REVIEW WRITERS NEEDED

Sock Monkey Sound Seeks Music Writers

Are you an American Dreamer?  Do you seek NSA love on the internets?
Now stop thinking and read below.

Hey yawl,

Do you like to read and write?  (Stupid question? America did put 2 Bushes in office and made pop stars out of a Billy Ray Cyrus and his seed.  Just saying)  We’re now seeking to slowly expand our reviews section in our writing department.

For now, we’re seeking 2-3 contributing review writers to join the contributing writers and podcast staff. We do not seek a higher education or an English degree on your part, just a strong, creative voice- or the complete opposite, a pathetic, weak, patriotic yet strangely poetic voice will read great too if you love music and can sell it to me, charmingly.

Bad news first: Just like the job you can’t find or lost in America, we can’t pay you.  Yet.

Good news: We’re young and growing fast, all of us have day jobs, some of us, 2- it truly is a hobby that takes team work.  Get in now on the ground up, be creative,it’s your free time, have fun- and you never know. The internet is a strange place, the wild west of technology.

Requirements:

1)  Must be passionate about music (or just waking up)
2)  All genres (yes, that includes blues recordings made in 2010 that sound like a 1980 studio nightmare)
3)  New releases, or from this year, or any decade if you see fit- mainly new or recent releases
4)  We encourage the writer to cover releases from the majors, indie, national, world & local (wherever your local area is)
5)  No ratings system (unless you come up with something really creative to try our eyes on)
6)  Use proper grammar, unless you’re being ironic
7)  Please spell & fact check, unless you’re being ironic
8)  If we give you free promotional music provided by a label or rep to listen to, you must review it, good or bad, we don’t care

Article rules & submissions
>  New / or recent releases, any genre
>  250-500 words article, if you go over- no one’s counting but remember, this is America and people don’t read or retain info so well.
>  Include cd cover photo
>  If including an artist or band photo:  include photo credit text
>  We rarely apply censorship- but use good judgment.
>  Spell check
>  No TXT or CHAT acronyms, ever- unless you’re making an ironic point.
>  Free promo music from a rep or label:  please review it within a 6 week sharing (via email, link to FTP) 100 to 250 words or more, good or bad; and then continue with whatever you heard you want to tell the world about too.
>  Do I have to say it?  Do not try to be like Pitchfork, at all.  They are limited in their genre reviews and bottom line- they aren’t a podcast like we are.

Who are these people we’re looking for?  What kind of writer are you? Do you have what it takes to be a Sock Monkey Sound reviewer / writer? (Please select the best choice and reply to us with an answer)
a) I’m a poor college kid with a new mac that my student loans bought me, so rather than using it to study, I’ll listen to music and write out all these bad feelings I have about living another day by writing about good feelings I get from the new Kanye single.
b) I’m a well read intelligent homeless person with wireless access and a PC I found in a box I was going to make into a bed.
c) I’m elderly, and dying of old age but I still can hear very well and love the new music coming out these days that I listen to on the internets at the nursing home for free.
d) I’m an underpaid journalist that somehow still has a full time job in an American city like Rockford, IL;   but I have so much pent up anger towards my editor that when I go home, rather than being yelled at by my 2 kids and a wife who hates me, I’ll write about the only thing I love to keep me alive in dark, awful, domestic times, music.  Oh how I love music more than my wife and kids;  or husband and kids.  Whatever.
e) I’m an english major, just graduated, stupid me can’t find a job.  Ugh, I should have dropped out, I could have saved so much money!  So I guess I’ll write about all this music I illegally downloaded for free while I attended Notre Dame on mom and dad’s dime!
f) I am gifted in the arts and sciences, I have a.d.d. and can do anything, so now I will write for Sock Monkey Sound.
g) I just want a moniker, alter-ego, a pseudonym to write with, like Andy Whorehall.
h) I want to meet Bill Cosby before he dies and ask him questions about that great cassette Grandma & Grandpa bought me on that bus trip to Washington  DC in the 80s. Bill Cosby’s “Himself.”  What a funny guy, so much more funnier on cassette than he was on TV with Theo.
i) I’m hot, 22, real dark brunette with slight auburn highlights.  I used to cheerlead for UCLA but recently discovered I enjoy books while listening to progressive jazz and a little U2 thrown in there.  Sometimes I get naked and shower with some Johnny Cash and T-Pain blasting from the bedroom. Even though I’m still banging the Bruins point guard, I also secretly dig guys with glasses, dark hair like mine and a sardonic view of the world that can rule over me and the reviews/love letters I will write to Sock Monkey Music, about music and stuff.

If you made it this far, you may be what we need.  Those selected have to answer to Whorehall unless Danger realizes his American masters program is costing him a great language teaching job in European or Asian countries, where he will be treated so much better than remaining here, in Illinois.  ; )

Submit your article reviews to:
andy@andywhorehall.com

Include in the subject line:
American Dreamer Seeks NSA* Monkey Love
(*No strings attached, for those that never went looking for free lovin’ on Craigslist.)

Include in the Email:
Album name, Artist/Band Name, Label it’s released on,
Your text (no text attachments),
Lo-res pictures of cover (Max. 300px W x 300px H)
Lo-res picture of band if you wish, include photo credit. (Max. 300px W x 300px H)
Your name

All other questions, email me. I’ll be taking review submissions for SMS until 10.31.2010. I will personally contact the losers as well- which is what Pitchfork won’t do. To the winners, I will be your dark Lord, serving you as an agent for creative destruction and scientific encouragement.

Regards,

AW |  SMS