By Alex Danger Stewart
So I was reading this Cracked article (because: shut up. that’s why) and it helped me realize two things.
1. That Ke$ha lady does have actual lyrics
2. She is completely lacking even a glimmer of an understanding of how similes work.
Take the line that everyone knows, “Wake up in the mornin feelin like P Diddy“
Tell us what you REALLY think.
What the hell does that mean? What feeling is P Diddy indicative of? He’s a complicated dude. I imagine he wakes up feeling ambitious. Maybe she has woken up feeling like a man with 7 or 8 children. Possibly feeling like someone who has had multiple friends/associates murdered in hip hop feuds. Is she just trying to say that she’s woken up feeling like a person who is so rich that they have their own vodka brand? Then why not follow that line of reasoning through the end of the song? That would make an awesome song. Plus Diddy barely records anymore so he probably hasn’t worn out references to the awesomeness of his own life.
Still, what’s another word used to describe a rapper who is rich and glamorous that everyone already knows the meaning of? A pimp!
“Wake up in the morning feeling like a pimp.”
I just made the object of the sentence make more sense without changing the flow. We can even change the 2nd line from, “”Got my glasses, I’m out the door gonna hit this city.” to something that still rhymes with the end of the first (because Diddy and city totally rhyme). “Wake up in the morning feeling like a pimp. Tripping over last night, stumbling like a gimp.” The whole song is about getting super drunk. As an alcoholic, Ke$ha would clearly be a bit hung over until she brushed her teeth with Jack and started feeling normal again. Did the author of Tik Tok write a 2nd draft?
Let’s say they intentionally sat down and thought, “I’d like to make a reference to an actual person in the first line.” If one is going to do that, one would have to expand on the thought and show WHY the speaker is feeling like that person.
For example: “Wake up in the morning feeling like Wilt Chamberlain. Good at basketball, and fucking, and being really tall, man.”
See. I made a reference to a famous person and then illustrated why one might be feeling like that person using three well-known facts about him. Wilt Chamberlain is famous for being one of the most dominant players in NBA history; having allegedly slept with over 20,000 women in his lifetime, and standing 7’1″ tall. That’s how it works!
I ought to be getting paid for this stuff.
Thaye
08/24/2010
"Did the author of Tik Tok write a 2nd draft?"
Probably you should ask Ke$ha should you ever meet her. Because she herself is the author, you jerk.
You are a sad and horrible person btw if you find amusement in bashing people you don't even know personally. Yes, even if it's "just a celebrity". It's an evil thing to wish, but whenever I stumble across articles and blog posts like this, I hope its author will die bitter and lonely and twisted by mental disease. Because they might actually deserve it.
Have fun hating.
patrick/sms
08/25/2010
Thaye- first, you're wishing hateful stuff on Danger for critiquing- which you just did to his article, "critiqued"- second, you don't know him personally, you don't know if he wrote a second draft (you should ask), and thirdly, you don't know, maybe he is "celebrity"; I however, don't wish you a horrible, bitter, lonely death twisted by mental disease- that'd be cruel
put down the haterade m'love
Danger
08/25/2010
Hey now, be nice to our readers.
patrick/sms
08/25/2010
apparently, kesha…excuse me, ke$ha…wrote that lyric because she woke up one morning in bed with a bunch of women surrounding her asleep in said bed, thus, making her feel like Dids, as I like to call him
however, you'd never know that being the average 16 year old angst driven girl, or pondering 20 something year old college attendee male. before knowing what she actually meant, I didn't know what she meant, and often told myself "i highly doubt p diddy wakes up hung over and looking busted down, that dude wakes up in a bad ass penthouse in SoHo with the skyline raging out his window and goes and makes a shitload of money"- however, kesha..again, ke$ha…makes it sound like Dids is hungover and scraping the bottle of the barrell
ke$ha darling- diddy doesn't live like you do- he got his act together a loooong time ago and doesn't wake up feeling like you do. He throws White Parties, not "lets wake up like a 23 yr old alcoholic blond". Take danger's advice, and explain reasoning
again- great article man
patrick/sms
08/25/2010
typo- blonde
chipcopeland
08/25/2010
lame and sad. i'm glad i didn't tip my toes in the waters of pop crap like danger did. you're a braver soul than I Danger Brown
patrick/sms
08/25/2010
chip- kylie minogue
chipcopeland
08/25/2010
damn. touche.
well played patrick. well played.
Danger
08/25/2010
"you're a braver soul than I, Danger Brown"
*points to his middle name*
gsmellyfarts
08/26/2010
You're getting hate mail Danger… you are on the fast track.