! She was all sexy and preaching to single ladies to “put a ring on it”? Like a ring on the finger for getting married? Or a condom on a man’s 3rd leg? Either way, good song, I unloaded my diswasher thinking, “maybe modern radio is getting better…”

3. Lady Gahgah: The DJ announced this lady’s name. This was a first experience hearing the pop star I see everywhere in photos. I don’t have a proper opinion outside of the fact the song DJ Steve played was boring. I ended up trying to find my winter hat during that song.

4. Some guy who was hurting and sounded like he was singing “I’m so sorry” over and over? He was really in pain. Again, no name, no song title mentioned by the DJ. I can’t even compare him to anything I’ve heard the past decade having not had local radio on at all. It resembled something I heard in 1994 by a band named Seven Mary Three. Seven Mary Three is not the good 90s. Teenage Fanclub is the good 90s. This guy singing was really hurting or hungry, somethin. He was growlin and it made me miss hearing something honest from the completely underrated, 38 Special.

5. Right Said Fred: Really? “‘I’m So Sexy” as if it were an ok thing being played in the morning. It’s never ok to play this song unless you’re p*ssed drunk looking to upset a group of friends by ending the party early followed by any God awful Pearl Jam song, repeated, two songs repeated till they all get the message to leave.

Songs played Summary: 1/5 songs actually caught my attention. Beyonce, thank you for making memorable marketable music that a local DJ could count on playing this morning. However 20% of my time based on that fractional result is a failing grade. Math does not lie. // Commercials: Too many, a complete distraction. Stuff about diamond deals at Zavius and go git yerself some good insurance at Farmer’s Insurance. There were many more. I suggest anyone who second doubts anything and everyone, including; newspapers, advertisements, this article– should train the ears to drown out white people radio commercial narrations whether they’re on the radio, TV or in Wal-Marts and Road Rangers.

NOTE: At 10:23am, from the kitchen, according to my notes that day– WZOK was still playing while I started this article and like any offensive joke told to friends with perfect timing, my favorite late 2000s punch-line came on. Clockwork, the awful Kings of Leon singing that song, “Someone like me”, where he swoons and sounds so constipated. Last summer I realized you may hear this 6Xs a day spewing out of strangers mouths and cars, anywhere, not just Rockford, IL.

Thanks for that day’s laughs ZOK. I’m assuming there’s many more Kings of Leon repeats coming everyone’s way in the this new decade. How will they be able to keep up with new haircuts to match new hits?

_____________________

LISTENING RATING:
Garbage

No surprise as assumed but I tried to find the positive in all of it. One song by Beyonce and good memories triggered by the DJ and Bob Greene on Ofrah are about it. Let’s face it, anything that takes 3 months to write about an hour spent with WZOK in the morning should only equal a “garbage” rating on anyone’s aural scale based on the ’3 months to write’ factor. I fear this monologue may be garbage as well having focused on aural litter. It was terrible. The sound still lingers from my kitchen boombox radio and my insides, to this day, coil with time lost and regrettable effort made for an opposite result.

I learned another great local lesson that day too. Most numbers on the dial above 89.5 in the morning or anytime should be feared in large. Beware. It may be awhile before sitting through an hour on the other local radio stations for creative kicks and recession like research. Having said that, I can’t wait to see if an hour spent with WXRX in Rockford, IL features that awesome song, “Jeremy”, by Pearl Jam. Oh, yeah, uh huh, what a dream it may be to hear Aerosmith singing, “Sweet Emotion”, like it was the first time I heard them. To quote those horny, b*stard, Boston city boys’, “Some sweat hog mama with a face like a gent / Said my get up and go musta got up and went.” Kings of Leon have a lot to learn about writing a gettin’ sum radio pop song. They should begin with learning how to write minus a ghost writer first. Till then.

AW | andywhorehall.com

Sock Monkey Sound

Jesus Correa

This week we welcome artist extraordinaire Jesus Correa to the monkey cave. We discuss his 2009 Rockford mayoral race experience, history in the music scene and art community, and Dave’s love of pixelated women. Call our Hotline at 815-315-9552.

Featuring music by:
Spoon
Jesus Correa
Vic Ruggiero
Blaming Tim
Otter Petter

Sock Monkey Sound

Podcast name:
Sock Monkey Sound Music & Culture Podcast

Web site or contact info:
www.sockmonkeysound.com

Members:
Hosted by Brandon Lutmer, Chip Copeland, and Patrick Delehanty. Recorded at M.I.A. Studios by Mark Gustafson.

Started in:
August 2009

What is Sock Monkey Sound?
Chip Copeland: We’re a podcast and website that you can find online. A podcast is similar to a radio show, but we’re not under the same rules as terrestrial radio stations in terms of content and time structures. We talk about music and pop culture, and play songs by local, regional, and the occasional national artist or band. In addition to Rockford we also cover the Midwest region as well and have a large following in the Atlanta area. Due to the Internet and iTunes we’ve been able to cultivate an audience that extends beyond our little corner of the world.

