by Alex Danger Stewart

What: Kuma’s Corner
Where: 2900 West Belmont, Chicago. www.kumascorner.com

This may come as a surprise to some, but in addition to loving Yo La Tengo and enjoying the new Girls album, I’m pretty metal. Certainly not in any hardcore manner. No one would ever describe me as being, “Metal as shit.” I am, however, the kind of person who will walk into a restaurant that has Mastodon blaring on the speakers, is staffed by intimidating women in Eyehategod shirts, and doesn’t have any Bud products on tap and think, “Nice!” Obviously Kuma’s fulfilled all of these requirements; otherwise I wouldn’t have used them as examples. Even more importantly, this restaurant is about as meat centric as one could get. This is American food at its most unapologetically carnivorous. One will find the menu to be filled with the kind of artery clogging beef and pork burgers that dreams are made of (it is understandable why Kuma’s was recently designated as The Best Burger in Chicago). It’s as if an entire menu was created under the drunken philosophy of looking at a perfectly cooked hunk of burger and thinking, “fuck it,” as they pile on whatever combination of prosciutto, bacon, chili, and cheese the heart desires. Every burger and sandwich is named after a different metal band (in a way that seems befitting to each burger). Nowhere else can the idea of eating a Melvin, Dark Throne, or Bongzilla appear so inviting. In addition to delicious burgers, Kuma’s Corner has an extensive menu of, largely American, microbrews.

What I Ate: The Pig Destroyer and Two Brother’s French Country Ale

The Pig Destroyer is a classic pulled pork sandwich served on a toasty pretzel roll. The meat was tender and smokey in a way that can only be accomplished by long, slow, cooking. The classic, Kansas City style barbecue sauce (which was clearly made in house), was sweet and spicy in a way that spread a warm tingle all throughout my mouth and across my lips. Nicely complimented by the sour tang of the pretzel roll, my sandwich was accompanied by a pile of waffle fries. Fries are not hard to make well, but I’m often disappointed by the prevalence of frozen fries at restaurants. It’s always a nice treat when you get a batch that was freshly cut from real potatoes.

Two Brother’s French Country Ale (which is shockingly brewed in Warrenville, IL!) is a richly textured amber ale that greats you with a caramely aroma and finishes with a strong, bitter, hoppy presence. I often bitch about charging $5 for a pint, but this was well worth it.

I visited Kuma’s on a cold, rainy, Thursday and my meal made me warm all over; ready to brave the walk to the train station. Like a Viking.

Should You Go? Have you ever made disparaging remarks about hippies? Do you like super hoppy, well crafted beers? Have you ever wanted to order a Chicago dog called the Goblin Cock?-honestly you’d be better off going a few blocks north to Hot Doug’s for the best hot dog in the world. Do you get all worked up over the idea of eating a burger with a fried egg on top? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you should definitely pay Kuma’s Corner a visit.

Score: 3 ½ out of 4 Upside Down Crosses.

Alex Danger Stewart explores his hedonistic desires in both Rockford and Chicago.