Patrick Delehanty: Along with that aspect of the show, we also interview local artists and musicians in a loose and uncensored talk show format where the guest can relax and be themselves. Not only do we give them the opportunity to promote their upcoming shows or projects, sometimes we’ll just talk about breakfast cereal, TV shows, or random silliness; nothing to serious. It enables us to have fun with the guest, they can be themselves and not have to worry about constraints; and I feel like the listeners can really connect with the guest in a way that they can’t in a more “mainstream” media outlet interview.

Mark Gustafson: We’ve also done topical, roundtable style shows on local issues that matter to us, as musicians and fans of music, such as the current state of the On the Waterfront Festival in Rockford. We feel as if a certain segment of the population of music fans in Rockford are under served by how the festival has been run and what acts have been booked. While we’re certainly not experts on the subject of how to successfully organize or run such a festival, we do have opinions as to what we think a vibrant and relevant music festival could look like in downtown Rockford. It surprises me when people tell me that they listened to that episode and enjoyed our loony, coffee fueled ramblings. We’re planning a RAMI episode that I’m sure will ruffle some feathers.

What’s the inspiration for the name of the show?
Brandon Lutmer: We really were trying to come up with something that would be lighthearted, but also reflect and identify the fact that we’re a show based in Rockford. We didn’t want to try and play on the name of the town and tie it into rock music. It’s been done before and it seemed like a lame idea to us.

Patrick Delehanty: The Sock Monkey on the other hand is Rockford’s equivalent to Mickey Mouse. It has universal cultural appeal, but seems totally Rockford at the same time.

How did Sock Monkey Sound come together?
Chip Copeland: Blame me. I’m a podcast junky because I work in front of a computer all day. On one of those days I was listening to the Sound Opinions podcast and Jim DeRogatis, pop music critic at The Chicago Sun-Times and co-host of Sound Opinions, said in his review of the Cheap Trick record ‘The Latest’, and I quote, “Cheap Trick, a band from Rockford Illinois, not exactly a hotbed of rock and roll”. When I heard that I cursed at my computer for 10 minutes. I guess his comment fired me up a bit. While Cheap Trick is a Rockford institution and I respect them and enjoy their music, they are not the only talented band around these parts.

Brandon Lutmer: There are tons of great underground bands of all genres that play original music in the area. And it seemed to us that these groups just needed a voice to get out there. All four of us play in local bands that perform original music and each one of us understands how difficult it is to try and get the word out to people.

Chip Copeland: I called up Mark and told him my initial idea to do a “Rockford Invasion” episode on a podcast recorded by my friends Walk to Run Records based in Atlanta. I knew Brandon had done a radio show in college and thought he would add a little more polish as a host, as well as the fact that he’s huge music geek. Initially Brandon and I would be the hosts and Mark would record the show. On the night of recording the fill in episode, Brandon brought Patrick along and just for kicks we threw him on the microphone as a guest.

Mark Gustafson: Surprisingly, it was a blast. We had so much fun with the three of them hosting and me behind the recording console that the four of us decided to do a weekly show. And Sock Monkey Sound was born.

Who are some of the guests you’ve had on so far?
Patrick Delehanty: Dan McMahon, guitarist for Miles Neilson and Cameron McGill; Marky and Heather Hladish from the band Venna, Jason Beatty, Arik Jenkins from Guzzardo’s Performance Music, Warren Franklin, White Moose, Joe Reina, Kevin Schwitters, and Dave Pedersen; just to name a few. All heave been great guests.

What does the future hold for Sock Monkey Sound?
Brandon Lutmer: Well, I think we want to build our listener base, and our online community. At the same time we want to continue to improve and refine the show. We recently have started posting articles by contributors on our website, such as Alex Danger Stewart. He’s a trip and Danger really is his middle name.

Mark Gustafson: Another idea is to incorporate more shows about the local culture, in addition to the local musician who play original music. Rockford does have a good size art scene and cultural entities such as theater groups. Not many towns our size have a symphony orchestra.

Chip Copeland: Yeah, we think branching out beyond just local musicians as guests will help draw attention to a rich cultural scene in Rockford that many area residents seem to ignore or don’t know about because it’s not on the east side of town.
Brandon Lutmer: At the same time we realize our show probably won’t be for everybody. Still, hopefully we can show both local residents, and the wider global audience, another side of Rockford that they never knew existed.

Where can people find Sock Monkey Sound?
Sockmonkeysound.com is the place you can listen and download weekly episodes. You can also subscribe to and download the show through iTunes or on pod catching websites such as podcast.com, podcastalley.com, or podfeed.net. Leaving a review on any of these sites also helps us to reach a wider audience.

Sock Monkey Sound

by Alex Danger Stewart

The Moment – Elliot Porter + PJ Heckinger

So there’s this band called The Moment. Grr, never start a sentence with a preposition. As you may know, there’s a Rockford band called The Moment. They consist of two guys playing screamy dance music. Many people compare them to the Faint, who used to be more famous amongst people with tattoos than they are now. This is common knowledge. They’ve been featured on this very website. Less universally known, but still pretty widely understood, is that The Moment used to sound a whole lot different. During my early high school years, they were mainly a Gods Reflex spin-off group (which was awesome because GR totally rules). Current drummer, Elliott Porter, was joined by guitarist Nate Kirschmann and former Reflex front man/bassist Zach Newman. Not long after the release of their debut EP, “This is the Moment,” The Moment welcomed guitarist PJ (possibly short for Polly Jane) Heckinger into the fold. The Moment’s sound began to incorporate more electronics and a slightly harder edge. This is largely attributed to the fact that PJ is metal as shit. I’ve always considered this time period (circa 2004-2005) to be the golden era of The Moment. Newman is mostly a fantastic lyricist and they rocked balls (as was the style of the times). It is only represented on record by the three song James Dean single, a recording of an acoustic show that only a handful of people (including me) have, and a mostly completed album that has never seen the light of day. In May of 2005, on the eve of their first tour, Zach fucking quit the band. Left scrambling, the other three members hurriedly figured out how to include Newman’s bass parts into the existing programming and Heckinger moved over to vocals. This obviously led to a pretty drastic change in sound and direction. Then something interesting happened. One of the first post Zach songs was the Kirschmann penned, “Are You Out There.”

Sample lyrics include:

Well it might not make you a saint, sir, but it just might save you from Hell.
Well are you out there? Are you out there? Living your life as a liar.
Give it up, son. Give it up, son. I know that you’re celebrating (unintelligible)

Give in, give up, get out, right out
Cause I know that you won’t notice
Give in, give up, get out, right out
Cause I know that you won’t care.

This ending has a proceed
Take the pictures from the rents (possibly rest or parrots)
Well you’ve got me as your victim (or Well you can’t play as the victim)
At least you’ve got your crucifix.

We’re all just waiting for you
They always told you something
There’s no more asking for you
We’ll pick it up and carry on

The three and a half minute screed paints someone close to the protagonist (more on that in the next paragraph) as a lousy self obsessed hypocrite, who has left them when they were most in need. The lyrics went largely unnoticed on the post Newman album, Showdown At The Discoteque, because every song was mostly angry sounding. Until someone cracked the code. This kid named Evan Michel first figured out the big picture idea of the song when he announced to me, “Holy Shit Danger! That song is about Zach!” The theory was confirmed one time when I asked Kirschmann when he was drunk and he admitted that he had written it about Zach quitting the band. Even without that confirmation, the subtext is clear. With direct references to past Newman lyrics (“I’m gonna fake my way into sainthood,” on “Who’s Afraid of Hunter S Thompson,” and the attack on mainstream emo singers, “That Crucifix/goes really well with your cut wrists.”) and more oblique nods to his future near abandonment of music making in favor of teaching and being with his family. Kirschmann’s lyrics essentially accuse Newman of being a liar and a thief. In all fairness, Zach quit the fucking band.

For a while, that seemed like the end of it. The Moment soldiered on and Zach kept promising an acoustic EP that never happened. But then something interesting happened. Zach reemerged in late 2007/early 2008 with a new Gods Reflex album. The title track, “When It’s Down to This,” had a strong rebuke to an unnamed party

Sample Lyrics:

We must move on
But we always wind up the same
in each other’s songs

Assign the blame
but don’t speak in tongues
I know my name
and I’m not ashamed

I guess everybody lies
everybody has two sides
despite the words you sing
I’m doing fine

When it’s down to this
I’ll be stronger than you ever thought that I could be
I’m not waiting for your call
When you think you’re missed
Think as not the one that I thought was in front of me
They’ve been dead for oh so long.

I passed the baton, knowing it would be better off
In someone else’s hands
And hoped you’d understand
If this is my cross
Then I’ll carry on despite the cost
It’s not as grand as you thought

The gloves were fucking off! Newman shot back with a god damned laser. In the space of 4 minutes he lets the Moment know that he is aware that “Are You Out There,” is about him, and that he doesn’t give a fuck. All things being equal, Newman is a much stronger songwriter. To this day, he remains flaky as all get out, but his ability as a lyricist and singer continue to keep me (and others) listening. Despite the fact that the splintering of the original Moment is most definitely his fault, Zach deftly handles the accusations and tells his side of the story. Even in directly references the prior song, “If this is my cross, then I’ll carry on despite the cost. It’s not as grand as you thought,” his lyrics are clever and stinging. I first figured out the meaning of the song last spring while driving home from school. It was such a surprising realization that I shouted it out to my passengerless car, “Holy Shit! This song is about The Moment!” I’ve never talked about it with other people because it seems super lame to study the lyrics of a Rockford band so closely. But there you have it. Feud over.

Victory: Zach Newman
Spoils of War: The Moment

Alex Danger Stewart is an opinionated guy. At first I was worried about pissing someone off by posting this. Then I thought to myself, “Screw It!”. If this does piss anyone off you can email Danger at thedangerzone@sockmonkeysound.com and bitch at him.

Sock Monkey Sound